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Pammi

On a serious note...

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I was wondering something, after having read Kelly's story, how many of you have thought of or done something that I've considered doing more then once, and probably will now...
Have you guys written a letter or anything of that nature to loved ones that you might leave behind if something ever happened to you while jumping? I have considered it mostly because I want to be sure that everyone knows and understands that if it were to happen, it's okay, and not to be angry at the circumstances. I want my children to know that they are to go on living, and not be angry at me for doing this thing that I just simply HAVE to do...that it's a part of me. I want them to lead their lives by my example, even if I'm not there, and truly live it, not just go through their days scared to take chances that will make it more fullfilling. I want my family, who really do their best to understand but still don't, to know that it was better that it happened while skydiving then the any number of things that CAN happen no matter how careful you are.
Anyway...I just worry sometimes that people I love will be upset with me after I'm gone if I leave earlier then they wanted because of skydiving, which some consider foolish. I tell them now how necessary it is, but I guess I wonder if they should hear it one more time if circumstances like that occurred.
Anyway, a bit morbid, I'm sorry..just thoughts out loud....
Closing pin jewelry

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I told my family that if ever I die Skydiving to never forget that I died happy. The cool thing is I had my first two tandems taped and all my family members who have seen them say it is quite evident how happy I was.
Pammi, you bring up an interesting point, being a parent. My sister told her husband that he better not consider skydiving as he has kids to raise. This makes me wonder, do you folks who have young children struggle with any conflict within yourselves as to whether pursuing skydiving is selfish? I am not judging here at all. I am not a parent so I don't know what skydiving parents deal with.
"I am a victim of my environment."
Chris

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I too talk to them about it and let them talk to me about it. I figure that if anything does happen they'll feel better knowing that they heard it directly from me and that they were able to communicate directly to me. I guess I think it will help them get "closure."
Keith

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Well, if I die skydiving I want everybody to know that I died screaming my freakin head off, scratching and clawing at my container. LOL
Seriously, I do think skydiving is selfish in some ways but, if you quit doing things that you enjoy just because you are married and have kids I don't believe you will be happy. I have a few friends who have made plans to go jump with me and their wives have nixed the idea (man, they paid for admitting that to me!). You have to have balance though. I can't go to the DZ every weekend Saturday and Sunday, I go every other weekend. I try to balance my requirements at work, family, spirituality, and individual needs. I'm not always successful (just ask my wife). Everyone's sense of balance is different, but if you slight one of these areas you will pay the price.
As they say, just my $.02.

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This makes me wonder, do you folks who have young children struggle with any conflict within yourselves as to whether pursuing skydiving is selfish?

I will be a new mommy in 6 months and have now had to consider this. I believe that when it is your time, it is your time, whether it be skydiving, driving a car or crossing the street. However, my sweetie and I are going to play it safer. I won't be dowsizing anymore than I have and my sweetie is packing away his 97 stiletto and sticking to his 120 stiletto. And being that we are at 3500 ft above sea level, the air is certainly NOT forgiving, so his hook turns at this altitude are going to be limited.
But in no way are we about to give up skydiving. Like Pammi said, we want our baby to learn to love life to the fullest. And besides....now we have our very own packer. "You want your allowance? Pack those chutes...and they better open softly!" :D ;)
Tee

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[And besides....now we have our very own packer.]
Oh man!!! And to think, I've been letting the little buggers freeload on me for the past 4 years. It's nice to know they are good for more than that $500 tax break. With my luck I'll have the first total mal caused by a Power Ranger! LOL

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Chris,
It is an issue that causes some internal emotional conflict.
Right now, my wife is 8 months pregnant with our first (beer!) child. I jumped a couple weeks ago. I had thoughts like, "Holy shit. If I burn in, I'll never meet my son/daughter." But then I have thoughts like, "I could just as easily get killed in a car crash, botched robbery, or whatever."
My thoughts on the issue are constantly evolving. We'll see what they are after I've held my child in my arms for the first (beer!) time. I believe I'll tell my wife and child that I love them, then go jump. I'll be as safe as I can in an unsafe activity.
My wife isn't super happy with it, but it is part of who I am. I jumped before we met, and told her I wanted to do it again within hours of meeting her. So she can't say I didn't warn her. :)It is a tough issue all around.
Justin

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Tee, I admire your wisdom. Children should be a priority, so maybe you have to make some sacrifices for them. So if being a little more cautious when skydiving is it, it's a small price to pay. Like any other sport, skydiving has risks. Being a skiier I have seen alot of people seriously injured because they were really pushing their limits, which is fine, but we should consider that there are people in this world who depend on us. I guess when I become a parent, I hope I will maintain balance in my life, but making sure that my child is my number one priority.
"I am a victim of my environment."
Chris

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My children are my first priority no doubt. But in the same token as a parent it is my responsibility to teach them. What better way than living outside of the box and teaching them that it is o.k. for them to take some risks in their lives. Granted that I am probably overcautious in my jumping, but if I were to meet my demise in this way my kids know that I did so engaging in something that I really loved. I have taught both of my kids to pack and thusly they no longer feel as though they on the outside looking in . People only fear what they do not understand.
It only takes a little pixie dust......

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Yo Tee... Congrats on the baby on the way!
I know of a mother that jumped up till like month 5 of the pregnancy and the little one can pick out her mommies canopy as soon as it opens. Jumping with a Child is'nt a problem as long as you take responcibility for the situation.
Cause I don't wanna come back down from this cloud... ~ Bush

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And besides....now we have our very own packer. "You want your allowance? Pack those chutes...and they better open softly!"


ROFL! Yeah, we've definately thought of that. Here's the deal though...they both want to try skydiving! I've reconciled with myself over the last couple of years my skydiving and being a parent, now I have to hold my breath, close my eyes and pray when they decide to try it! To top it off, now they'll want a car AND a rig one day soon! ARGH!
Closing pin jewelry

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KMC, you make a good point also in balance. I get bored silly spending an entire day at a Tae Kwon Do tournement while waiting for the kids to do their part, but they get bored watching skydiving now, and waiting around with us for a load. We try to mix it up a little with stuff for them, stuff for us and sometimes just having a quiet weekend now and then (IE: 'relative work')
I agree with Tee too, that I probably will always be a little more cautious then someone without children might be because I can't, in good conscience, be as daring as I would otherwise. That's okay though, I still get to jump :)
Closing pin jewelry

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Yeah it is really cool when little kiddos at the dz can tell you their mom or dad under canopy. One kid saw his dad cutaway...I was like, "Who cutaway?" and he said, "That was my dad!" Wasn't upset either. Pretty darn cool.
I hope I am correct in believing my family understands why I jump and that I am as careful as I can be. They went through the "terrible TEENS" with me so they were probably worried about me dying from a drug overdose or a car accident and now that the worst thing I do is skydive, they rest assured. I hope anyway. I was in a car accident on Monday, the first time in years, and it was very scary. I am going to court over it, they are suing me. Makes you really appreciate life, you know? I was just glad no one got hurt...they are out looking for money. GRRRRR When my family found out I was in an accident, they knew more than ever before, how anything can kill you, not just skydiving. Also that money isn't as important as life...
A point I am trying to make is that I have tried to verbally and personally express my feelings to my family while I am alive. I think a letter is a nice gesture, it just isn't for me. Everyone is different though, and if you think it is the right thing to do, then by all means do it. You are a wonderful mom, Pammi, and your kids adore you. I know Merrick understands your passion for jumping since he does it too...
It is more than honorable that you want to be there for your family and don't want to be selfish about your "fun" at the expense of the kiddos and family. I think you have always worried about it, and that is OK. That's better than having a "who cares" attitude! I think you can integrate skydiving and family life though, and if you do it properly, no one will question your priorities.
OK long winded enough? Sorry guys. Haven't talked to Pammi in awhile and this thread made me sentimental. She is a great lady. :)Hugs,
Sis
Fear not your death - fear having not really lived. Willie Sinsel, KS.

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Granted that I am probably overcautious in my jumping

Which is what I've always been, precisely because I have a child. I started jumping when he was 6, and as a single parent (the sperm donor has never been involved in my son's life in any way) I had to think about this issue long and hard. Some people will call it selfish, but I never considered NOT jumping just because I'm a parent. What I did was make an effort to be extra safe and I've never jumped as hard as I really want to. My kid is 18 now and in a couple of months he'll be out of high school and going off on his own; while not being responsible for him won't really change how I skydive, it will change how much I skydive.
And getting back to Pammi's original post.... my family knows how much skydiving means to me; I've talked to my son and my mom about it repeatedly. They know what I want done if something happens to me and they've said that they understand I'd rather die doing this than in a car wreck or any of the other thousands of ways I could die...
pull and flare,
lisa
--
What would Scooby Doo?

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Nice post, Pamela....
I didn't see Kelly's post.......I keep such a letter in my house, and my cousin knows where it is in the event of my death. My skydiving has been a source of immense consternation with my family......they don't get it, they don't want to think about it, they don't want to hear it, they don't want to talk about it. I think my sister is the only one that may have a small inkling of how jumping makes me feel, but the others in my family think I have an extremely active death wish. In my letter, I try to tell them how much their fears concerned me, and I didn't take their fears lightly, and I'm sorry that it caused tension between us, but jumping is a small piece of my core now, and it's going to be there forever. I'm single, so I won't be hurting anyone financially if I have a problem and burn in (unless Clay's auto is nearby !). I can't even imagine how nerve-wracking a decision to jump must be to those of you with young children..........
Don

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I don't find it nerve wracking at all.....I think that in order for me to skydive I have the understanding that when my number is up, it's up. Doesn't matter what one is doing. My kids are great about it and it's rather a novelty in their peer groups. Like wow! Your Mom jumps? I will admit however, that being a person that trains elite athletes in several disciplines, their reaction is much the same....LOL just remember NASCAR has nothing on us...we can do 120mph with just a helmet!
It only takes a little pixie dust......

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Have you guys written a letter or anything of that nature to loved ones that you might leave behind if something ever happened to you while jumping?

Wow, synchronicity. This very thought popped into my head for the first time in the last few days. I don't know where it came from, but it just feels like something I ought to do. I know my jumping scares my parents, but I don't know if they know how much I love it.

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I can't even imagine how nerve-wracking a decision to jump must be to those of you with young children..........

Thanks Don. It was, yes, and still is sometimes. I seriously rethought it and almost became a born-again-whuffo after the deal at Quincy when someone came looking for me to tell me Merrick was hurt. I knew, somehow, when the ambulance left that it was for him, but tried to tell myself not to think that way. Then when she paused after finding me and lowered her head, I thought I was about to be told he was dead. Scared the holy hell outta me and I about quit and begged Merrick to also then and there.
Then witnessing for the first time a friend get seriously hurt last fall, again, I thought "Oh my gawd, what am I doing?!"
Once the situation is over, emotions have calmed, I spend time thinking about it again. Talking about it with Merrick really helps. And even if I chose not to do it anymore one day, I'll never ask him not to because I know personally what it is and means to him.
Then I saw my mom, about a year and a half ago, nearly die from a stroke that tore arteries all over. Out of the clear blue. No warning, no idea, and she is the most careful person I know. I heard about a skydiver towards when I first started that I'd met only once, who was a crazy SOB :)My only real, true fear that I worry about frequently is that my children will have to go live with their father in PA if something were to happen to me, taking THEM away from Merrick, unless somehow, someway, he understands and lets them stay. It would be even more painful for Merrick in that case, and my family who are all around here. I have spoken to lawyers, and done everything I can to try to voice my wants for them should something happen. THAT is a tough one.
*shrug* All we can do is live and pray I guess. :)
Closing pin jewelry

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(the sperm donor has never been involved in my son's life in any way)


Excuse me Lisa but this phrase cracked me up. My sister always refers to her husband as the "sperm donor" when she gets pissed at him. Owning his own business, he works long hours so his time with his kids is limited. Don't get me wrong, they have a great marriage, but with 4 little kids you can imagine the frustration my sister must feel when more of the burden will fall on her.
"I am a victim of my environment."
Chris

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BTW Tee....where is the post "I'm pregnant"?! :)

:D It's coming!
Good thing I have all of you ...definitely reassuring in my decision to continue to jump. I have been lucky because my sweetie is also a skydiver and my dad has been a pilot for as long as I can remember, so all of my family respects my decision. My parents come out to the dz to party a few times a year and, even though they don't jump, they have grown to understand why I love it so much. A few of my non-jumping friends are another story.....:)Thanks guys for your congrats!
Tee

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