the first anniversary

[froggie 0]

well, its 3:58 am and im sitting here, tryign to prepare for an emotionally draining day today... You see, this is the first anniversary of my cousins death. He was killed while riding an ATV 3 wheeler. He was just beginnig to learn, and was starting to follow in his brothers footsteps. He wanted to do this, he had played around with it before. It was just a freak thing that he died doing it.
Im not posting this to get all types of 'im sorry!' from you guys. im posting this because ive lost somebody i cherished greatly, and loved deeply, somebody that i considered a very close friend, a person that i shared my stuffed animals w/ as kids, and camped out with all my life. I lost my cousin ,and it does still hurt. But he was doing something taht he was just beginning to develope a passion for, and that comforts me in an odd way. I know that he was having an amazing day, i know that he was doing really good for the most part. He was with freinds and family ,and thats all that really matters isnt it? It did keep me from riding for a few months, but soon i felt the urge to get out there on the Grizzly 500 and beat those trails down. I did go out to the ORVP with no plans on riding. I think i was there for maybe 2 hours before i was cruising around, burning up the trails. Now i can go out to the track and ride my ass off. the sound of the dirtbikes zipping by, the buggies revving thier engines up, and the quads going by still excites me.
So next time your whuffo loved one makes a comment about "loosing you to a stupid skydiving accident!" tell them that youre doing everything you can do to be safe, but if it ever does occur, you know that they wiill be comforted that you died living your life, because not everybody does that.
I didnt ask for my cousin to die, and i certainly didnt want it. and the times since have been really hard to deal with, but the one thing that comforts me is the understanding.. the understanding of what being passionate about something is all about. he understood that, and i understand that more and more every day. whether im gearing up or climbing into a mangled car, hanging in a harness up high in a tree, or in swimming in frozen waters, Im challenging myself. If i die trying to save somebody elses life, or died from a bad skydive, then im glad that at least i went down doing something i love. I feel enlightened.
I love my cousin dearly, and i know that hes around here somewhere, telling all the other souls up there to check his crazy ass cousin out, shes jumping outta planes for fun, running the trails at the ORVP, rock climbing (only once) taking rope rescue courses and ice water rescue courses.... shes living her life, and exceding the norm. I gotta live my life, not just for myslef, but for my cousin too. Hed want that, he was just that type of a person.
by the way, next time youre riding to altitude, give my cousin a little wave, say hello to stevie. I always do. it puts a smile on his eternal face. :), and blesses my skydives.
Do what you love, because youre life can only be lived by you!
froggie

[Pammi 0]

*hug to froggie*

[freaksister 0]

oh froggie, i'm so sorry! here's a "virtual" hug for you!!
you will be in my thoughts today...
Sis
"What we're all really seeking is something where we can feel the rapture of being alive."J.Campbell

[Zennie 0]

Rock on froggie! Your cousin would be proud of you.
I know quite a few risk-averse types. I think I have the mindsets figured out. To the risk-averse, living is all about avoiding dying.
Well, guess what? You can't and you won't. Life is a gift. A miraculous gift. And you only get one (unless your a Hindu or a Buddhist, but I digress).
I'm made the way I am and I'm going to be true to myself. That means experiencing life to the fullest. Seeing and doing as much as I can. To live otherwise would be wasting this gift I've been given.
How many people will go to their graves saying they've flown? Really flown. How many people have felt the warm humidity of a cloud (er, industrial haze) as you pass through it? Not many. How many will go to their graves having danced with clouds only in their dreams? Too many.
If I ever burn in, I want my friends and family to know I wasn't dying, I was living. And if they sue the DZ or anybody else related to this sport that I love, and I'm around somewhere to see it, I'm going to be seriously pissed.
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Jessica 0]

Quote

If I ever burn in, I want my friends and family to know I wasn't dying, I was living. And if they sue the DZ or anybody else related to this sport that I love, and I'm around somewhere to see it, I'm going to be seriously pissed.

Right on, Zennie. Nice.
Froggie, I'm sorry. I know anniversaries are hard.

[miked10270 0]

Hello Froggie,
"And if I go,
while you're stll here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure -
behind a veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again -
both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest,
and when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart
... I will be there."
Thinking of you,
Mike D10270 XXXXX

[Albatross 0]

Much Love and well wishes froggie. Just like all adventures who know that life is to be taken in huge gulps to have every last drop squeezed out of it, your cousin would be proud of you. You are living your life in all its glory and enjoying every minute of it. You have many friends reall and virtual. Much love to the Flying Frog
Blue Skys and Safe Landings
Albatross

[froggie 0]

pammi,
thanks. youve been really supportive of me lately. and i greatly appreciate that. hugs to
you too!
Sis,
thanks for the thoughts. Just do me a favor and give my cousin a little wave next time
your riding the plane to alti. Id really appreciate that.
zennie,
what you said is so true. I may have only flown a few times but ive loved every second of
it. Havent lived like i do when im up there, and i cant wait to truely lived many times over.
And youre right, too many people only dream of dancing in the clouds. Even if for them,
dancing would be going back to college, learning to read and write, just as long as their
doing something. We all have dreams. and we all have things that better ourselves. I just
wish that everyone could find that one piece that makes the puzzle complete. For us its
skydiving, for others its raising animals, flying planes, helping people, whatever. Just
wishing everyone thier missing link
Jessica,
thanks. Today wasnt as hard as i expected it to be.. not until i was finally alone, with
nobody around. Then it hit me. but now its okay. its just knowing that exactly one year ago
today i was first hearing this dreaded news.... Thats what makes it so hard. I wont
remember if i was totally upset on X day during X month, but this whole week I remember
exactly what i went thru last year at this very moment. And i think thats what makes
anniversarys so hard to deal with. The knowledge of where you were mentally,
emotionally, physically. But this week will pass, and i will make it thru. Stronger than
before, gaurentteed.
MikeD
I dont know what to say except thankyou and what you posted was just absolutely heart
touching.
albatross,
:) thats me smiling cause im living life, just like all of you guys are too. Thankyou for
being my real friend, you may be virtual to me, but youre still a friend. You all are, and i
cant explain how greatful i am for that.

To everyone else who read this thread but didnt post.....
thankyou for reading. I hope what everyone has said here will one day help your family
and friends understand this passion you all have.
thanks all,
froggie

[FreeflyPlaymate 0]

Froggie...
You brought tears to my eyes...good tears...all good, and at the same time it's that hurt that is still there. I los tsomeone very dear to me doing what they loved to do and I can not tell you how reassuring it was to know that is how that...that sounds so weird I know. But how you mentioned that they had died living...that's the whole point of living is to live. It's always hard to lose a loved one, an aniverssary is also coming up for myself this month and for the first time I think I'm actually strong enough to jump on that day. I can jump any other day, but for the last 2 yrs I've been in jumping I have actually gone to the DZ and just couldn't do it. I am very proud of you that you have that much strength to get back out on those dunes, and keep living, and keep laughing and loving...that is what it is all about.
I'll be sure to wave both hands I jump to wave to stevie and to my dad...
**BLUE ONES**
BITE ME.... :P

[Yooper 0]

froggie,
I've never met you or your cousin, but as skydivers, we are family. I wish you strength and courage, and I'll be sure to give your cousin a wave next time I'm in the plane.
"For once you have tasted flight,
You will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward;
For there you have been,
And there you long to return."
-Da Vinci

[Dirtsucks 0]

Thanks for that, Froggie. I originally wrote a very long reply to this, but I think it would be best to put it somewhere else. I just need to tell you thanks for restoring hope in somebody who very recently lost it.
Your friend, Josh

[froggie 0]

josh,
id like to hear that really long original reply, if youre ready to share it.... Hey, were friends, and thats what friends are for right? to be there for you when youve got something to say, no matter if its something little or something heavy. youve got the email, but just in case
flyingfrog5@rcn.com
kel