miked10270 0 #1 August 19, 2002 A few thoughts to share: What Is Politics? A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo." American History 101 It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death' ?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's "Patrick Henry 1775," he said. "Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki raised his hand: "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?" Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki yells, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her. One of the kids says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" Suzuki says, "Arthur Andersen, 2002." State Mottos Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada: Hookers and Poker! New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here! New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney.... North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee: The Educashun State Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont: Yep Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor? West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really! Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared Survivor, Texas-Style Network TV is reported to be developing a "Texas version" of "Survivor," the recent popular TV show. Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock. Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm for Gore, I'm gay, I'm Mike D10270, and I'm here to take your guns." Any contestant who can complete the round trip is the winner. Regards, Mike D10270. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #2 August 19, 2002 The politics one is pretty funny...except for the husband cheating on his wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #3 August 19, 2002 QuoteWyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared Clay! Are you lost again? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #4 August 19, 2002 QuoteClay! Are you lost again? Bwahhhhh Oh Wlie....you crack me up!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
