Wed. funnies everyone contribute

[hobbes4star 0]

Be on the lookout! Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers,
and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious
when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the
market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting
men. The drug is found in liquid form, and is now available
almost anywhere.

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars
to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with
them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume
a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for
no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this
approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to
perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they
would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer", men
often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened
the night before...usually with a vague feeling that something
bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their
life savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship".
Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after
"beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory
female. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the
predatory women administering it, there are male support groups
with venues in every town where you can discuss the details
of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with
similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group
nearest you, just look up "Drop-zone" in the yellow pages.

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[ScottishJohn 25]

The first worthwhile chain letter.
=========================


This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their
sexlife even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this
one costs nothing, and you can only win.

Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your friends who are just as virile
as you.

Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton
(don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the
top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list,and
you will receive 823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

0.5 miss worlds
2.5 models
463 wild nymphos
3,234 good-looking nymphos
20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms
40,198 bi-sexual women

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited,
and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your
original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to
you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of
his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown
he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial
expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel
he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live
with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)While I am
sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has
already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion.

Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sexlife.
No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that
only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no
grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.
Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner.
PPS This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can
prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon
undertake.

(Must dash, the post has just arrived.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

[pop 0]

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences...

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[Cornholio 0]

In response to numerous email forwards/chain letters I have received recently, I present you with this...



THE WORLD'S MOST POINTLESS CHAIN LETTER

s someone who receives this email and anyone who has ever met someone who receives this email. Have fun and enjoy less-cluttered, more revelant email readings in the future!

NOTE:

If you didn't pick up on what I was saying, let me clue you in. I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm sure you have all gotten at least ONE chain letter through email at one time. It might have been something like the Parachuting Cow that you had to send on to someone else so you wouldn't get bad luck, or something like a truly sad story about a cancer patient that promises a donation for every person who forwards the email.

Most chain letters are fine. Some are funny and interesting. Some even provide recepies! But there are a lot of ones that I know that I receive that are stupid and worthless, and people forward them to me for apparently no reason.

For example, take these "Virus Alert" forwards. They basically say...

"Beware of the ________ virus. It will delete everything from your computer if you read it. If you see an email with the subject _______ or an attached file called ______, DON'T OPEN THEM! DELETE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!"

First, if there was a chain letter for every virus on the internet, the servers across the country would be so clogged nothing would funciton. There are TONS of viruses out there. This is nothing new. Don't read this email and say, "Oh no! A virus? On the internet? But the Internet is supposed to be perfect and good for everyone!"

Second, if you ever DO get an email with a strange subject line, wierd file attachement, or just from someone you do not know, well, you should be suspicious. Sometimes an email from a strange email address will be nothing more than a generic form letter trying to get you to buy somethine (in my book, these kinds are almost as bad). Whether just by reading an email a virus can download itself on to your computer and delete files, I don't know.

The bottom line? If you get a virus alert, delete it. Don't forward it to anyone. Viruses are nothing special. By sending it to them, this implies that they don't realize the points I just detailed, so maybe you should send THIS to them, and not those virus alerts.

Another example: the Cancer fundraising email.

Bottom line - it's not true. I have never heard of a company or any organization donating money to a charity based on how many people read a particular email, and if I ever DO, I will certainly inform you. Think about it - you get this email and send it to all your friends. How does the company/organization know how many people got the email? Have you ever actually gone to the web site of whoever is sponsoring this? In the American Cancer Society's case, they provided an AOL email address in the email. If you had done a little background check, you would find that the email address was a false address - there was noone with that account name on AOL, nor had there ever been! And if you went to see the American Cancer Society's homepage, they had a very large and visible link to a page where they said how this and other similar emails are absolutely NOT TRUE!

What's my point? Well, we all get a lot of email. Some we forward to others, because we think they would enjoy it, find it informative or interesting. And then there's some that we forward without even thinking WHY we're sending it other than the fact that "the email says I have to send it to 10 people who need luck in love within the next 2 days or else I'll be the victim of a horrible Jello accident" (okay, that's a stretch, but you get the idea). I'm not telling you to send forwards or chain letters. You can do wahatever you want, it's your life, your email. But I ask you to think about WHY you're sending it and WHAT it is that you're really sending. And if you want to keep sending this stuff around, that's fine - just don't send it to me, okay?

I hope this was informative and useful. I don't mean to sound like I'm preaching or condescending; I'm trying to give everyone tips on how to better manage their lives, or at least their email life. If you want some more information, check out these web sites:

Email chain letters and how to defeat them: http://kith.org/logos/things/chain.html

Chain Letters (general info, links, and some common Internet chain letters: lots of good stuff) - http://www.cs.rutgers.edu/~watrous/chain-letters.html

Forwarding hysteria -http://kith.org/logos/things/noforward.html - About chain letters and other pesky forwards you get in your in box - Very good to read or to tell others about

Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast!
Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool!
bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump

[goose491 0]

That was not funny

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[goose491 0]

Have you Heard? Trojan has near-perfected the Female Condom!!!

When used properly by women, this profilactic device can reduce the chance of pregnancy by 99.9%!!!

It is much like the male condom but much bigger and fits over top of the wine or spirits glass...

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[jessefs 0]

"Corporate Lessons"

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit noticed the crow, and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson Number Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," the turkey said and sighed. "But I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three:

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be boss. The brain said, "I should be boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be boss since we carry the brain about and get him where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up, and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss -- any asshole will do.


jesse

<* Spread the Love! *>

[wlie 0]

DickHead CumPosits latest camera helmet. Really cool.

[goose491 0]

What the hell is that? Is that a teacup on the top? and what's the white line?

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[hobbes4star 0]

i belive it's to catch um um the money shot. right?

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?