The rules for Women

[Viking 0]

Somthing my dad sent me in an email.




We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. EVER! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear
getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after
7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first four months we were going out. Get over it. And quit
whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like camping.

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[jams 0]

Indigenous people say that it takes seven generations to forget, or rather erase destructive family habits. i thought i could conquer most of them in my lifetime, but each day i find i am more symilar to my father than any of my four brothers, or four sisters.... there are some good points here like asking for what you want and not inventing tests to see if we understand you... but for the majority i'm relieved my father wouldn't have sent to me...
matt

m
~ a temporary reconfiguration of stardust

[fasterfaller 0]

Now that I have picked myself up off the floor , how do you propose that we get them to follow the rules .

[Viking 0]

oh please its not like my dad wrote them. Just somthing funny (to some i guess)

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[bbarnhouse 0]

If you do a search you will see that this has been posted before..and our response to them........
bwahhhhhhhhhh

[jceman 1]

Quote

If you do a search you will see that this has been posted before..and our response to them........
bwahhhhhhhhhh

Yeah, it's bad enough to get the same jokes over and over in your email, but it's worse to get them again and again and again in the forums.

Folk, please check to see if these things have been posted here before you submit them. I'm sure that there are more than one of us who will be grateful.

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them?

[PhillyKev 0]

Geez, not so harsh. I haven't seen this one for at least a couple days

[Viking 0]

are you talking about This one posted in Nov of 2001? or am i missing one?

or This one from Jan of this year

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin