Friday funnies

[nigel99 605]

Embarrassing Moments

A radio station in the Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to
find the most embarrassing moments in listeners lives. The following are
the final four place getters:

4th place
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now,
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!".
The silence was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that
I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."

3rd place
"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss
the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom
of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people
yelled "surprise". My entire family, ... aunts, uncles, grandparents,
cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I
were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what
seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a
surprise party again."

2nd place
"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public
address system and boomed out for all the store to hear. "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE 13. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the
rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
"Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
public address system: DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH HAMMER?"

AND THE WINNER IS!
This one happened at a major Australian University in October last year.
In a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen. A young female freshman, raised her hand and asked, "If
I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male
semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on
to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked,
"Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole
class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she
realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied),
she picked up her books, and without a word walked out of the class, and
never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the
professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her
question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness
are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[scottbre 0]

These would be funnier if they were true.

"Your mother's full of stupidjuice!"
My Art Project

[kingbunky 3]

i was waiting for the snopes link (it's blocked at work). they're still funny though!

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001