Airline Announcements

[wndrer73 0]

This has been going around in the emails... my apologies if you guys have already seen it:
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to
leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I
am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit
cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight
pattern."
3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
Whoa!"
5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt
and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be
out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming,
grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If
you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you
love more."
7. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest
Airlines."
8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of
an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."
11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to
have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight."
12. This was overheard on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the
final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an
extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and
announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis
what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
13. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."
14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy
which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
passengers exited, smile, and give them a, "Thanks for flying XYZ
airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard
time
looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a
smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this
little
old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, did we land or were
we
shot down?"
15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight
attendant got on the PA and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain
in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire
smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the
door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
16. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like
to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
------
And this next one is something that I heard once on a Southwest Airlines flight from Orange County to San Jose, just after take-off (if you've ever flown out of Orange County, CA, you know what those take-off's are like!):
"Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who've never been in space, we have a special demonstration here for you: What 0-gravity feels like!"
Ahhh, those wacky wascals at Southwest!!!
"Welcome to the sky!" -- My video/photographer, after my second tandem jump

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Yeah, we had this a while ago. Still funny though !!!
When you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get.

[mountainman 0]

So, does SouthWest have some sort of reputation for saying weird stuff like that over the PA?
JumpinDuo.com...come and sign the guestbook.

[bbarnhouse 0]

Southwest is the "LUV" airline and part of their mission is to have fun. Read their mission statement on their website.
Cheers!
It only takes a little pixie dust......

[mountainman 0]

"LUV" airline?
JumpinDuo.com...come and sign the guestbook.

[wingnut 0]

isn't sw air the company that paints it's planes with a nice paint job of diffrent states and stuff????

"i may not go to heven, i hope you go to hell"-C.C.

[FallRate 0]

A good friend of mine was flying from had just landed in Phoenix and the Jet was taxiing for a very long time when a Stewardess came over the PA and said, "This is why Southwest can afford to give such great rates. We fly you half way, and drive you the rest." Quite funny.
FallRate

[FallRate 0]

He was flying from San Diego...it won't let me edit.
FallRate

[Michele 1]

Quote

isn't sw air the company that paints it's planes with a nice paint job of diffrent states and stuff????

Dunno about different states, but I do know SWA has a plane which is painted like Shamu....737, I believe...and it looks great taking off and landing (I live near the Burbank airport).
Cool idea.
Ciels and Pinks....
If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away...
~enya~

[PhillyKev 0]

Two things I heard the captain say during a flight to San Juan....
Halfway through the trip he announced the flight will be lengthened because, "There are storms ahead and we need to divert around them and go through the Bermuda Triangle".
Then as we're landing in dense fog at San Juan, I'm looking out the window at pure white fog, the clouds break, there's a highway directly below us, he guns it and takes back off into the pattern.
"Sorry folks, we're going to try another approach. We're the first plane in since the fog settled and they were using us as guinnea pigs to find the best approach."
Note to any commerical pilots out there...don't call passengers guinnea pigs...very unsettling.
cielos azules y cerveza fría
-Kevin

[Remster 30]

Stil remember an old SWA commercial...
went something like this: cute stewardess saying "at swa we dont have meal, or drink, or in flight entertainement, but one thing we do have"
and the camera pans out showing a full picture of the girl,

"is hotpants" LOL
Remster
Muff 914

[bbarnhouse 0]

Oh yeah great paint jobs on SW.
And they are adding some new aircraft.......changing the color scheme so now you will have all leather seating. The sky and the desert on the exterior. I say good for them making it a more enjoyable ride.
P.S. "LUV" is the NYSE ticker for SW :).....
* yeah she has a portfolio....imagine that!
It only takes a little pixie dust......

[wndrer73 0]

Quote

Dunno about different states, but I do know SWA has a plane which is painted like Shamu

Yeah I've seen that one many times at San Jose airport too... looks pretty good when landing with the mountains in the back!
Anyway, I think the one with the different stats paint job on some of the planes.... is...... uhhhh............ (i forgot now.. gimme a minute...) uhhhh..... (insert passing of one minute here) oh yeah! It's America West.
"Welcome to the sky!" -- My video/photographer, after my second tandem jump

[bbarnhouse 0]

SW actually has several different murals on their planes.
(There are actually 3 of the shamu planes) and that particular aircraft is 7 times longer and weighs 27 times more than its namesake.
Spirit One is the 30th aniv. plane, Arizona One has a blue nose with tan and yellow on the tail, California One is mainly white with the California grizzly bear on the cabin and the traditional tail, Lone Star One is Red,white and blue with one very large white star,Nevada One is navy with a white star, it also has yellow flowers and a yellow ribbon that says "Battle born", Silver One is completely silver with the exception of the tail which has the traditional SW marking and the Triple Crown-Navy/Red with a red heart that has a number 1 in the center.
:)
It only takes a little pixie dust......

[AggieDave 6]

Only one man would dare jam me! Lone Star!
A human cannonball, I rise above it all
Up higher then a trapieze, I can fly

[Craig 0]

You can go to http://www.airliners.net (very cool site if your into aircraft) and choose "Southwest" in the drop down "Airline" box and click through the pages and you will come up on some of the special paint schemes. I was going to post some links to them but there just too damn long. As a side note I was able to find some jumpships there as well from several dropzones.

[diverdriver 7]

Quote

Note to any commerical pilots out there...don't call passengers guinnea pigs...very unsettling.

[wringing hands/evil grin]Bwwwahahhahahahaaa.......bwwaaahhhahahahhah.....BWAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!![/wringing hands/evil grin]

[bbarnhouse 0]

LOL.......
ok how about......test subjects?
LMAO...bwaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
It only takes a little pixie dust......

[wndrer73 0]

Quote

Only one man would dare jam me! Lone Star!

You fools! These aren't them! You've captured their STUNT DOUBLES!!!
"Welcome to the sky!" -- My video/photographer, after my second tandem jump

[AggieDave 6]

Have you found anything yet?
We aint found shit!
We must go to ludricris speed!

Damn, I love that movie.
A human cannonball, I rise above it all
Up higher then a trapieze, I can fly