Pet Monkey

[Slappie 9]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats
them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,
sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it
whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in
sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He
finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then
leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the
bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his
butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures
everything first."
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[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Nice one Slappie - fortunatly that isn't one of my habits !!
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor

[scottbre 0]

Sometimes you don't want to admit that you laughed at something...
... so I'm not going to. 20 million bathtubs can't be wrong. . .

[ChromeBoy 0]

There is a video somewhere on this internet thing that Al Gore invented where a monkey was in a tree, stuck his finger up his ass, brought it around and smelled it, and fell out of the tree. It is gross, but funny.
Kachink,
ChromeBoy
-Mirage G3 Unisyn-

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Quote

internet thing that Al Gore invented

I thought I did it No, hold on, that was rusty wooden spoons
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor

[billvon 3,109]

A guy walks into a bar and claims to be a wine connoiseur. "I can tell where any wine in the world is from," he says. "From the Bordeaux valley to the Napa vineyards, I've been everywhere and tasted everything."
The bartender looks at him doubtfully. "You don't believe it?" the guys says. "Get me a glass of wine. If I can tell what brand it is, you pay for it, otherwise I will." The bartender goes off and gets him a glass of wine, and the guy takes a sip.
"Ah, a Merlot, one of Ravenswood's, I believe. A blend, 98 or 99."
The bartender looks amazed. "The guy's right, it's a 99!"
Someone else buys him a glass of wine. He sips and makes a face. "a Mondavi Chardonnay. Not a very good year, and not my favorite wine, either." The customer is astonished and pays for his glass of wine.
This continues for a while, with the guy identifying every glass and acting very superior about it. Finally the bartender comes in from outside and hands him a glass. He sips it and spits it out.
"Hey! This is urine! What the hell . . ."
"Yeah, but whose?" the bartender asks.
-bill von

[freefallfreak 0]

Ohhhh, somebody spank that monkey...lol.
TripleF
"If you have something vital and it's sincere, you can communicate." Butch Trucks