How many can you answer??

[Slappie 9]

1. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
2. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
3. What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?
4. If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
5. If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on "Baywatch"?
6. If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
7. If you got into a taxi and the driver starts driving backwards, does she/he owe you money?
8. If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
9. If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
10. If corn oil comes from corn, and olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?
11. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
12. If fur coats are made from fur, then shouldn't rain coats be made from rain?
13. If a rain coat protects you from rain, then shouldn't a fur coat protect you from fur?
14. Why can't breadfruit trees grow bread?
15. Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
16. If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
17. Where does a nudist put his/her car keys after they park their car?
18. If the Unstoppable Juggernaut hit the Immovable Blob, what would happen?
19. If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
20. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
21. If a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
22. If all babies are cute, then why are there so many ugly people in the world?
23. What is Spam?
24. If Spam substitute is artificial artificial meat, does that make it real?
25. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
26. Why don't sheep shrink when they get wet?
27. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
28. Why do they sterilize needles that are used for lethal injections?
29. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
30. What's another word for thesaurus?
31. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
32. What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
33. Why are there expiration dates on sour cream containers?
34. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
35. What happens when you turn on your headlights if you're driving at the speed of light?
36. How did the fool and his money ever get together?
37. If a mute says a bad word, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
38. If necessity is the mother of invention, then why are so many unnecessary things invented?
39. Why is it that when you blow in a dog's face, it gets mad; but if you take it for a car ride, it sticks its head out the window?
40. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?
41. Why is it that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster is a maniac?
42. If 7-11's are open all day, every day, then why are there locks on the doors?
43. You know how packages always say "open here"? What if it says "open somewhere else"?
44. When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER, does he root against the doctors?
45. Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats and not parachutes?
46. Why is it that when you send something by car, it's a shipment; but if you send it by boat, it's cargo?
47. Why do they sell cigarettes at gas stations when you can't smoke there?
48. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
49. If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan?
50. If buttered toast always lands butter-side-down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied buttered toast to a cat's back and dropped it?
51. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it?
52. Why is it that we recite at a play, but play at a recital?
53. Why do they have Braille number pads at drive through bank machines?
54. Why can't they make the whole plane out of the stuff they use for the indestructible black box?
55. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
56. Is it possible to nail Jell-O to a wall?
57. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
58. Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
59. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
60. If it's battered cod, does that mean they hit it?
61. Is it okay to go door-to-door selling "No Soliciting" signs?
62. Why is it that if you tell a man there are 400 billion stars, he believes you; but if you tell him a bench has wet paint, he has to touch it?
63. If it was only a 3-hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so much clothing?
64. Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?
65. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
66. Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
67. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?
68. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
69. Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and put garments in a suitcase?
70. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
71. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
72. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
73. What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
74. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
75. If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
76. What's another word for synonym?
77. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
78. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
79. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
80. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
81. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
82. Why do they report power outages on TV?
83. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
84. Is it possible to be totally partial?
85. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
86. Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?
87. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
88. If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
89. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
90. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
91. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
92. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
93. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
94. Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
95. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
96. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
97. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
98. If warm air rises, why is the atmosphere so cold?
99. If Barbie's so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?
100. If psychics know that you're going to call, why do they have to ask your name?
101. Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in their adultery?
102. Why is back pain medication always on the bottom shelf?
103. Ever notice what the first 3 letters of the word "diet" spell?
104. Did you know that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"? Do you care?
105. Why are Donald and Mickey never fully clothed?
106. How do you throw out a trash can?
107. Is dry cleaning really dry?
108. Why is a baker's dozen 13 things? Can't bakers count?
109. Do male ladybugs get made fun of by other bugs?
110. What does Geronimo say when he jumps from high places?
111. What is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?
112. When you stop and think, can you forget to start again?
113. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
114. Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
115. Does the information superhighway have rest stops?
116. If you had everything, where would you keep it?
117. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
118. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
119. If you aren't supposed to drink and drive, why do they sell beer at gas stations?
120. If you get disemboweled, do your innards become your outards?
121. If talk is cheap, why is my phone bill so high?
122. How can there be so much difference between a day off and an off-day?
123. If you've been married for a million years, does your wedding album go platinum?
124. What would it be like to be parked diagonally in a parallel universe?
125. If someone comes up to you and tells you that they're an obsessive compulsive liar, how do you know they're telling the truth?
126. How can you tell if Don King is having a bad hair day?
127. Can you charge your Visa bill to your Mastercard?
128. Should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
129. What will happen to 20th Century Fox in the year 2001?
130. Why do hot dogs come in packages of 12, but the buns only come in packages of 8?
131. Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar; but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
132. Why do banks charge an "insufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
133. Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
134. If it's zero degrees out today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
135. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
136. Why are they called buildings when they're already finished?
137. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
138. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song?
139. If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
140. Why do scientists call it research when they're looking for something new?
141. Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
142. Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they're in charge of everything outdoors?
143. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
144. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
145. If it's raining cats and dogs, are they spayed and neutered?
146. Is there such a thing as a "B" cell battery?
147. If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why bother practicing?
148. Why are microphones so big?
149. If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
150. Can you be arrested for selling "illegal" sized paper?
151. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how do you know if it's wrong?
152. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
153. Why do irons have a setting for "permanent press"?
154. Isn't room temperature whatever temperature it happens to be in the room you're in?
155. If it's such a small world, why does it cost so much to run it?
156. If you die in your sleep, how do you know?
157. What would happen if you opened a milk carton from the other side?
158. If the moon is made of cheese, what kind of cheese was used?
159. Do they vacuum the walls at movie theatres?
160. Can you stop payment on a reality check?
161. Who watches the Watchmen?
162. Why do banks ask if you have money (collateral) when you want to borrow money?
163. How can chaos be mathematically defined if it's random?
164. Shouldn't white supremacists worship albinos?
165. Why and how do wire hangers get tangled together when you leave them alone?
166. If you're driving at 60 m.p.h. while on a cellular phone, are you talking a mile a minute?
167. Do bleached blondes fake having more fun?
168. Is there a denture fairy who leaves slugs instead of real money?
169. How do you display an easel?
170. Was the pole vault accidently discovered by a lousy javelin thrower?
171. How can you tell if a cartoon's family picture is a portrait or a photo?
172. Why don't more masked robbers hold up ski lodges?
173. Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
174. Could it be that boulders are just really big statues of rocks?
175. Do police sketch artists start out as the person who outlines the dead bodies?
176. Who puts the thin ice sign on thin ice, and why don't they ever fall in?
177. If vacuums are nothingness, why do we have vacuum cleaners?
178. How can something be both 'new' and 'improved' at the same time?
179. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
180. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
181. Before they invented drawing boards, what did people go back to?
182. If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
183. Why is it that whenever someone calls and wakes us up, and they ask if they woke us, we always say, "No"?
184. Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
185. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
186. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
187. If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
188. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
189. If a tin whistle is made out of tin, what exactly is a fog horn made out of?
190. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
191. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
192. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
193. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
194. Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior?
195. Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
196. Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
197. What is the colour of a chameleon on a mirror?
198. If I save the whales, where should I keep them?
199. Can I yell "Movie!" in a crowded firehouse?
200. Is a virtuoso a musician with really high morals?
201. Where does the fire go when it goes out?
202. If you see an onion ring, should you answer it?
203. Why get even when you can get odd?
204. Are part time band leaders semiconductors?
205. Are Cheerios really donut seeds?
206. How do I set my laser printer to "stun"?
207. Is Multimate the word processor for bigamists?
208. Were Noah's bees archived?
209. Why are wrong numbers never busy?
210. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
211. Shouldn't women wear night gowns instead of evening gowns to night clubs?
212. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
213. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
214. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
215. Why do croutons come in airtight packages if they're just stale bread to begin with?
216. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
217. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
218. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
219. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
220. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
221. Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
222. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
223. If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
224. What happened to Preparations A through G?
225. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
226. If Helen Keller fell in the woods, and no one was around to hear her, would she make a sound?
227. If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to see, do the other trees make fun of it?
228. If a tree falls on a mime, does anybody care?
229. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
230. If man evolved from apes and monkeys, why do we still have apes and monkeys?
231. If all those psychics know the winning lotto numbers, why are they still working?
232. Why is it that friends forgive you, but enemies accumulate?
233. Why is it that when you find something in the store you really like, it's a sure sign they are going to stop making it?
234. Why are the other lines always moving faster until you get into one of them?
235. Why do they call it a "hot water heater"? Isn't hot water already heated?
236. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
237. Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
238. Does the reverse side of something also have a reverse side?
239. Why is there only one "monopolies commission" in the United States?
240. If you are at a McDonald's in Mexico, do the people who work there speak English?




My New Website with 24hr Chat

[freeflir29 0]

2. Beer
4.Green after about a week
5. Cause who nobody watches that show for the "acting"
6. Only if he can aim and fire with his toes
7. Not even in Korea
8. Yes
9. No. Pizza Kitty after the car behind runs over it
10. It's a horrible secret
11. Only the ones in the Red light district
15. At least
17. Thats why God gave them butt cheeks
23. It's a horrible secret
29. You haven't been to Montana
32. Boxes
33. Mold
36. Parents
All for now...come back later....
"There once was a man named Enis....."-Krusty the Clown
Clay

[FallingMarc 0]

Wow, that's way too much for me to handle...
Except #56, no, you can't. I've tried.

[ltdiver 3]

___________________________________________________
50. If buttered toast always lands butter-side-down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied buttered toast to a cat's back and dropped it?
___________________________________________________
Perhaps the answer to prevent 'bouncing'! ;^)
Whatta you think? Strap a cat to a student's belly and put buttered toast on the student's back. Create a theory of perpetual motion and they'll never land!! :-)
Grins,
ltdiver
__________________________________________
http://www.discover.net/~ltdiver

[Slappie 9]

Quote

Strap a cat to a student's belly and put buttered toast on the student's back. Create a theory of perpetual motion and they'll never land!!

I think you just came up with a good idea!! My only question is will the cat have claws? I would hate to see the student or anyone for that matter with a cat strapped to there chest strap on a jump! Could you imagine the blood and mayhem under canopy!! Ohhhhhhh the horror!!!!!
My New Website with 24hr Chat

[freeflir29 0]

"Could you imagine the blood and mayhem under canopy"
That's why you would need a cut away handle......."There once was a man named Enis....."-Krusty the Clown
Clay

[Keith 0]

20. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
'Cause if love weren't blind the lingerie industry would go out of business, according to recent obesity statistics anyway :)
Keith

[Pammi 0]

Quote

Wow, that's way too much for me to handle...
Except #56, no, you can't. I've tried.

Good gawd..you made it to 56??
Hemp/skydiving jewelry pics!

[FallinWoman 1]

224. Gross I don't want to know!!!!!!

[wceviper 0]

16. Terrorists
40. No Clue, But I catch myself doing that
41. Haven't had anyone pass me yet, I must be the maniac
45. Cause the cost to replace them when skydivers got on board would be too much
104. Thats pretty cool
130. If I ever become president, I will fix this problem
183. We don't want them to know we are bums at 11am (Or 3 in the afternoon)
:)

[indyz 1]

I thought answering all of these would be funny. It isn't. I got to 169 and stopped. I have to sleep off a very loud concert with an awesome double encore now. Enjoy.
1. Thats just the way it works.
2. Unsliced bread.
3. Like a normal chair but backwards.
4. Purplish.
5. Somebody paid attention to the acting on Baywatch?
6. Sure, why not.
7. You wish. The meter is like an odometer, it goes up no matter what direction you are going.
8. Is it a liberal Congress or a conservative Congress?
9. Sure. Wordplay is fun, isn' it?
10. Babies.
11. That's what they call themselves when we aren't watching.
12. Only if you want to get wet.
13. No. Jesus, wordplay gets old after a while.
14. This seemed like a good idea when I started.
15. They have infinitely many halflives. Pay attention in physics, people!
16. Freedom. Just look at the Talibab.
17. Let's just say that they stay warm.
18. The universe would implode.
19. If the elevator ran fast enough.
20. Lust has 20/20 vision. Unless you are drunk.
21. Nope, try cud.
22. I've seen my share of ugly babies.
23. The leftover parts of pork.
24. Spam is not artificial meat.
25. Frap helmets looks cool.
26. Something shrinks...
27. If you don't want to get caught.
28. They don't make 'em any other way.
29. You can, if you like jail.
30. Book-with-words-of-the-same-meaning.
31. The guy that invented the word thought he was being funny.
32. Cardboard boxes.
33. Sour-sour cream is nasty.
34. Set is short for setup.
35. I do not want to discuss quantum physics right now.
36. Inheritance.
37. No, of course not, the belts him.
38. "Stephanie" is the cheap slut of invention who screws around with the father of invention.
39. Ask again later.
40. Women don't, men do. Draw your own conclusions.
41. Because I am right and they are wrong, god dammit.
42. Emergencies.
43. That would be funny. I'll have to remember it for Xmas.
44. No. He only wants people who want to die to be able to kill themselves.
45. "All right everybody: We're gonna go for the 4-point 225-way, then breakoff"
46. You can send cargo in a car and a shipment in a ship.
47. Greed.
48. He has his own car, smart ass.
49. http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_173.html
50. PETA would have you arrested for cruelty to animals.
51. A doodad.
52. You don't recite a play, you perform it.
53. Blind people can get a ride to the ATM.
54. That would be a heavy-ass plane.
55. Once again, physics. Grand unified theory.
56. Yes (photos to come).
57. No, it is just logic of 1<=x<=0.
58. Blind eskimos would be left to die.
59. Yep.
60. No, it means that they put batter on it.
61. Only if the house doesn't already have one.
62. Once again, only a man. There is no way in hell a woman would touch that bench.
63. And why did they have suitcases full of cash?
64. Because, dammit.
65. Imperceptibly so.
66. 'Cause it keeps the bowl clean.
67. Again, PETA would be all over you.
68. Speaking as somebody who hasn't washed his bath towel since he moved into the dorm this fall, no.
69. You could do the opposite if you wanted to.
70. It hasn't hardened yet.
71. No, they speak Italian.
72. Satan.
73. Nothing.
74. No, it's considered funny.
75. No, plants don't have brains.
76. Same-meaning-word.
77. Now that you mention it, yes.
78. Sure.
79. Cotton balls aren't medicine.
80. Work.
81. Cats don't prefer mice.
82. So other people who aren't affected know about it.
83. Laugh, maybe take a picture.
84. No.
85. HAHAH! ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!1. God, these are getting weak.
86. No, it would be a handicapped fly.
87. I'd be afraid somebody would steal the condom machine.
88. Funeral procession are NEVER at night.
89. It is dead.
90. Sure, why not.
91. Yeah, otherwise the mime will get of on a technicality.
92. A question of human nature, we will never figure it out.
93. No. It's hard to mow the grass at night.
94. Yep.
95. If you don't tell anybody about it.
96. A book that doesn't sell is always a failure.
97. That one doesn't even make sense.
98. Less pressure == colder.
99. Plastice (boobs and all) is expensive.
100. They can tell the future, not your name.
101. I certainly did.
102. I seriously doubt that it actually is.
103. No I hadn't, but now that you point it out...
104. I did not know that, and, as it turns out, I don't care.
105. They are child molestors.
106. Bend at the knees, lift, toss.
107. Yes.
108. It's a freebie, to make you feel all warm and fuzzy.
109. Probably. That might be why ladybug school shootings have been on the rise (that, or video games).
110. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
111. Not shipping and handling, maybe?
112. Yes, because you aren't stopping thinking.
113. They should, but unfortunately, they don't.
114. He's "The Man."
115. Yes, it's called porn.
116. In your universe, which you would also own.
117. You die.
118. The well is dry.
119. Your supposed to drink it, then drive.
120. Your innards come out, but don't become outtards.
121. Phone sex.
122. I just don't have anything for this one.
123. This one either.
124. Like parallel parking in a diagonal universe.
125. Ask them if they are God.
126. You can't really, but it's fun to try.
127. It isn't a good idea, but it is possible.
128. They take a percentage. A percentage of $0 isn't anything, but what the hell, right?
129. Hey! It is 2001! And they didn't change their name, as far as I know.
130. A greedy coalition of hot dog and hot dog bun manufacturers.
131. "ajar" and "a jar" are different, jackass.
132. You eventually pay it back.
133. Sure, why not.
134. Define a baseline for "cold" and I can give you an answer.
135. No, it's a people trap controlled by a cryogenically frozen Nazi.
136. Jesus... I can't believe that I'm still doing this.
137. They have walls. Otherwise they would be flophouses.
138. It's random.
139. They don't know. Read about string theory, it's fun.
140. A lot of times, they aren't.
141. Actually, it has six syllables.
142. The interior of the United States (inside the borders).
143. He plucks.
144. Damn straight. Good advice.
145. Bob Barker hopes so.
146. Yes. They use them mostly in bicycle lights in Europe.
147. Again, good advice. I'm going to teach my kids to drive by just giving them the keys.
148. Compared to macrophones, they aren't.
149. This one makes no sense.
150. In China.
151. Check another dictionary.
152. Yes. Dry ice sublimates, meaning it never hits the liquid state before it becomes a gas.
153. Fyn fact: I have never ironed anything, ever.
154. 70 degrees F.
155. It doesn't cost anything. In modern economies, money has no real value.
156. You wake up dead.
157. Nothing. Try it sometime.
158. I'm partial to swiss.
159. Believe it or not, yes.
160. They just keep getting stupider, folks.
161. We don't understand this one, either.
162. They don't ask you if you have money, they ask you if you have something of value.
163. It can't be mathematically defined.
164. White supremacists don't worship caucasians either.
165. Ghosts.
166. Almost. Since the earth is curved, you are travelling slightly less than a linear mile.
167. No, they put out more, and that is fun.
168. Who the hell thought that one up?
169. On a much larger easle.
--
Brian

[flyhi 24]

Quote

27. If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Doesn't matter. Just shoot him.

Quote

5. If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on "Baywatch"?

There's only two reasons to watch "Baywatch". Acting isn't either one.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

flyhi