It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[f1freak 0]

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.

The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. "Help! Help!"

The tower came back and asked, "What's the problem?"

The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!"

The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you're upside down?"

"Because the shit is running down my back!"


The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"

"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."


A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.

Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"

"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? That's absurd!"

"Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"


A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral sex on his wife. The woman at the front desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319.

The man walked into the room and met the lady of the evening. He told her why he was there, so she gave him a few pointers and then told him to go for it.

So, the man began performing oral sex and he was, by her reaction, pretty good at it. But something strange happened. A couple of minutes into the deed, he felt something in his mouth. He spit it into his hand and found a piece of carrot.

"Oh man, that's nasty!" he thought, but he said nothing and continued.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a pea.

"Damn, can't take much more of this. There's something wrong with this bitch." But again, he said nothing and gave it one more shot.

A couple of minutes later, he came up with a piece of chicken. He couldn't stand it any longer.

"I can't do this anymore! I'm gonna throw up!"

"That's funny," remarked the hooker, "that's what the last guy did."


A couple of homosexual men are accidentally rear-ended by a large truck at a stop sign one afternoon.

Furious, the man in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, steps out of the car, then walks back to the truck and starts banging on the door.

The truck driver opens the door and the homosexual, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, "We're gonna sue your ass!"

The truck driver smirks, says, "Blow me, buddy!"

The homosexual stands there for a moment thinking, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car and says excitedly to his lover, "You won't believe this... he wants to settle out of court!"

HAVE FUN...
...JUST DONT DIE