Muenkel 0 #1 June 21, 2002 This is an actual headline in my local newspaper today:"Endeavor returns to Earth with Astronauts"A couple thoughts ran through my head: 1. Isn't it assumed that if the "Endeavour returned" it returned to Earth.2. Isn't it also assumed that the astronauts were on board or is it possible they could have missed their flight.Here's where you come in Jess, in journalism, don't they teach you to make the headline precise and to the point? Wouldn't it have been effective if it just read: "Endeavour returns"?"JANE, HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING?"Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #2 June 21, 2002 Yes, but that would have left a lot of empty space. Give me the first two "grafs" (j-speak for "paragraphs") of the story, and I'll rewrite it like the headline-writing badass genius I am.God I'm bored. It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #3 June 21, 2002 QuoteGive me the first two "grafs" (j-speak for "paragraphs") of the story, and I'll rewrite it like the headline-writing badass genius I am.You're giving me a homework assignment?"JANE, HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING?"Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #4 June 21, 2002 Hey, I'm not gonna trash someone else's work until I see what they had to work with. It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #5 June 21, 2002 Also, it should be pointed out that most of the time, writers don't write their own headlines.Wackey huh?quadehttp://futurecam.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #6 June 21, 2002 QuoteAlso, it should be pointed out that most of the time, writers don't write their own headlines.If they did, I'd be out of a job, and newspapers would be a lot funnier.It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #7 June 21, 2002 OK, here it is...but only because I am trying to win friends and influence people.EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. - The three men who spent six months on the international space station came home Wednesday aboard space shuttle Endeavour, which set down in the Mojave Desert after three straight days of bad weather in Florida.The shuttle swooped out of a blue desert sky, heralded by twin sonic booms that rattled the Los Angeles metropolitan area.That's the first two paragraphs. Do your magic and I don't want an influence from the Vicodin."JANE, HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING?"Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #8 June 21, 2002 QuoteAlso, it should be pointed out that most of the time, writers don't write their own headlines.But doesn't the editor have final approval?"JANE, HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING?"Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #9 June 21, 2002 Man, what a crappy lead!quadehttp://futurecam.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #10 June 21, 2002 Okay...I'll work with the same count the original writer had, which means I need to roughly line up with this: "Endeavor returns to Earth with Astronauts"Well, the fact that Endeavor did the shuttling is fairly insignificant -- the news is that guys who were hanging out in space for half a year are back on the planet.I'd probably go with something like:"Space station residents shuttled home"But since I'm not being paid for this, I'm not going to try too hard. It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #11 June 21, 2002 How about . . ."Record setting astronaunts return home"quadehttp://futurecam.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #12 June 21, 2002 You see, now that is a much better headline. The story certainly was newsworthy, but come on...we assume the shuttle came back to Earth and not Mars and we also assume there were astronauts aboard! Now if there were no astronauts aboard and the shuttle returned, that would make for much more interesting copy."JANE, HOW DO YOU STOP THIS CRAZY THING?"Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #13 June 21, 2002 Quote"Record setting astronaunts return home"Nice! Did they set a record? If so, that's really good. Except we need a hyphen there between "record" and "setting." It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #14 June 21, 2002 Yes, they set a record for U.S. endurance.You leave my non-hyphenates alone and I promise not to touch your serial commas!quadehttp://futurecam.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jessica 0 #15 June 21, 2002 QuoteI promise not to touch your serial commas!*sensing pending ugliness, taking this to PMs immediately*It's the Vicodin™ talking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #16 June 21, 2002 (chuckle)quadehttp://futurecam.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #17 June 21, 2002 I think it's funny that the Russian with the record for the longest stay in outer space only has it because he got stranded on the Mir when the Soviet Union collapsed and everyone was too busy to pick him up to bring him home. That's way worse than your Mom forgetting to pick you up at the mall!!cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scottbre 0 #18 June 21, 2002 Quote"Space station residents shuttled home"andQuote"Record setting astronaunts return home"How about:"Astronauts Earn Overtime Pay for Rain Delay"Hehe. The 4th paperclip didn't say much, but I could tell that it was still the smartass of the bunch... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #19 June 21, 2002 This why I don't do your job (besides the fact that I can't spell for shit and never know where to put commas,)I would have come up with something more attention grabbing like "Sonic booms rattle nerves in LA"or"Space men land on Earth"or maybe even"Heroic shuttle pilot lands safely without power"Warning: sunshine is a kleptomaniac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
