monday funnies

[happythoughts 0]

HOW MUCH
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her nine-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes it is." "I have a baseball," says the boy. The man replies, "That's nice." "Want to buy it?" asks the kid. The man says, "No, thanks." The boy says, "My dad's outside." The man finally says, "OK, how much?" The boy thinks and says, "$250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mother's lover are in the closet together. The boy says, "Dark in here." "Yes, it is," says the man. The boy now says, "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks, "How much?" The boy says, "$750." The man agrees.
A few days later, the kid’s dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That’s far more than they cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the dad makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again.

[moodyskydiver 0]

LMAO!!!! That was cute!

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[FliegendeWolf 0]

Gee, Bill, I can't help but notice your assumption that all priests are adulterers...

Kidding! Kidding!

A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All

[wlie 0]

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to NY and then on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.

They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.

For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.

They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.

They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach... only to find the remains of the Russian.

One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."

My other ride is the relative wind.

[rhino 0]

That was great!! LOL

[FliegendeWolf 0]

oy...

A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All

[Zinger 0]

Thanks, That made me lol and I can't wait to make my mother mad by telling her it..

[Brisco 0]

A man was preparing to board a plane when he heard the Pope was on the same flight. Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. After awhile, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'UNT'?" The man paused and replied, "Aunt."

"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

Brisco

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.