Snowbird 0 #1 June 11, 2002 This came my way today, and I have to spread it around. ***Thanks to the Washington Post, which asked its readers to compose a very, very unwise first line to a college application. ...Fourth Runner-Up: When I told my friends I was applying to Lehigh, they were, like, no way, and I was, like, yes way. And they were, like, way cool. And I was, like... Third Runner-Up: My mother has probably already written to you, spreading her lies . . .First Runner-Up: Four years of fees at your institution comes to about $78,000; you just bill my father and mail me half the money. He'll never find out. Trust me, this deal is sweeeeeet.And the Winner:My plan for college is: S - start with the basicsC - comprehensive approachH - Help fellow manO - Organize knowledgeL - Leisure timeE - Eat properlyR - Respect for diversityHonorable Mentions:Most people don't realize that there actually is more than one way to skin a cat...First off, coach said there wasn't going to be no writing...If I have accidentally sealed this envelope with cash inside, well, finder's keepers!I'm 49, newly divorced, eager to start a new life and new career, and teach that son-of-a...I'm grounded until I complete this application. So here goes...Because my girlfriend is applying to your school (actually, she is not really my girlfriend yet, since I have not spoken to her, but I know everything she does) I have decided...To demonstrate my love for your school, I have spray-painted your logo on my town's water tower.Dear Harvard: I am six foot seven and I way 285 pounds and I'll knock any linebacker gets in my way right on his ass if you let me in.I study the English since two annuals, so can right the many pages insuing with no difficult.College is probably the last place they'll look for me, so...Stardate 590217. Dear Starfleet Academy...Dear Morty: I am sending you this e-mail while taking a break from filling out State U's online application form, which was obviously designed by idiots...I was born on a dark and stormy night after my mom was in labor for 25 hours and she bled all over and she looked like raw meat or some huge gaping wound like on a battlefield from a cannonball where you see all the severed tubes sticking out and...When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to write some impressive sounding crap that you pompous fatheads probably won't even read past the first few words...Attending your fine institution would give me the opportunity to mix socially with such diverse groups as homosexuals, African-Americans, Jews, and others not normally encountered in respectable society.To Admissions Committee, Bob Jones University: People are always asking me, "Hey, LaKeisha, why are you such a devoted Wiccan?" and I say...Out stand application my make to something do should I that know I. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
