SpeedRacer 1 #1 October 4, 2001 If Men Ran the World . . . 1.Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.2.Birth control would come in ale or lager.3.Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.4.On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.5.St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.6.Garbage would take itself out.7.Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.8.The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".9.Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".10.Tanks would be far easier to rent.11.Two words..."Ally McNaked".12.When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".13.People would never talk about how fresh they felt.14.Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.15.Every man would get four, real, Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.16.Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.17.It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.18.Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!".19.When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.20.Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".21.The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.22."Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.23.At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.24.Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.25.Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards----Oh, by the way, how many posts does it take to get to be an addict? I've been on this forum forever, I'm still an Old Hand & I post a lot!Guess I need to start posting more & stop wasting so much time working! LOL!Speed RacerFirewalk with me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tee 0 #2 October 4, 2001 Thanks for the laugh Speedy!! Those ring so VERY true shich is almost frightening! Tee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freaksister 0 #3 October 4, 2001 Men DO run the world, though...you just don't get everything your own way! hahahahaha That's the payback you get for the "glass ceiling."The Freak KittyI lust for the ultimate rush... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #4 October 4, 2001 Thanks for the laughs, Speed !Quote When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".Sigh. If only that were true....Don Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PalmettoTiger 1 #5 October 5, 2001 quick funny fer all me mates-http://www.voyeurist.de/diplomacy.swfnot porn, despite the URLenjoyTIGER Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wceviper 0 #6 October 5, 2001 That is good, The begining is really built up good. LOL-Jasonps, one of these days I will get past Newbie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyhawk 2 #7 October 5, 2001 mhaaaaaaaaaa coombya mudafukersi live my life 14000 ft at a time, nothen else matters, in that 60 seconds or less im free Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #8 October 5, 2001 damn, i gota forward that to a bunch of people that is one of the best i've seen yet......he never knew whatt hit him...."up my noooossseee"- wingnut, at first euro dz.com boogie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aviatrr 0 #9 October 5, 2001 Quote Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!". That's not really true?! Shit...maybe that's why she said no.. Ah, well, at least I've still got the foam hand..Mike Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
