SudsyFist 0 #1 October 15, 2002 ok, so after a scrumpdiddilyumptious lunch at a japanese dig in carlsbad today, a window sign catches my eye as we're walking back down to the car: Imagine... Silky Smooth Hairless Skin For Life! perplexed by this notion (and with fiendish grin), i step inside. it's an upscale salon, complete with elegantly styled lighting and decor, high-tech hair sculpting machines and makeover gadgetry, and even those fluffy magazines about what stupid shit on which you should spend your rich husband's dough. impressive. but that isn't the only thought that comes to mind. sauntering up to the receptionist with all the suave charm i can muster, i respond to the bona fide welcome-how-can-i-fucking-help-you look on her pathetically plasticized, over-the-hill-barbie-doll face: "underneath these clothes, i look like a wooly mammoth. i saw your sign..." headlights. deer. "...hairless for life?" "oh, yes. well, um, we do laser treatments here," she finally stammers, fumbling for a brochure whilst trying to enlighten me a bit on their safe and oh-so-innovative laser hair removal technique. yeah, ever see those aftermath shows on discovery channel? hmm... tempting. totally losing me in her annoyingly giddy voice, she hands me some literature, which i promptly turn over to read the attached cost sheet. without even a second's passing, my eyes lunge out of their respective skull-holes -- not from sticker shock, but from the contents of the treatment area column. "what's this? genital..." "that's your shaft, dude," cman tactfully blurts out from beside me, with buteho's customary fit of laughter following closely behind. "no, what i mean is, why are there two separate costs, with genitals - female at $135 and genitals - male at $270? isn't that discrimination?" she must have some seriously strong levator muscles. i've never seen such mascara-glutted, ptosis-ridden eyelids blink that fast in my life. pray it's not a seizure; i'm too old for this shit. "uh, well, i don't really know..." whew. "i'm really serious about this. i'm going to go over this at home and let it digest..." "well, you can see the doctor right now if you'd like..." hold on there, hosse. "no, we've got to go right now," i quickly reply, slowly backing away from her desk. "ok. the doctor's here on mondays and w... on mondays. he'll give you a consultation -- you know, free." moron. "thanks. i'll be back after i read up more on this; we've got a lot of work to do." "and he's gonna start with his palms." cman. the utter definition of savoir faire. "and then i'm gonna have to do something to about my eyesight..." stepping out the door and into the fresh ocean breeze, i can swear i actually hear her giggle. and so ends another episode of our adventures, with high-fives and talk about what we're gonna have for dinner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #2 October 15, 2002 LOLOL classic man just classic, i can just see ken saying "thats your shaft dude" I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SudsyFist 0 #3 October 15, 2002 Quote i can just see ken saying "thats your shaft dude" actually, you've got it backwards -- cman's the nsync-lookin' guy. steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #4 October 15, 2002 hahah that is funny stuff! i hope you keep doing shit like that. I try to mess w/ppl like that,every chance i get!My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #5 October 15, 2002 whoops I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChileRelleno 0 #6 October 15, 2002 Thanks for the laugh, i needed that ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414 Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fasterfaller 0 #7 October 15, 2002 I have been begging those hair removal bastards to do my head and face for years and they don' t want to do it So tired of shaving No problem with cock and balls but no way on face and head . Anyone know where I can buy one of those lights ? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skeletor 0 #8 October 15, 2002 how much for the arm pits ? rich Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SudsyFist 0 #9 October 15, 2002 Quote Thanks for the laugh, i needed that Quote No problem with cock and balls but no way on face and head . au contraire! (see below) Quote how much for the arm pits ? here's the ala carte menu, for your pleasure: Treatment Area Patient Price --------------------------- ------------- Abdomen (men) 270 - 472 Abdomen (women) 135 - 202 Arms - forearms (both) 270 - 405 Arms - upper (both) 270 - 405 Back 405 - 810 Beard - face & neck 338 - 540 Bikini Line 135 Pubic Area 135 Inner Thigh 135 - 203 Breasts 108 Buttocks 203 - 270 Chest (men) 270 - 405 Chin 68 - 135 Ears (both) 108 Eyebrows (both) 135 Feet (both) 135 Genital - female 135 Genital - male 270 hands - (both) 135 Legs - full (both) 675 - 1080 Legs - upper (thighs) 405 - 675 Legs - lower (both) 405 - 675 Lip - upper 68 Neck - back 108 Neck - front (men) 162 - 203 Rectum 135 - 203 Shoulders (both) 103 - 338 Sideburns/cheeks (women) 135 Underarms (both) 135 ladies, please volunteer which areas you'd like to see treated first; looks like i've got, like, $3500 of work i need done! steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #10 October 15, 2002 You're an evil man... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SudsyFist 0 #11 October 15, 2002 Quote You're an evil man... i'm afraid you're right, one plagued with guilt... me thought i heard a voice cry, sleep no more! sudsyfist does murder sleep! steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pammi 0 #12 October 15, 2002 Quote au contraire! (see below) here's the ala carte menu, for your pleasure: Breasts 108 steve Breasts?? I don't have hair on my breasts I do know of a certain co-worker of my hubbies who could do with some tummy and face hair removal. Blech! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #13 October 15, 2002 >Breasts?? I don't have hair on my breasts ...but that doesn't mean that's the case with all women... Ick. Thanks for the visual, Pammi... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #14 October 15, 2002 "but that doesn't mean that's the case with all women... Ick" Hey some people find 'hirsute' women attractive, different stroke, for different folks....... I once went out with a girl who was shall we say 'hirsute', she would have kept this salon in overtime for a while.... Laser??? she would have needed the death star to sort some of those pot scourrers out! -------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ernokaikkonen 0 #15 October 15, 2002 >Laser??? she would have needed the death star to sort some of >those pot scourrers out! Hmmm. I'm sure she had a wonderful personality. But I find myself shallow enough to say "You wont see me dating a wookie". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #16 October 15, 2002 "You wont see me dating a wookie". Tell that to Chew Bacca's mum....I'm sure she will be heart brokenI did say went out with ONCE!!! Besides, a wookie is just a sheep that can walk on two legs... -------------------- He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #17 October 15, 2002 Quote I did say went out with ONCE!!! Besides, a wookie is just a sheep that can walk on two legs Great, so now you & Clay can double-date! Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #18 October 15, 2002 "ladies, please volunteer which areas you'd like to see treated first; looks like i've got, like, $3500 of work i need done! " Send me a PM with an attached pic for a complimentary exam! I am high-trained professional. I even have the white coat from when I painted my house. Hmmm... nice bush! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 October 15, 2002 Quote "Besides, a wookie is just a sheep that can walk on two legs... In the US, a wookie who can walk on two legs is called "attorney general". Just kidding. I try and be sensitive to their plight. Enormous, hairy women need love too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SudsyFist 0 #20 October 15, 2002 Quote Laser??? she would have needed the death star to sort some of those pot scourrers out! you know, nacmac... chunks of australian navel orange DO NOT FEEL GOOD coming out one's nose!!! omg, death star... hehehehehe steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
