Engineer Jokes

[bmcd308 0]

> Understanding Engineers - Take One
> Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
> did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
> walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode
> up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes
> and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly,
> 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Two
> To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half
> empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Three
> a pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
> guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
> don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
> here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George!
Say,
> what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
> greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They
> lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
> let
> them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.
> The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
> them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
> ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
> The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Four
> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
> Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Five
> The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
> with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
> Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts
> degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Six
> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
> designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer."
Just
> look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
> The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. " The
last
> one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
> waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
> "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
> believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
> better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
> enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
> relationship. The
> artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and
> mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." Both?" Engineer:
> "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are
> spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some
> work done."
>
>
> Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
> An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
> said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
> picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
> said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
> stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
> smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you
> kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING
> you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it
> back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
> told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week
> and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look,
> I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now
> that's cool."
>

[drenaline 0]

ROFLMAO!

Thanks for the laugh.

HISPA 21
www.panamafreefall.com

[billvon 3,090]

>Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
> was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

A variation on this:

A workaholic engineer comes home very late one night. His wife is waiting up for him, a furious expression on her face.

"I have to come clean," he says. "I'm late because I've been seeing this other woman and . . ."

"Don't give me that old excuse!" she snaps. "You were in the lab again, weren't you?"

[Sebazz1 2]

Understanding Engineers ..........

A mechanical, electrical, fluid mechanics, and compuetr engineer are all driving down the road in a car when all of a sudden it stops.

The mechanical engineer "there is something wrong with the engine lets pop the hood and take a look"

The electrical engineer "No no there is something worng with the electrical system I will find th eproblem"

The fluid mechanics engineer " You two are both off there is something wrong with the fuel mixture I will fix it"

The three engineers looked at the computer engineer and asked "what do yuo think the problem is?"

The computer engineer responded " I don't know lets shut it off get out then get back in and turn it on again..........."

[smooth 0]

I enjoyed those. Thanks for sharing!!

[flyhi 24]

How can you tell an outgoing engineer?

He looks at your shoes when he talks to you, not his.

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[moodyskydiver 0]

Quote

> I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now
> that's cool."

This could easily be said for skydivers too!
LOL

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[Remster 30]

before going to school, I didn't even know what's an enganir... now I are one.

Remster

[Scratch 0]

What is the difference between an engineer and a technician.

An engineer washes his hands after going to the toilet.
A technician washes his hand before going to the toilet.

[fonz 0]

That was SO funny

Thanks for posting it!

And five hundred entirely naked women dropped out of the sky on parachutes.
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

[billvon 3,090]

A contractor, an engineer, and a mathematician are trying to help out a farmer. The farmer wants to pen his bull with the minimum possible amount of fencing.

"I would go down to the builder's supply, get the shortest sections of chainlink fence I could that would still fit the bull, then build a rectangular pen around it," says the contractor.

"I would measure the bull, then create a drawing for construction of a fence that minimized the wasted space," says the engineer. "That way you don't have to waste space using standard fence lengths."

The mathematician thinks for a second, grabs an old piece of fence, wraps it around himself, and says "I declare myself to be outside."

[PLFKING 4]

You did hear the one about the constipated mathmatician, right ?

He worked his problem out with a pencil.

(yeah, yeah....I know it's old, but so am I...)


Don

[hobbes4star 0]

lol.... that is just wrong ok.

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[Jayboz 0]

Ahhh, the story of my life

http://www.thelissners.com/PICS/COMEDYPCIS/TheNack.wav