What kinds of jokes would Jesus have laughed at?

[wmw999 2,589]

One of my personal favorites:

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago."

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[DrunkMonkey 0]

Quote

I've often said that the existence of flatulence is proof that God has a sense of humor.

I've also seen that God has a sense of humor, as manifested in the following:

Bilbies
Platypuses
...and most strange Australian fauna...

(j/k all you Aussies out there, I love aussies, and their wierd-ass wild animals!!)

[rickjump1 0]

Did somebody in the Bible really tie their ass to a tree and then walk 7 miles to Jericho? Wonder if it hurt.

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.

[mr2mk1g 10]

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Did somebody in the Bible really tie their ass to a tree and then walk 7 miles to Jericho?

Now that would be some practical joke...

Bloke: "Oh lord how may I honour you?"
God: "Tie your ass to that tree over there and walk to Jericho... "

[andybr6 0]

Gorbachev Reagan and Thatcher all die on the same day. As they are VIPs they bypass the pearly gates and go to be judged by God.

God says to Gorbachev "why should you be allowed into heaven?" and Gorbachev replies, "i helped bring deomcracy to the east and to bring down the iron curtain. "very well" says God come and sit by my side.

Then God turns to Reagan and says "now my son, why do you think you should get into Heaven?". "Well" says Reagan "I helped end the cold war which was threatening your creation". "Very good my son, you may come and sit by my side.

Then God says to Thatcher "So my daughter why do you deserve to enter heaven", thatcher replies "I am not your daughter and get out of my chair!"

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"All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction"

[rickjump1 0]

>God:"Tie your ass to that tree over there and walk 7 miles to Jericho"...

(modern version)God:"Tie your donkey to that tree over there, put on your Nikes and walk 7 miles to Jericho".

Do your part for global warming: ban beans and hold all popcorn farts.