Friday Funnies

[hottamaly 1]

> A Few Zen Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously.....
>
> 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
>
> 2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
>
> 3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
>
> 4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
>
> 5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
> spot.
>
> 6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
>
> 7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel
> universe.
>
> 8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
>
> 9. Remember, half the people you know are below
> average.
>
> 10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
>
> 11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
>
> 12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
> mouse gets the cheese.
>
> 13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
>
> 14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some
> people have.
>
> 15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
>
> 16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
> memory.
>
> 17. Change is inevitable, except from vending
> machines.
>
> 18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great
> trade!
>
> 19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
>
> 20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
>
> 21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of
> payments.
>
> 22. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my
> hand...
>
> 23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
>
> 24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
>
> 25. If everything seems to be going well, you have
> obviously overlooked something.
>
> 26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the
> wrong lane.
>
> 27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
> off now.
>
> 28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just
> don't have film.
>
> 29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy
> her friends?
>
> 30. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
> jet engines.
>
> 31. What happens if you get scared half to death
> twice?
>
> 32. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept
> falling out.
>
>
SKYDIVING GAVE ME A REASON TO LIVE....

[kmcguffee 0]

ROFL Thoughts to live by. That's hilarious!!

[kmcguffee 0]

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes
to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No sir . . . he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot . . .you might as well go fishing!'
Ain't that the truth!

• Quote

[BPO 0]

Wow.. real old joke!
But.. still true! ..and still fun Cheers!

[jtval 0]

i bought a box of powdered water. i dont know what to add.
if i could dye my hair any color, i would dye it clear just to freak out those who wanted to touch my bald head!
getting high is fun, but coming down is the best part
JT