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kmcguffee

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH

By kmcguffee, in The Bonfire

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kmcguffee    0

kmcguffee
1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2.) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer .
5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear .
7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
12.) Crying is blackmail.
13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it.
14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.
15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty , would look good with your dress?
17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
18. ) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22.) Check your oil.
23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry , we meant the other one.
27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
30.) If it itches, it will be scratched.
31.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.


Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!
Not actually written by me but I thought it was hilarious.

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skycat    0

skycat
Quote

1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2.) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color
3.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer .
5.) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
6.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear .
7.) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or the shotgun formation.
8.) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
9.) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
11.) You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
12.) Crying is blackmail.
13.) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it.
14.) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries on the calendar.
15.) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
16.) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty , would look good with your dress?
17.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
18. ) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
19.) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
21.) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.
22.) Check your oil.
23.) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
24.) No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
25.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
26.) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry , we meant the other one.
27.) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
28.) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
29.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
30.) If it itches, it will be scratched.
31.) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.


1) Put both lids down please the dog really doesn't need the extra water bowl.
2) Don't worry...I know that, and they is why I dress you when we go anywhere but the DZ
3) When I dress like a Victoria's Secret girl you better not roll over and go to sleep.
4) I know I'm not fat
5) Jump tickets is fine
6) Fair enough
7) Don't worry, I'm just making sure you aren't thinking about some other women
8) Sunday's are for Skydiving
9) Let us think shopping is a sport and we will let you keep thinking beer drinking is a sport
10) I know I'm just checking if what I picked out makes you drool or not.
11) Stay out of my closet and I won't thow away that T-shirt you still have from High School.
12) Yeah I know....And it works so well *evilgrin*
13) Fair enough
14) Don't worry I'll call/email you and remind you
15) Well then you can scrub the bathroom floor for once
16) That is why we have best friends and why she comes over ever few days.
17) No
18) Works for me.....another reason said best friend keeps coming over
19) Ok but don't come whining to me after you had a hard opening
20) Or just dump the cause of said headache
21) Foreign films usually have more nudity
22) I even know how to change my oil....I know shocking
23) Don't worry I don't even buy the mag
24) see above
25) Ok but that one goes both ways
26) You know that won't happen in a million years
27) Ok, but just don't drool, I hate having to clean up after you
28) As long as you do it I don't care
29) Ok, but don't change the channel every 30 seconds or I'm hiding the remote
30) Just don't do it in front of Mom
31) Don't worry I have absolutely no problem telling you what you did wrong

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kmcguffee    0

kmcguffee
No, I've never jumped there. Alot of my friends have. There seems to be a soap opera going on between the owner and a few of the employs. I try to stay away from it. I jump at Central Ark Para Center in Hazen, AR along with about four other guys. It's on a little crop duster field between Little Rock and Memphis.

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SpeedRacer    1

SpeedRacer
Why Men Are Glad They Are Men
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
They know stuff about military tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
They can open all their own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob them blind.
They can go to the bathroom without a support group.
They don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
They don't give a shit if no one notices their new haircut.
They can leave the motel bed unmade.
They can kill their own food.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite them to something, they can still be friends.
Their underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If they are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on their face stays its original color.
They can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
They don't have to clean their apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell them the truth.
They can quietly watch a game with their buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: 75 bucks.
They don't mooch off other's desserts.
They can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, they just might become lifelong friends.
Their pals can be trusted never to trap them with "So, notice anything different?"
They are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
They don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
They almost never have strap problems in public.
They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
They don't have to shave below their neck.
A few belches are tolerated, even expected.
Their belly usually hides their big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
They can "do" their nails with a pocketknife.
They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
All of their orgasms are real.

Speed Racer
"Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!"

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Beachbum    0

Beachbum
and if you reply "if you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you" ... don't blame us for looking confused ... we wouldn't be asking if we knew ...
Quote

I even know how to change my oil...

hmmm ... are you married yet?? Seems most women think a dipstick is one of those guys ya'll talk about in the bathroom and NEVER sleep with ... LOL

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skycat    0

skycat
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are you married yet??


been there done that, burned the wedding dress......
Actually my Dad taught me how to change the oil...his rules for getting a drivers license were being able to change the oil and a tire. Both have come in quite handy.

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skybytch    273

skybytch
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Both have come in quite handy.

Yup, me too. While some may have thought me weird for working at my dad's gas station for ten years, that job provided me with the skills needed to change oil, tires, tranny fluid, spark plugs, wires, filters, radiator, fuel pump, and the knowledge to keep me from ever getting ripped off by an unscrupulous mechanic.... and I can clean a windshield spotless with the most thrashed squeegee you've ever seen.
That said, my best friends while driving today are a cell phone and a Triple A card; while I can do all of the above, I can't stand getting grease under my fingernails anymore...
pull and flare,
lisa
--
What would Scooby Doo?

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