Never trust a Fairy

[Slappie 9]

Or as they say, be careful what you wish for...
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th
birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because
they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one
wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife
wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she
wished for them to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any
wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He
paused for a moment, then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman
30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90............
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[freeflir29 0]

Hey...it's not all bad. Now he'll keel over a little faster and can get away from that bitch....LMAO
"The cab driver said... he recognized my girly by the back of her head" -Beasty Boys
Clay

[SpeedRacer 1]

An elderly Irish couple was sitting around the table after their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman turned to her husband and punched him hard in the arm and said, "That's fer fifty years o' bad sex!"
The old man just scowled at her for a minute, then punched her in the arm and said, "That's fer knowin' the difference!"

Speed Racer
"Come up to my lab,
And see what's on the slab!"

[Slappie 9]

Q: What do you call a skydiver with no arms and no legs??
A: Give up?.....It's Mark!!
Q: And what was the name of his dog??
A: It's Spot!
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[Slappie 9]

A first time jump student is in the plane, at 13000', and won't go. His jumpmaster, anxious to jump, glares at him and yells, "IF YOU DON'T JUMP, I'M GONNA F***K YOU UP THE ASS !!!"
The next day, the student's friends ask him if he jumped. He replies, "Yea .... a little at first".
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[Slappie 9]

Guy gets ready to make his first ten-second delay. His jumpmaster sees he's nervous and says, "Don't worry. Just get out there, arch, count to ten, and pull your main ripcord. If there's a problem with the main, you know you have a reserve. When you land, the truck will pick you up and take you back to the loft."
So the guy exits, arches and pulls. Nothing happens. He reefs on his reserve ripcord. Dirty laundry comes out of the reserve container. He's falling faster, close to terminal, and he looks at the ground and says, "Great. I bet the f***ing truck won't be there, either."
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[Slappie 9]

I don't know exactly what "BASE" stands for,
buildings, antennas, blah, blah, blah, so I made my own.

1. Brains Atrophied - Speeding Earthward
2. Becoming Another Splotch - EEEW!!
3. Bragging About Stupid Endeavors
4. Banging Against Solid Earth
5. Brains Aren't Solidly Engineered
6. Balls ARE Solidly Engineered
7. Beginning A Sooner Eternity
8. Becoming A Stiff Early
9. Buddies Are Surely Endangered
10. Bodies Are Shattered Eventually
11. Brushing Away Safety Egotistically

And, since I have some spare time, here's a haiku:

Brisk wind on my face
'Chute won't open - holy crap
Pants are filled with poop
If this offends anyone...Lighten up.
Blue Skies!http://www.geocities.com/scollins77057/index.html

[RedBull 0]

Quote

Brisk wind on my face
'Chute won't open - holy crap
Pants are filled with poop

Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!
Thanks for the haiku, Slappy. You've made my afternoon.
Perhaps it's just the Beavis in me, but the word "poop" always makes me happy.
BTW, my fellow jumpers and I refer to a dump taken in freefall as a Denver omelette.
"Don't be afraid of death so much as an inadequate life." -- Bertolt Brecht

[Zennie 0]

Nice haiku!
--------
Zennie
"I know the pieces fit. 'Cause I watched them fall away..."
--Tool

[PalmettoTiger 1]

Yeah, I've seen the BASE list before. Pretty funny stuff! Blues, squares,
PTiger

[pyke 0]

Body Aching...Suddenly Expires
LOL!!!! Sorry...it has been a long day!
Kahurangi e Mahearangi,
Pyke
NZPF A - 2584
USPA C- ?????