Sunday funnies

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Ageing Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly
despondant over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in
death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over and done with
quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the
first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and
burden someone, she called the doctors office to enquire as to
just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said "Your heart would be located just below your left
breast"

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to hospital with a gunshot
wound to her knee.


================

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all
day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself,
trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the
first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the
last.

And you're single. Let it go...."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:

"Bob, you're a vet."

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[SpeedRacer 1]

Rainy & overcast all weekend. Nothing to do but stay home & post whore.(Is that a verb??)
----------------------------------------

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,

"How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison...."

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[ChileRelleno 0]

Quote

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison...."

LMAO


See thread: New gear ideas

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868

• Quote