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Alienangel

Poetry to try and explain to whuffo faggots.

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I was asked today as I walked, carefully and gingerly, why I jump if I keep coming back with broken body parts (yeh well, my 84 Extreme doesn't mix too well with a gram of charlie and a bottle of JD, but if it aint dangerous it aint fun, right?) Anyway, this is my answer.



Away from my wife and fondling my ego
I seek the DZ, like a piss-ant, crawling –
Stepping away, stepping out
I pretend to make an art of falling.

My hangover recedes as the plane
Blends into the day
I am free to belch and burn altitude;
I am free to hopefully play away…

To slyly touch an AFF student’s tits -
To slide secretly my sweaty hand;
To feel the fleeting fullness of my boner.
Only another ego-driven perv could understand.

The silent majesty [ok it’s not very big but fuck it, it’s artistic license!]of my hidden member
Grows below, urges gently
In my mind to Look!
Nubile sky babes everywhere! - and I’m sure they all want ME!

To stumble through the day
Til I can reach out for another scotch
To quell my raging boozer’s headache –
And turn my attention to my crotch.

Cradled in its hugeness,
My ego - unbelievable to normal man
Becomes my sanctuary
Can I shag that babe? You know, I think I can…

Through belches (I have hideous wind)
I dance, solitary, singular.
Huh. The bitches don’t seem to get it!
I’m a skygod, dammit! Can’t they see that far!

I jump to look cool, to pull chicks.
To try and get a fricken’ screw!
I jump my sub 100 and I hook it! –
But once more, I’m left alone, having a wank in the loo..>:(

My cock may look small while you're holding it in your hands; it is, so what, I’m a skygod and that’s what counts! Fuck you all!

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Now THIS is offensive!

Will someone puh-leaze call the moderator. I object to this personally-- I am a homo gimp skydiver, NOT a whuffo! I have tasted the sweet nectar of life speeding to earth at 110+ mph and I am whuffo-no-mo'. How DARE he compare perfectly respectable faggots with those pathetic, pond-scum-sucking, low-life, ignorant loser whuffos!!!

Somebody tell him he can't say that. Where's the PC gestapo...wait...
what's that--you say skydivers don't have to be PC? I just don't be-LIEVE this--there has to be some kind of mommy here somewhere...what do you mean this is a sport for people who take responsibility for themselves?

Well. I don't care, I want someone to tell him to stop. You just TELL him to stop or I will stomp my little high heel (OK, not-so-little--9-1/2 EEE on the bio foot and 9D on the store-bought one) and pitch my fit all OVER the DZ. OH...not afraid? OK, then, tell him I'll come to his DZ and surprise him with a kiss pass when he isn't expecting it. And I won't shave that day, either. So there.

On behalf of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender (pre- and post-op), intersex, questioning, closeted (reluctantly), clueless, hard-to-tell (but everybody wonders), vegetarian (incl. vegan, lacto-ovo, and cheater), and virgin (on account of Viking--he SAYS he's straight, but how can he tell without a test drive), I object to this outrageous libel.

Besides, everybody knows that the biggest group of whuffos is big macho straight guys with tiny peepees--you know--the same guys who have the trucks with the giant "Big Wheelz" tires.

So just stop with the tired stereotypes (except for whuffos and big macho straight guys).

WE'RE HERE, WE'RE QUEER, AND WE AIN'T NO DAMN WHUFFOS!!!

Blue skies and all that sissy shit,

SKYPEG

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On behalf of every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender (pre- and post-op), intersex, questioning, closeted (reluctantly), clueless, hard-to-tell (but everybody wonders), vegetarian (incl. vegan, lacto-ovo, and cheater), and virgin (on account of Viking--he SAYS he's straight, but how can he tell without a test drive), I object to this outrageous libel.



Uhhh, dude, you forgot about us sheep lovers.... :$

;)

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Besides, everybody knows that the biggest group of whuffos is big macho straight guys with tiny peepees--you know--the same guys who have the trucks with the giant "Big Wheelz" tires.


Are YOU callin ME a whuffo? I do NOT have a tiny peepee and I'll take on any fucker who implies that the size of a skygod's canopy is directly proportional to that of his cock! (Who told you that though, huh? It was a cold day for fuckssake!)

And what's wrong with Big Wheelz tyres? Chicks dig 'em...I'm sure they do...

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First off: Skypeg1- I fit into one of those desriptions (NO I'M NOT GAY; I just poached a jump-pilot's girl for a night....and didn't invite him to join us) and I'm quite able to defend myself. SOCHILL OUT!!!!:D
As for you Alienangel: It apparent to all that you are sexually frustrated....after reading your "poetry", no wonder.:$
I don't dig big wheels. Big tyres are like oily guys with fluffy dice who drive flashy cars to make up for their lack of penile size.:o I'd rather see how a guy drove his car, as that takes skill.
And if you're thinking fro one moment of putting me down as some ugly tramp/dyke/whuffo, save your fingers for the loo, there're enough people on this site who'll testify I'm none of the above.
Y'anyways, its a free country, suit yourself.:D
xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

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That said.........bloody funny thread!!!!!!
Mwaaaaahaaaahaaahaa:D
Your "poetry" is definately euck though[:/] Makes me feel tainted.
Give me sweet nothings whispered in my ear anyday....whisper anything like this and I'll king-hit you so hard you'll miss the first 4 loads of the day!
Future bfs take note!:D
xj

"I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with the earth...but then I wouldn't recommend picking a fight with a car either, and that's having tried both."

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Your "poetry" is definately euck though Makes me feel tainted.


'Tainted'? Is that the same as saying it makes ya feel DIRTY?... You gotta number I can call y'on? (Do you have any objection to guys who don't...uh...LAST that long? We could have a beautiful thing goin' on here!) Call me, baby B|

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That is absolutely appalling poetry. However, I do find myself strangely fancy you.



Goddamn! They ALL WANT IT! I knew it! The pen[is] mightier than the sword! Bring it on laydeeeeez!

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Yeh I just fancy a bit of a REAL man for a change



Understandable. One can only imagine the constant dissapointment you've been enduring in that area. A woman would be totally justified in looking elsewhere for satisfaction after having Skreamer in bed. AlienAngel, battery-operated surrogates, anything, for fuck's sake, would be better than Skreamer. ;)

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Alienangel AND battery-operated surrogates!!! Wahoo, bring it ON!



How exactly are you planning to utilize each of those? Enquiring minds want to know. :$

Of course, you realize that the batteries will last about a million times longer than AlienAngel, so you better plan for that part to be quick. :o

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