ARE YOU AMERICAN?

[Emma 0]

Quick quiz ought to help us tell...
ARE YOU AN AMERICAN?
Questionnaire

1. You decide that the relationship with your partner is over. How do
you break the news you are leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly away.
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for your decision.
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of cheering pumped-up
inbreds on national television.

2. You and your mates decide to have a game of football in the park. What
do you need to take?
(a) A ball.
(b) A ball and 2 coats.
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour, 20 cheerleaders, a
marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley, and a team of
orthopaedic surgeons specialising in spinal injuries.

3. You are driving along a country road when you accidentally run over a
rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to a vet if it is
still alive.
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or if not, that it died
quickly.
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive home hollering,
whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.

4. You wake up in the morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an
awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day progresses.
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist faithhealer in
an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on your head whilst
screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering inbreds.

5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of tea.
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee.
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak with six eggs sunny
side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles, five corn dogs
and a 48 oz diet root beer.

6. You and your partner decide to take the plunge and get married. What
sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office.
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception at a hotel.
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through chapel in Las Vegas,
presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.

7. Your 14-year-old son is going through a difficult phase, becoming
disruptive at school and reclusive at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. It's just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team sports or join a
youth club.
(c) Take him to an armoury and buy him an arsenal of semi- automatic
weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.

8. You fancy a night in watching something funny on TV. What kind of
comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted.
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show.
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive lounge where the
audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid actor with a
superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a lightweight
wisecrack.

9. Whilst getting ready for bed, you stub your toe on your wife's
dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt.
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't happen again.
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown reputation, and sue
your wife's ass six ways from Sunday.

10. You are responsible for the USA's presidential electoral process. Do
you:
(a) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(b) Count all votes and declare a winner.
(c) Let the press declare who's won before the votes are counted, then
count only the votes which have been handed in by a deadline whilst not
checking if Bud, the hillbilly sheriff of nowheres-ville, has left
several thousand votes in the trunk of his Chevy 'by mistake,' then
force a recount of only some of the votes within just one state and
allow only 12 seconds for the recount to take place; then be amazed that
the recount hasn't finished by the deadline and increase the deadline by
another 3.2 seconds; then ignore all votes and let 4 judges decide the
result, making sure the judges all support the same candidate; then tell
other countries how to run their own elections.

Answers... If you answered: mostly (a)s & (b)s, then you are a
normal well-balanced individual. mostly (c)'s, then......QED
Sorry guys, you know I love you all really, and I fully accept that the Brits are all white, fat, spotty, xenophobes (before you point this out to me!) Emma

[SkymonkeyONE 4]

Quote

and I fully accept that the Brits are all white, fat, spotty, xenophobes

Quite the contrary. Most of the British skydiver chicks I have met are quite attractive, party like Vikings, and are very taken by my southern accent.
Chuck

[Zennie 0]

OMG that's hilarious!
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Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Emma 0]

Thanks Monkey...southern accent, you say? If only I had a magical talking computer [sighs]......
BTW, you should see the entries I removed!
E

[Zennie 0]

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BTW, you should see the entries I removed!

Post em! I don't think anyone here is that thin-skinned (at least they shouldn't be).
All good humor has a grain of truth (sometimes more) to it.
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Dutchboy 0]

Better be carefuly, Emma. If you piss us off we might not come and save your puney little island next time there is a world war. The Dutchboy
http://www.geocities.com/ppolstra

[skymedic 0]

funny how those brits can make fun of us yet we kicked there ass a coule hundred years ago, and then saved there ass a half century ago.
but they were pretty damn funny!!!!
bring em on, emma
Marc
A-38578

[freaksister 0]

that was fucking HILARIOUS! I laughed right out loud...my neighbours probably heard it!
hehe
thanks, em.
sis
It isn't brave if you aren't scared...

[phastasphuk 0]

Emma, post the ones you removed...let's see 'em...I just love yankee jokes, cause you never run out of 'em, hehe...
chris
How would you like too stick with me
How much do you love to freefall

[skreamer 1]

Quote

and then saved there ass a half century ago.

Gee, well I suppose the fact that you arrived THREE YEARS too late doesn't really matter... (and South Africa, Australia, Canada, New Zealand declared war WHEN on the nice Nazis again???)
Dude, you guys made a profit on WWII which paid for your boom in the 50's, while the rest of the world was rebuilding from absolute rubble.

[Monk 0]

Emma, You suacy brit. Marry Me!
God I hate American Women!
Ciao
Monk

[Doasfu 0]

Quote

Gee, well I suppose the fact that you arrived THREE YEARS too late doesn't really matter...

Hey, just be thankful Ben Affleck got there as soon as he did!
Dan
"Oh, you went to a movie this weekend? That's nice. Me? Oh... Actually, me too..."

[skreamer 1]

Quote

just be thankful Ben Affleck got there as soon as he did

Dude, wasn't it his buddy Private Ryan that saved our asses????

[ClayFowler 0]

Yes and that makes us smart....doesnt it.......

[Aviatrr 0]

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Gee, well I suppose the fact that you arrived THREE YEARS too late doesn't really matter...

Hey, what did you expect? We were driving British cars.. Mike

[Aviatrr 0]

Quote

God I hate American Women!

That's ok.. American women probably hate you too.. Ah, well.. At least it means there's less competition for us guys that do like american women.. God knows I could use all the advantage I can get.. Mike

[freefallfreak 0]

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We were driving British cars...

Yeah, and the Prince of Darkness, Mr. Lucas, was lighting them...
FFF

[PLFKING 4]

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God I hate American Women!

So, Monk........when you shot yourself in the foot, did you lose any toes ?
That PLF Phool

[Zennie 0]

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Dude, you guys made a profit on WWII which paid for your boom in the 50's, while the rest of the world was rebuilding from absolute rubble.

I think it was more the US was trying to stay out of it for as long as possible.
But it wasn't like we were totally uninvolved. We did ship a heckuva lot of weapons over to Britain in our "civilian" vessels. Worked OK for a while. Dang U-Boats.
------------
Blue Skies!
Zennie

[skymedic 0]

"Dang U-Boats."
Gotta love that fine German engineering.
Marc
A-38578

[Zennie 0]

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Gotta love that fine German engineering.

Yepper. Drive one now.
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Blue Skies!
Zennie

[Emma 0]

He he eh hahahahaha ha HAAAAAA HAAAAAHAHA HA!!!!!!
Nothing like a bit of controversy on this fine forum of ours!
Glad to see that apart from making ridiculous and false statements about the war and stuff, everyone has managed to remain quite well-balanced....
I knew skydivers weren't like 'other' Americans....
Em

[VivaHeadDown 0]

And it's nice to see a Brit who's humor isn't too dry. Cheers!

[BenW 0]

Hmm,
This attack with a chair in front of a pumped-up rabble? Do you think Ester Ranzten would go for this? Or good morning britain?
Must say, glad I'm a deathly pale, fat, pimply Brit with no sense of humour.....
B.

[Emma 0]

No sense of humour? I heard you jumped a purple pimp suit? Surely that counts for something?