Tuesday funnies

[hobbes4star 0]

> How To Impress...
>
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Show up naked,

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along,
he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture."

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop
asked.

"My wife."


A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French and
he spoke no French. When the waiter asked his choice, he told
the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty.

The man had a truly fantastic meal. The waiter asked if the man
wanted dessert. He responded that the waiter should bring out
the restaurant's specialty.

The waiter said that was the peach poosay, and he would order
it for him. A waitress came out with a covered silver platter.
She took the cover off and there was a peach that had been
quartered and pitted. The waitress proceeded to raise her
skirt and take a piece of the peach and push it in and out
of her vagina. She picked up the rest of the pieces and did
the same.

The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually
expected to eat the peach after that?"

The waiter responded, "Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

"Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."

OK....that got a giggle out of me. Especially since we now have TWO Frenchmen hanging around the DZ. One seems to have a certain aversion to BBQ sauce.....

[goose491 0]

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=200380;sb=post_latest_reply;so=ASC;forum_view=forum_view_collapsed;;page=unread#unread

My Karma ran over my Dogma!!!

[QuickDraw 0]

This is one i got in my E-mail
Don't know if it is true or if it has already done the rounds.

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's
in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style
severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning