Rules for us.

[Slowfaller 0]

Taken from an email that a co-worker sent me, I don't know where it originates.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
> >from the male side. These are our rules!
> >
> >Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> >1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
> >down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us crying about
> >you
> >leaving it down.
> >1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
> >can
> >find the perfect present yet again!
> >1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
> >1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> >tides.
> >Let it be.
> >1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
> >short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
> >married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
> >1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
> >that
> >way.
> >1. Crying is blackmail.
> >1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
> >not
> >work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
> >
> >1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on
> >calendar.
> >Remind us frequently beforehand.
> >1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
> >be
> >any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
> >your
> >dress?
> >1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
> >
> >1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
> >what
> >we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> >1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> >1. Check your oil! Please.
> >1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> >fact,
> >all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> >1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
> >to
> >act like soap opera guys.
> >1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
> >
> >answer.
> >
> >1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
> >
> >makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> >1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
> >1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> >done.
> >Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> >commercials.
> >1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
> >1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> >months
> >we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
> >1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
> >for
> >example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
> >idea
> >what mauve is.
> >1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> >mind-reading
> >ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
> >1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> >nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> >hassle.
> >1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
> >you
> >don't want to hear.
> >1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> >Really.
> >1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> >discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
> >trucks.
> >1. You have enough clothes.
> >1. You have too many shoes.
> >1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.(Unless it's Bruce Lee or
> >some
> >war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
> >anyway.)
> >1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
> >together.
> >No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
> >1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
> >1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> >
> >tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Chris

--"Someday you will die and somehow somethings going to steal your carbon" -MM

[ernokaikkonen 0]

This was posted a while ago. I actually linked to the post earlier today in the "what's your color"-thread.