Letter from a Marine in Afghanistan

[SpeedRacer 1]

My father forwarded this to me. He got it from someone else & I'm not sure where it comes from originally.
It's apparently a letter from a Marine in Afgahnistan. I'm not saying I agree with everything he says, but it's an interesting perpective.
-SpeedRacer
Subject: Sounds about right to me
Message from a Marine in Afghanistan Saturday, November 17th Just
outside of Ab Gach, in the Northwest panhandle of Afghanistan between
Tajikstan and Pakistan.
November 11, 2001 Bizarre, It's (expletive) freezing here. I'm sitting
on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu
Kush mountains along the Dar 'yoi Pomir River watching a hole that leads
to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza
delivery for thousands of miles.
I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to
avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the
chiggers and sand fleas, but them (expletive) scorpions give a jolt like
a cattle prod.
Hurts like a (expletive). The antidote tastes like transmission fluid
but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.
The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they
are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water.
That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like me
comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and
storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the
coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where
to drop the hardware, we bash some heads for a while, then I track and
record the new movement. It's all about intelligence.
We haven't even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have
no idea what they're in for. We are but days away from cutting off
supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin. I dream of bin
Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat
as I spit a bloody ear into his face and plunge my nickel plated Bowie
knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me. I'm a romantic.
I've said it before and Ill say it again: This country blows, man. It's
not even a country. There are no roads, there's no infrastructure,
here's no government. This is an inhospitable, rock pit (expletive)
ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like
we know jobs.
Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the
opium trade or join the army. That's it. Those are your options. Oh,
I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened,
crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu if
that's your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those "tent cities
of the walking dead" is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to
cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.
And let me tell you something else. I've been living with these Tajiks
and Uzbeks and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtins for over a month
and a half now and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of em,
are Huns. Actual, living Huns. They LIVE to fight. Its what they do.
Its ALL they do. They have no respect for anything, not for their
families or for each other or for themselves. They claw at one another
as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their
five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor.
Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's
barbarism. (Expletive) cavemen with AK 47's.
Then again, maybe I'm just cranky.
I'm freezing my (expletive) off on this stupid (expletive)
hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice and I can't recharge
it until the sun comes up in a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write
letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell
Judy and Bernie and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop
calling the Taliban "smart." They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest
in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is "cunning." The
Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are
sneaky and ruthless and, when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful,
malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else.
Smart. Pfft. Yeah, they're real smart.
They've spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very
good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be
products of the devil.
They're still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter.
Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like
trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets
frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it. OK, enough.
Snuffle will be up soon so I have to get back to my hole.
Covering my Tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice but I'm getting
good at it. Please tell my fellow Americans to turn off their TV sets
and move on with their lives. The story line you are getting from CNN
is utter (expletive) and designed not to deliver truth but rather to
keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We've got this
one under control.
The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what
we're doing over here because you have no idea what we're doing and,
really, you don't want to know. We are your military and we are doing
what you sent us here to do.
You wanna help? Buy some (expletive) stocks, America.
Saucy Jack
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[freeflir29 0]

I could shoot that one full of holes.....I never got CNN in my fox hole or when I was out front with the Scouts. Ummm....I don't think the Marines were ever in "Northwestern Afghanistan" that's been Army territory so far.....I think the "panhandle reffered to is meant to be the Pansher valley which is in the Northeast and has been controlled by the so far friendly Northern Alliance for many years.......should I go on...."and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[SpeedRacer 1]

Hey yeah, thanks for pointing that out.
I wonder if this means that the entire letter is fake, or just the blurb at the top, where they f&*ked up w/ the geography.
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[freeflir29 0]

Pretty sure it was someone with too much time on there hands and GI Joe fantasies. I mean....whats this "can't recharge my lap warmer till the sun comes up" Nobody has room for nicety items in a ruck sack. Nicety items when going on a patrol are things like....complete MRE's, used to break them down and only take the "Good stuff" to save space, a complete sleeping bag, only took the gortex liner or just a "space blanket" to keep warm in the winter, smokes...not that you would want to smoke in a real world patrol...smell and light sources can kill you,, etc. etc.........Hell...the radio I used to carry weighed 16lbs with the batteries in it. They only last about 18 hrs and extras are about 4-5 lbs a set. Trust me....packing light means an 80 lb ruck sack and that ain't easy to carry!
PS......WTF is this "lap warmer" LOL
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[PhreeZone 20]

I'd say is a damn good guess that this thing is fake. Lots of these type letters started appearing soon after September 11 about"Survivor Stories" and now "War Stories" are appearing..... And you know what....everyone of them is hoax, most worte by the same people that live by Soldier of Fortune stuff.

[SpeedRacer 1]

Well, OK I guess you guys have pretty much convinced me. If it is fake I apologize. I couldn't find anything about it on snopes.com, but here's something funny I did find:
From: Bin Laden, Osama [mailto:osama@taliban.com]
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM
To: Cavemates
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.
Osama
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[freeflir29 0]

That one is worth a couple giggles!!! Especially the beard and Cheez-it things!!!! "and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[mnischalke 0]

I got this yesterday.
My first thought was internet access in Afghanistan? I know the army is getting the IOWS or whatever that techie wargames personal weapon system stuff is, but Marine forward observers are now carrying laptops? Cool. Glad I left. That's an extra 15 pounds for my pack.
Even if that was snail mail, shipped back to the world and typed into the computer, the month and a half (my friends who are still in say we have only put Marines on the ground in the last month) would have made his in-country date around the first of October. (ever try to send mail while deployed? I beat a letter to my house that I sent two weeks earlier from lovely downtown Mogadishu.)
Vials of bad tasting serum for scorpion stings issued by my beloved Corps? really?
Let's not even get into the fact that he is eiter using NVG's to write this little note or he has a light on in a place where any light after sunset is a target.
It's a nice piece of fiction from Joe Wannabe after a sixpack and a bag of fritos while flipping back and forth between CNN and Sniper on the Stars network.
Peace out.
mike

[freeflir29 0]

"CNN and Sniper on the Stars network.'
No....but I could do it....I saw it on TV once......
"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[skyhawk 2]

while we agree its a fake we dont habe to get technical
I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and
storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the
coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where
to drop the hardware, we bash some heads for a while, then I track and
record the new movement. It's all about intelligence.
We haven't even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have
no idea what they're in for. We are but days away from cutting off
supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin. I dream of bin
Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat
as I spit a bloody ear into his face and plunge my nickel plated Bowie
knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me. I'm a romantic.
i dont think that the army would be letting soldiers tell operational information second on the 11th of november that was ages ago i cant remember but they where either "not yet in the country" or they where setting up
Click Me

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

nickel plated Bowie

Boy, I bet a whole lot of Marines use those as their field knife...
AggieDave '02
-------------
Blue Skies and Gig'em Ags!
BTHO t.u.

[jtval 0]

funny shit if you take into consideration the person who worte this probably believe it himself. and before the 11th(of sept) he probly never heard of the military.
REMEMBER THE MOVIE "TRUE LIES?" i think that was the guys who wrote this
Have fun, LIVE FREE, Skydive
JT

[mnischalke 0]

Screw Kabar. I used to use a nickel plated bowie. I thought it a bit small too, so I began to carry my 52" broad sword.
And where's Alienangel when you need a parody?
mike

[jtval 0]

YEA (i say as i pump my fists[cool it guys])
send rambo in to get them
Have fun, LIVE FREE, Skydive
JT

[SpeedRacer 1]

Here's another one for your amusement:
-------------------------------------
Phone rings]
Man with middle eastern accent: Hello. Taliban Pizza.
Radke: Uh, yeah. Hi. I ordered a large mushroom and green pepper, like, two hours ago.
Middle eastern accent: Yes, we are proud to say we made the pizza. We will honor and defend the pizza.
Radke: Yeah, that's great. Um, where is it?
Middle eastern accent: To find you, our driver went down the big road, the one that goes by the Rec Center. He took that down about a mile and a half, past the market, until he got to the Circle K.
Radke: Okay, so he went past the Rec Center?
Middle eastern accent: No, he went nowhere near the Rec Center! Why are you talking about a Rec Center?
Radke: I thought you said he went by the Rec Center.
Middle eastern accent: No; you said that. I didn't say that. We're not even sure there is a Rec Center.
Radke: Okay; fine. Let's start over -- I just want the pizza.
Middle eastern accent: It is our policy that you did not order any pizza.
Radke: What? Yes, I did!
Middle eastern accent: We demand proof. You can't intimidate us with your pizza talk.
Radke: Oh, man! Come on! What do I got to do to get my pizza? I'm hungry!
Middle eastern accent: Please hold.
Radke: Now I'm on hold. Man! I can't believe this! Should have ordered from Pakistan.
Middle eastern accent: This is not Taliban Pizza. You have the wrong number. [Falsetto voice] This is Judy's Beauty Shop. In Pasedena. [return to middle eastern accent] Also, there is no such thing as pizza.
Radke: Come on, man! When am I going to get my pizza!
Middle eastern accent: We have placed the pizza in a neutral location.
Radke: Okay.
Middle eastern accent: Go down the dirt path by the Rec Center. Turn left at the goat and look for the new condos. Someone who is certainly not named Omar may be there and give you the pizza, but he may not be. Please bring Jesse Jackson with you. There are no condos there. You never ordered mushrooms so there will be plenty of mushrooms. We do not recognize mushrooms... [fade out]

Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[SpeedRacer 1]

Here's another one (see attachment)
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[SpeedRacer 1]

D'OH! That didn't work. It was a full size picture when I copied it, but it came out as a thumbnail
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields

[freeflir29 0]

"Talitubby"
Thats worth a giggle......"and I'm not easily impressed...Ooohh look...a blue car!" -Homer Simpson

[indyz 1]

This pic showed up im my inbox a few days ago.
--
Brian

[SpeedRacer 1]

I sent this "letter from a Marine" into snopes.com & they have added it to their "rumors of war" section of their website.Click here
Speed Racer
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork from my lunch?!
-WC Fields