The Stella Awards

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Nothing to do with the beer....


The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is

the 81-year-old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds.

This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award for the most

frivolous lawsuits in the U.S.

The following are this year's candidates:

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by

a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who

was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were

understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little

bastard was Ms. Robertson's son.

2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and

medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.

Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the

car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a

house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to

get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was

malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting

the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on

vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He

subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He

sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue

mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded

$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next

door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in

yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might

have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was

shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of

Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and

broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it

at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the

owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom

window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred

while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies

room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and

dental expenses.

And the winner is:

Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000, Mr. Grazinski

purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home,

having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly

left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.

Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway,crashed and overturned. Mr.

Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he

couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie.

(Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court

case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their
vehicles.)

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[wlie 0]

Where has all the personal responsibility gone?

My other ride is the relative wind.

[jfields 0]

These "cases" are fictional.

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.htm

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/onlyinamerica.htm

[jtval 0]

that is the primary reason why I dont own a gun!
I would open the "shoot-a-stupid-person" season!
we gotta thin out the herd.

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[skymut 0]

Quote

These "cases" are fictional.

I'm quite relieved to hear that they are fake because...
My first thought is to beat the crap out of the people and lawyers who filed these suits. My second thought was how to find the jurors who made the awards, so that I could beat the crap out of them too.

Matt
A well-informed person is somebody who has the same views and opinions as yours.