Joke of my day!

[harro 0]

Just sat down at my workstation and looking for some amusement when i find this in my email bag of goods
enjoy!
A Little Embarrassing
A girl ask her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make
love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before either, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist
helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is
to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist ask the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a three pack, 10 pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on
the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my
parents"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after fifteen minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this
religious"
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist"
Shopping Trip
A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive
cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where
she told the check out girl. "Nothing but the best for my little
kitty." The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot
sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people
buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying
the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her
cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store to buy 12 of the most
expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this
time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people
sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back and brought
in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little
old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier
said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured
her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her. So the cashier
put her finger into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady,
"That smells like shit."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please
buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
Monkey Business
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's
drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives
off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then
jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in
his
mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table---whole!"
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in
sight,
the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff".
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the Monkey ate,
then
leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He
asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the
bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy. "He still eats
everything
in sight, but ever since the cue ball incident, he measures everything
first."
Freemind, freesky, freebeer, freefly, freesex

[what42 0]

I've heard the first one before but they're all hilarious. I wish someone would have taught me how to measure my food. All this time I've been guessing as to whether it would fit or not.
Wesley
--
I want to fly!

[mattb 0]

Just what I needed to go with my coffee this morning.
Thanks