Someone tell me a bedtime story!!!!!

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Hey diddle, diddle
The cat had a fiddle
And the cow blew up on the launching pad.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
to have a jolly good fuck.
Silly Jill forgot her pill and now they're in the kak.

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Old mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
To get her big dog a french letter.
When she got there the cupord was bare.
So they did it without
It was better.

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Moses went to mount Olive
So Popeye hit him.

[quatorze 1]

little miss muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey,
along came a spider and said
"You whats in da' bowl bitch?"

---Andrew Dice Clay

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

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Humpty Dumpty
Sat on the wall.
Humpty Dumpt had a great fall.
All the kings horses
and all the king's men
Had scrambled eggs for a week.

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and Little Red Riding Hood parted the long grass.
and there she spied the big bad wolf.
"Why do you have such big eyes Mr Wolf" she asked.
"because I am taking a shit, you nosy bitch"

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oh the tears!!!!!! these are too hysterical ... I'm going to get fired in a minute!!!

Kerry

[quatorze 1]

When the boss tries to get huffy just reply,

Mary Mary quite contrary,
Why is your p@##y so damn hairy.

Or you can try
little boy blew...
Hey, he needed the money

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[bluefingers 0]

Quote

Mary Mary quite contrary,
Why is your p@##y so damn hairy.

LMAO .... actually, my boss' name IS Mary ... oh this made my day...

Kerry

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and the big bad wolf jumped out in front of Little Red Riding hood and said.
"Little Red Riding Hood, I am going to eat you up"
said Little Red Riding Hood " Ok so long as you fuck me afterward"

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The Seven Wize Men!
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,with a hammer and chisel,he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,by using red velvet,the lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.

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Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
said Fuck him, he's only and egg

Kerry

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little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet
her clothes all tattered and torn
it wasn't a spider that crept in beside her
but little boy blue and his horn

Kerry

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One just for Bluefingers.

Gatjiepie is spuls. Hy't lank laas 'n stukkie gehad.
So hy gaan maak 'n draai by Maraai se huis.
"Haai Meraai, hoeveel vir 'n stukkie" vra hy.
"Tien Rand" se sy
"Nee man" se hy "Ek het net vyf bob in my sak. Hoe lyk dit vir 'n bietjie discount. Ek sal net my puntjie nat maak"
Maraai skeem soe 'n bietjie en om die waarheid te se het sy ook lak laas 'n pomp gevang.
"Ja, ok" se sy "Maar jy maak net jou puntjie nat"

Daars die twee nou om die draai en hulle voer nou die 'transaksie' uit. Gatjip is 'n man van sy woord en hy gooi net vlak.
"Haai Gatjip, jy is werklik 'n man van jou woord, jy maak net jou puntjie nat" se Maraai.
n' Minute later kom Gamat om die draai en hy tjek die ding voor hom. Soos hy staan en kyk kan hy nie verstaan hoekom Gatjiep nie diep gooi nie.
Hy loop toe vorentoe en sit sy size 10 stewel op Gatjip se gat en druk vir hom.
"Naai Gamat" gil Gatjip "Nou trap jy vir my diep in die skuld in"

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oh my ......

Kerry

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Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead
Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful
consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:

"I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Bob, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear. Cinderella said, "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother."

The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again".

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage
returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for
years. A long-forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her.

Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You have one more wish, what shall you have?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,
"I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when complete he stood before her, a man so beautiful the likes of which neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The Fairy Godmother again spoke, "Congratulations, Cinderella.
Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each others eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered:


....... "Bet you're sorry you neutered me now".........

Kerry

[ernokaikkonen 0]

Little Red Riding Hood illustrated:

[Pammi 0]

Quote

there once was a mna named Merrick
whos middle name has no dick
I cant tell the story or share in the glory
cause MY ASS HE WILL KICK!

J/K merrick
(if you dont get this...its ok! he'll laugh, or kick my ass!)

ROFLMAO!! I'm gonna tell..I'm gonna ... wait, I'll play:

There once was a guy named Merrick
Who married this dumb little bitch.
At least she was good for something,
And she always puts up with his shit

That was fun ;)

Pam

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One for Viking:

BACK INTO VONS GOES VIKING
TO FLIRT WITH THE GIRL ON THE COUNTER
HE SAYS ITS ONLY FOR TALKING
WE ALL KNOW HE JUST WANTS TO POUND HER

How's that for an early shot?

[Merrick 0]

Quote

"there once was a mna named Merrick
whos middle name has no dick
I cant tell the story or share in the glory
cause MY ASS HE WILL KICK! "

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! That's pretty funny dude!

There once was a man named jtval,
He likes sex with midgets cuz he's not very tall,
his c*ck still looks small in their frighteningly large hands,
but none the less makes him feel like a man...
he seeks them out just as fast as he can,
and it makes no difference whether they're a woman or a man.

So stand tall JT and bask in that glory,
and good luck with all your midget whoring!

Blues!

Merrick

[skymama 37]

This just in from my friend in Alabama....


A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon