Keys To Understanding Engineers

[Zennie 0]

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a pparticularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! “The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.” [dramatic pause] “Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”The greenskeeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, “I like both.” “Both?” Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”
Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frogout of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess,that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
"Zero Tolerance: the politically correct term for zero thought, zero common sense."

[AggieDave 6]

Do you know the difference between an extrovert engineer and an introvert?
The extrovert looks at YOUR shoes when he talks to you...
A human cannonball, I rise above it all
Up higher then a trapeze, I can fly

[rgoper 0]

Zenmeister:
very good, but it's the industry standard engineer joke, but although it's not as big in text, ive added an attachement that is going around my bunch of P.E.'s right now, see if you can figure out the "angle of the dangle" on this one! cheers!
Richard
"Gravity Is My Friend"

[FallingILweenie 0]

(In a Homer voice)
"It's true, it's true...we're so lame!!"
"Marge, it takes 2 people to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
-Homer

[skymama 37]

LMAO!
I have to bump this. I hope weid14 sees it.
Andrea
I'm high as a kite
I just might
Stop and check you out.