ScottishJohn 25 #1 October 1, 2002 An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices." The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a ten spot. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers." Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments." With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a fiver. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers." Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. At least you can tidy yourself up a bit.---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sar911 0 #2 October 1, 2002 Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention. 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion. 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds. 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much. 4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally, 5. The maintenance costs are outrageous. "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #3 October 1, 2002 BWAHAHAHA!! GOOD ONES! An Irish guy, an Italian guy & a Polish guy are having a drink in a bar together. The Irish guy says, "This is a pretty good bar. But over in Dublin, there's a bar called O'Brians. And if you go in there & order two drinks, O'Brians gives you your third drink free!" The Italian guy says, "Well over in Rome there's Vito's cafe. If you go in there and order just one drink, Vito's gives you the second drink free!" Then the Polish guy says, "Well I can top that! In Warsaw there's a bar called Kowalski's! And when you go in there, they give you your first drink free, they give you your second drink free, they give you your third drink free, and then, they take you in the back room & you get laid!!" The other two men turned to look at him & asked, "Wow! Did that actually happen to you?" The Polish guy said, "Well, no. But it happened to my sister!!" Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #4 October 1, 2002 A man was sleeping, when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up! Someone is breaking in!" The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house. As the thief was about to leave the man said, "You have to go and meet my wife." The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?" The man explained, "Well, she's been expecting you for 20 years."My other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slowfaller 0 #5 October 1, 2002 What was the name of Helen Keller's dog? ARRTHOGAGOIJTEROIJGQIETGTH! What did the fish say when it hit the cement wall? DAM! Chris --"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyhi 24 #6 October 1, 2002 A gay guy and a straight guy are talking. The gay guy says, "Let's play Hide and Seek. I'll hide and if you find me, I'll give you a blow job." The straight guy says, "What happens if I can't find you?" The gay guy says, "No problem, then I'll be behind the couch."Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #7 October 1, 2002 Why do dogs lick their balls? I used to think the answer was "because they can". I now realize it is because they can't make their paw into a little fist. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
