Insurance claims !!!

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes. These are NEW (mostly)
and
are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas
mag.....

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I
thought."

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I
realised the car was on fire so took my dog out and smothered it with
a
blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and
answers
on
the claim form were:

Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party? A Moo

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the
pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked
her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other
pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran
into the rear of second car."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my
head through it".

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face".

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home.
As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision
and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the
pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of
the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced
off the roof of my car"

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth"

I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows."
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[crazymel 0]

Bwaaahhaaaaahhhhhaaaahhhhaaa!!! Breath!! Bwaaahhhaaaahhahhahaha. I laughed so much tears rolled down my face!!!!
Life is for the LIVING!!!!!

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Does that entitle me to a discount then ??
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[n2skdvn 0]

how bout this one my ins. company.......
we have the police repors of your accident
the owner of the car called in to say his car was involved in an accident but he said it was a one car accident(what about the tractor trailer and my truck) so my ins company tells me they
have to get ahold of the occupants to get their side of the story(me and the other car have the same ins company)
i tell them they have the police report but they say they have to find out what their story is!!! try and figure that one out!!!
the ins co has the offical report but dont believe it so they have to do their own detective work!!!!!! what idiots!!!
if ya can't dodge it RAM IT !!!!!!
click me

[wildblue 7]

Quote

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

Bwwaaahah! C'mon pansie! You have to be able to handle those distractions!
There's a vacant sign that's hanging high
But at least you're not alone

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Isn't that the reason why bikers all wear leathers??!!
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[QuickDraw 0]

Quote

Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party? A Moo

LMAO
..Billions of people living out their lives..Oblivious..

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Maybe that one was Skreamer's - "I had the horn and he moo'd as he tried to get away !!!" j/k
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[QuickDraw 0]

Yeah, i thought about starting a thread along the line's of:
"Should Sheep Be Allowed To Adopt Children"
I would have waited for the expected lack of post's from "certain" people and then pounced.
..Billions of people living out their lives..Oblivious..

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

hehehehe
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[crazymel 0]

Talk to Scratch - he negotiates my rates!
Life is for the LIVING!!!!!

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Don't you get any free time to yourself?
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[PhillyKev 0]

Need definitions....what the hell do these words mean? Can someone translate to proper (ie. American) English?
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an
elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose
concentration and hit a bollard."
What's a verge and a bollard? This is like reading a madlib.
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the
pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
Pillion?
========================
Oh, and here's a real world one for you. Some old lady fell asleep at the wheel, went a couple hundred yards through trees and grass to slam into our house. My mom called the insurance company and they asked her, "Who's fault do you think it was?" My mom replied, "I'm not sure, but I don't think the house jumped in front of the car."
cielos azules y cerveza fría
-Kevin

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Pillion - motorbike passenger
verge - area next to road
bollard - traffic cone
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver

[QuickDraw 0]

Verge = grassy area which lie's adjacent to the pavement (sidewalk)
Bollard = A concrete/metal post or pillar usually to stop traffic
..Billions of people living out their lives..Oblivious..

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

At least you didn't ask what testicles were !! j/k
I'm not crazy - I'm a Skydiver