Beer ...

[Sonic 0]

For computers .


DOS Beer: Required you to use your own can opener, and required you to
read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came
in an 8-oz. can, but was later sold in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is
divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed
separately. Was recently discontinued although a lot of people are still
drinking it even though it is no longer available.

Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When
you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not
on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that
"you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your
empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer: This was the world's most popular. Came in a 16-oz. can
that looked a lot like Mac Beer's. Required that you already owned a DOS
Beer. It claimed that it allowed you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously, but in reality you could only drink a few of them, very
very slowly, especially slowly if you were drinking the Windows Beer at
the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, cans of Windows Beer
would explode when you opened them.

OS/2 Beer: Came in a 32-oz can. It did allow you to drink several DOS
Beers simultaneously. Also allowed you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer
simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't
explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really
saw anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer: The can looked a lot like Mac Beer's can, but it tasted
more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It came in 32-oz. cans, but when you looked
inside, the cans only had 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people carried on
drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends tried Windows 95 Beer and
said they liked it. The ingredients were the same as those that came in
DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claimed that this was entirely new
brew.

Windows 98 Beer: The can is almost identical to windows 95 Beer's and all
those who have tried Windows 98 Beer have said that it tastes exactly the
same. The main difference is it is now difficult to drink a DOS beer if
you also drink the Windows 98 beer. The ingredients remain the same as
those used in Windows 95 Beer with the exception of a small addition which
means the cans will now explode without you even opening the can.

Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger
refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company
has promised to change the can to look just like Windows 98 Beer's -
should Windows 98 Beer ever start shipping. Touted as an "industrial
strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Linux Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz.
to 64 oz. Drinkers of Linux Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though
they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a
complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking Linux Beer
for several years. Linux Beer is unique in that it allows you to drink
many DOS and Windows Beers simultaneously and faster than if you were
drinking them without the Linux Beer.

AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe was
been picked up by some weird German company, so this beer is now an
import. This beer never really sold very well because the original
manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Linux Beer, AmigaDOS Beer
fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz.
can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally
introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't
changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer
claim that it was only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown
listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumours are that this was
once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilliser, but no
one can claim to have actually seen it.

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It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone