mountainman 0 #1 April 13, 2002 Hope you can enjoy something here. Cowboy name generator--------------------Great commercial---------------------------OldVersion.com - get old versions of LOTS of freeware.--------------------Every time an Indian walks into the Chief's Teepee he sees that the Chief is masturbating. The Tribe finally realizes this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his Teepee. One day, one of the Indians walks into to Chief's Teepee and there's the Chief masturbating again! He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fixed you up with a beautiful woman for sex!" The Chief says, "Her arm get tired...." ------- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. ------- When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink. "Why is that," the host asked? Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!" ------ Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week." "What happened." Says her intrigued friend. "I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the last little piece of it out with dental floss." ------- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy Refrigerator. -------- Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound. He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in. They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it. One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a Goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed. About that time, an old hayseed Farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a Goat. One man told the Farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his Goat. The old farmer said naw, that can't be my goat... He was chained to a railroad tie. ------- A Union Shop Steward is addressing a Union Meeting... "Good News! We have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week." "Hooray!", goes the crowd. "We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM." "Hooray!", goes the crowd, again. "We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM." "Hooray!" "We have a 150% pay rise." "Hooray!" "We will only work on Wednesdays." Silence. Then a voice from the back asks, "Every Wednesday?" -------- Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence. Little Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'. ------- If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog. If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog. If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog. If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog. If you want someone who's always eager to go out anytime you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog. If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog. If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog. If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog! On the other hand... If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy... V V V V V V V Get a CAT!JumpinDuo.com...come and sign the guestbook. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
