Some Plane Problems

[Slappie 9]

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot
completes, and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They
then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action
was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as
submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

[TheBile 0]

I don't know why, but I found those hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

Gerb

I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

[diverdriver 7]

Bwahahahahah.....I love reading that over and over....

[QuickDraw 0]

LMAO

That is real top draw stuff.

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[DYEVOUT 0]

Those Aussies are a HOWL !!

----------------=8^)----------------------
"I think that was the wrong tennis court."

[Galen 0]

I was reading those aloud to a co-worker. He was in stitches.

[freeflir29 0]

Back when I was an aircraft mechanic my first boss in the Air Force got in trouble because of something like this. A crew chief put in "Stuck Screws on tail access panel." My boss went out and used a screw driver (Crew Chiefs were famous for their "Speed handles") to loosen the screws. He gets back and puts in the log "Loosened screws IAW Grandpa's lefty loosey righty tighty T.O." Apparently there were some people that were not ammused by this. I'm still friends with Tim to this day even though we haven't worked together since 1994.

[Guest]

Quote

Bwahahahahah.....I love reading that over and over....

Yup. The "#3 engine missing" has to go back to recip/radial days in the USAF, at least.

Reminds me of some of the stuff we'd get on the gripe tags from AGS.

One was a classic. In the F-15, there was an Integrated Communications Control Panel (ICCP) on the back right-hand console which was equipped with goofy-shaped knobs, (out of the pilot's line of sight), for volume control for threat warning tones, etc.

This panel had a speech module that said "Warning, Warning" in a calm but concerned female voice over the intercom when something serious happened, like an FTIT overtemp, engine fire, etc. (and of course the "Master Caution" lit up on the Main Comm Panel, right below the HUD).

The voice was nicknamed "Bitchin' Betty" by the AGS troops.

One day, we got an ICCP in the shop because the voice warning kept going off. The unit had a gripe tag that read -

"Can't shut the bitch up!"

hehehe

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[diverdriver 7]

Quote

"Can't shut the bitch up!"

LOL....roflmao.......oh how I know about that!

[skygod7777 0]

that's funny as hell

later

[moodyskydiver 0]

LMAO!!! I cant wait to show some of these to my best friend. She just went to the AF to be a Crew Chief. hehehe!

"...just an earthbound misfit, I."

[wingnut 0]

Quote

FTIT overtemp, engine fire, etc

wow, iknow it's off topic of this thread but...wow... i know what someone is taking about for once..... never mind java, c++ or fortran..i finally understand something.......


clay.... us crew chiefs are not only famous for our speed handle usage...but renownd the world over... hell, we can even us a johnson bar to get those stuck screws out... we don't need no stinking sheet metal guys with thier easy outs....no... well unless we reamm the head off the screw or get the apex stuck inside of the screw head...lol....


moody....she'll be in the 362nd TRS at shepard afb in wichita falls tx.... a fun place.....not!!!!!! but it is close to skydive texas and sd dallas...take a trip up to see her and make some jumps..get her away from that place it'll drive her crazy..hell it did me........what plane will she be working on??? sorry so many questions...it's just vry rare to find any female crew chiefs!!!!

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"i have no reader's digest version"