lummy 4 #26 February 12, 2002 Lummy pulls out the big guns....3 guys are in a bar bragging about how good they are in the sack and basically trying to outdo each other. Finally they decide that they would each bet $20 to see who could make their girlfriends to scream the longest. They shake hands and agree to meet at the bar the next day and exchange storiesThe next day, they meet at the bar and the first guys says:" Well guys... I got this one. I made reservations for a romantic dinner and then we went for a lovely stroll thru the park. Afterwards, we went home and made love and my woman screamed for a good two hours".....The second guy then spoke up. " Is that it? Oh, I have this one HANDS down then!!! Well guys, here's how you do it. I went to the movie store and rented a couple of 6 hour pornos and then bought some Tequila and went home. Popped the movie in and did couple of shots with the ol lady and guys, no lie I had her screaming for 6 hours straight......"The last guy who didn't seem at all impressed finally spoke up." tsk Tsk Tsk.... WEll guys, I went home made the wench cook me some dinner. After Dinner I told her to get her skanky ass in the bedroom where I slid it in and got off in 5 seconds flat. When I was done, I got up, wiped my schlong on the curtains and that bitch is STILL screaming!!!!."Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #27 February 12, 2002 A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal. Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #28 February 12, 2002 Anyone want to go clubbing tonight?Saw some baby seals down by the warf.........Seb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #29 February 12, 2002 OK, my turn for tastlessness...what was helen keller's favorite color?cordoroy.blue skiesTomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #30 February 12, 2002 What does a horse eat?HayWhat dose a gay horse eat?[gay voice] hayay! [/gay voice]Seb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #31 February 12, 2002 ....and they said my jokes were bad! Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #32 February 12, 2002 How did helen keller's parents punish her?they rearranged the furniture. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #33 February 12, 2002 WEll since this thread went COMPLETELY down the toilet......BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIESStill a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hisgoofyness 0 #34 February 12, 2002 One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock-up of a heart made up of red flowers.When the pastor finished with his sermon, and after everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened. The coffin rolled inside and the heart closed again.At that moment, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the guy next to him asked, "Why are you laughing?""I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynecologist."hisgoofynessits a bird, its a plane, no wait, its one goofy s.o.b. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #35 February 12, 2002 Hey what did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?"Make me one with everything."------------------------------Six wise, blind elephants were discussing what humans were like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were like by direct experience. The first wise, blind elephant felt the human, and declared, "Humans are flat." The other wise, blind elephants, after similarly feeling the human, agreed. --------------------------------Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sebazz1 2 #36 February 12, 2002 Just an every day average man died and found himself in Hell. He was not very pleased to be there and it showed on his face. The devil approached him and said "why the long face?"The man "well I am in hell, what can I possibly be happy about"Devil "Do you like gambling?"The man "Yes I do"Devil "Well you're gonna love monday's, it's gambling night and you can play and bet all you want it doesn't matter cause your dead......"Devil "Do you like drinking and doing drugs?"And the man started to smile "yes I do"Devil "Oh man will you ever love Wednedays, you drink and do whatever drugs you want and don't have to worry cause you're deadDevil "Do you by any chance like men?"Man " Oh no I don't"Devil "Well you're probably not going to like fridays nights"Seb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spinmaster 0 #37 February 12, 2002 ROTFLMAO.....everyone around me at work is looking at me and wondering why the hell I just spit coke all over the place.....excellent one lummy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #38 February 12, 2002 And for the reading impairedHUH? where'd it go?Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #39 February 12, 2002 IF at first you don't succeedStill a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #40 February 12, 2002 A woman comes home from work and when she walk in the door her husband says, "Honey, Honey! Great news!! I won the lottery!!! All 20 million dollars!! Pack your bags!!!"She excitedly replies, "That's great!! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"His answer..."I don't care, just get the fuck out!"cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #41 February 12, 2002 A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.The bartender says, "Hey, you guys better not start anything in here!"Speed Racer"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #42 February 12, 2002 So two guys are hanging out at the water cooler on a Monday morning after a weekend, and both notice that the other has a black eye. The first guy says to the second, "what happened?" so the other guy explains "well, remember how i had to go on that trip over the weekend to pittsburgh? well, something came up and i had to change the flight to a later time so i go up to the counter. the girl working there had some really nice breasts, so instead of saying 'id like to change my ticket to pittsburgh' i had a slip of the tongue and said 'id like to change my picket to tittsburgh', so she punched me in the face."the other guy says "funny, something similar happened to me. i was having dinner with the wife, and i meant to say 'could you please pass the salt' but accidentally said 'i hate you you stupid bitch you fucked up my life''blue skiesTomas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #43 February 12, 2002 A blonde and her date drove to Lovers Cove and began making out. The man thought that he might get lucky so he asked her if she wanted to climb into the backseat. "No," she said.The man figured she wasn't ready yet, so he kept kissing her. Things got pretty hot and the man thought he should try again. "No," the blond replied the second time.Before long the blond was topless with her panties still on. "Ddo you want to go to the backseat yet?" the man asked."For the last time no," the blond said.Confused, the man asked, "Well, why not?"The blond looked at him angrily and said, "Because I want to stay up here with you."Nathan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #44 February 12, 2002 What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on top of her head? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nws01 0 #46 February 12, 2002 All you can eat under a dollar! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ShortBus 0 #47 February 13, 2002 a man recives a call shortly after getting home from work its the hospital the doctor says your wife has been in a serious car accident you better get down here right away upon arriving the doctor sits him down and says sir your wife is paralyzed from the neck down from now on youll have to tend to her every needs youll have to clothe her, bathe her,cook for her, clean, everything she cant function anymore the man breaks down and begins to cry the doctor puts his hand on his shoulder and says Im just Fucking with you shes dead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
