Cow Economics

[AggieDave 6]

The post about Enron's Cow Economics made me go look for the rest of the joke...Here's some of the funnier ones (from the HUGE list I found AMERICAN GLOBALISM: You have two cows. They produce great quantities of rich, sweet, healthy milk which you sell under contract to a dairy conglomerate. One day the dairy conglomerate tells you that unless you sell them the milk below production cost they will void your contract and buy dog milk from Guatemala.
JAPANESE ULTRANATIONALISM: You have two cows. You sell their milk all over the world. You refuse to allow foreign milk into the country because it is foreign milk.
MEXICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Milking them is too much trouble so you flee to America and go on welfare.
RUSSIAN FEMINISM: You have two cows. Your husband refuses to milk them. One evening you serve your husband a glass of milk mixed with vodka. The next morning he is up at 4:00 a.m. milking the cows.
MULTINATIONAL CORPORATISM: You have two cows. You clear-cut the Amazonian rain forest to create grazing land, have the cows milked in China by prison labor, powder the milk to sell to poor African nursing mothers who mix it with water from a drainage ditch, and give a share of your profits to Republican Congressmen.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. They hold a presidential election. One cow votes for George W. Bush and one votes for Al Gore. Bush claims victory. Gore claims the other cow really meant to vote for him.
CANADIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You are not allowed to sell any milk in Quebec because your cows moo in English.
RUSSIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. The Russian Mafia takes your milk and deposits it in a bank in Zurich. You blame American capitalism.
FRENCH FREE MARKET CAPITALISM: You have two cows. The government subsidizes your barn, feed and milking machines. The McDonald's in Paris buys all your milk, earning you a substantial profit. You drive your tractor into town and throw rocks at the Golden Arches.
SWEDISH SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Your veterinary bills are paid by the government. A high price for your milk is guaranteed by the government. You have an annual gross income of $162,000 with eight months paid vacation. Your income tax bill is $431,000.
GERMAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You just can't wait for another chance to drive them across the Rhine and graze them in France.
COLOMBIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Once a month you hitch them to a wagon and drive your coca leaves to market.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all
the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for
by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as
much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care
of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep' brains and
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can
feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After
that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly
listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk
rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights
to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that
the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill
the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or
killing them.
FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering,
intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to
society) bovines of non specified gender.
COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You
got to have some of this milk.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
ECOLOGISM 2- You have two cows. Their methane emissions cause global warming. Eco-terrorists raid your farm and release your cows into the wild. Their methane emissions continue to cause global warming.

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.-General George Patton-

[lazerq3 0]

HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!......those were good.................
But I dont get it..........what if you drink skimmilk ....then what do you do??
jason

[freefallfreak 0]

Quote

then what do you do??

I can't speak for you but I'd get sick and puke...
FFF