things do do on a jump ship

[RobertE 0]

61 Fun Things to do in a Jump Plane


1. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to
other passengers.

2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.

4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

5. Beat out bongo rifts on your helmet.

6. Unzip your jumpsuit part way, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"

7. One word: Flatulence!

8. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

9. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

10. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the plane hits turbulence.

11. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

12. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're
one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the plane.

13. Ask each passenger getting on if you can pull their silver
handle for them.

14. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers
"through" it.

15. Look around and ask "is that your dytter?"

16. Say "Announcing the Xth Floor!" each 1000'.

17. Listen to the plane walls with a stethoscope.

18. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers that this is your "personal space."

19. Ask the jumper next to you, "If you burn in into a forest, does
it make a sound?".

20. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see
wha in muh mouf?"

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body."

22. Make explosion noises.

23. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

24. Sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" or "99 bottles of beer on the
wall" in round.

25. After everyone has taken off their seatbelts, connect
mismatching pairs in consideration of the next load.

26. Ask about the in-flight beverage choices, meal, and inflight
movie. Insist that you were told a meal would be served when you
purchased your ticket.

27. When jump run is announced, stand up and yell: "But I paid for a
round trip ticket!"

28. Play "enie, menie, miny, moe" while pointing the shiny silver
handles of nearby jumpers.

29. Hum Gregorian chants.

30. When someone is spotting, point toward the horizon and
innocently ask "Is that Mexico?"

31. Moan, clutch your stomach, mutter "Oh damn, not motion sickness
now." Then ask your neighbor if you can borrow his Factory Diver.

32. When boarding the plane ask if you can have emergency row
seating.

33. After the first person exits, point out the door and exclaim
"It's a bird, it's a plane, nah, just another f#$&in' toad."

34. Cough then mutter "Don't worry the doctor said it can only be
spread through physical contact."

35. Pretend to pick lice out of your neighbors hair then eat them.

36. Theorize (incorrectly) on why airplanes and square parachutes
actually fly.

37. Bow down and grovel before the local skygod.

38. Play rock, paper, scissors - if no one will join you, play
against yourself using both hands.

39. Hand out labels that say "Plan B - Part 1" and "Plan B - Part 2"
for everyone's cutaway and reserve handles.

40. Have the other jumpers get the attention of the jumper furthest
from you then wave and smile broadly.

41. Turn to a student and say "Don't worry, the engine sounds _much_
better than it did yesterday."

42. Sing "Edelweiss".

43. Say to the jumper across from you, "All is in readiness,
Comrade. This time we cannot fail!"

44. Pick your nose and then hold your finger up to another jumper
and ask, "Booger?".

45. Tell the jumper next to you that skydiving is nothing compared
the time when you were pinned down under a deadly hail of Jap fire.

46. Speak into your altimeter then hold it to your ear and nod your
head.

47. Ask the other passengers in a thick German accent for their
tickets.

48. Shift around as you sit and announce that thongs are overrated.

49. Talk about the parachute equipment you saw on the Home Shopping
Channel.

50. Sing "Rawhide" as the plane accelerates to takeoff.

51. Start a petition demanding more altitude.

52. Repetitively ask, "Are we there yet?"

53. Tap furtively on the bulkhead and mutter, "Now where's that
secret panel?"

54. Try to hypnotize the jumper across from you.

55. After you put your goggles on, act surprised, and say hello to
the person across from you.

56. Give the jumper next to you a "Wet-Willy".

57. When the pilot announces jumprun advise the other jumpers to
return their seats and tray tables to the full upright and locked
position.

58. Bring your own joystick and pretend you're flying the plane.

59. Move your helmet past your neighbor's head and announce, "The
Deathstar has cleared the planet".

60. According to the stories of one of the jet loads at Quincy a
couple of years ago...

61. Solve quadratic equations aloud.

[newshooter12 0]

Thanks... that made my night and lack of air time. Scarry part is the high # of those that I've already seen with only 5 jumps.. matt

[RobertE 0]

glad you injoyed it

[newshooter12 0]

it's been filed for future enjoyment

[BPO 0]

okay... that was REALLY old... but still fun to read though..
(especially when one is at work.. waiting for the clock to show the RIGHT time... leaving-time that is..)

NA #004
Cheers!

[nacmacfeegle 0]

Umm has anybody actually mentioned leaving the aircraft??

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[RobertE 0]

thats done after ypu scare the sh!t out of the students

[BPO 0]

ooohaahh... There's a thought!

You know what? Maybe it would be fun if we'd leave the plane in groups... we'll call it formation flying or freeflying... that would surely be fun!

.... on second thought.. it is probably far too dangerous.. we can't even breathe up high, so that would be a large problem.. .. nah.. better stay on the plane..
NA #004

[mouth 0]

The comment about food and beverage service is really getting old. The guys press imaginary buttons on the ceiling and go "ding, stewardess, could you get me a drink" all while looking at and picking on me. I have finally informed a few of them the only service they will get is a funeral service.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

The comment about food and beverage service is really getting old. The guys press imaginary buttons on the ceiling and go "ding, stewardess, could you get me a drink" all while looking at and picking on me. I have finally informed a few of them the only service they will get is a funeral service.

Killing them for picking on you seems fair as long as it is done in
a calm manner and not in a moment of anger.

[mouth 0]

They know I am all flap and no throttle. At least when it comes to killing them.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.