Sonic 0 #1 November 19, 2002 Reasons why women are like football grounds: • There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play. • Pitches vary from the well grassed to the completely bald. • Remember it is possible to score at both ends. • Tackling from behind is not always an offence – check with ground owner. • Be careful…after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard, but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground. • Only some grounds offer 5-a-side facilities. • Don’t ever make public your desire to play at Wembley, also never mention pitches previously visited. • Extra time is dependant on subsequent pitch booking. • If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating, suggest calling the game off…possibly even call coroner. • When building a team it is always nice to find one with Seaman at the back. • Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles. • Always ask before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel. Conversely, do not expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnel to the goalmouth and score. This can leave a nasty taste in the mouth of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground. • Personal morals may be compromised by local Derby’s. • It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches. • From time to time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie. • Russian grounds are frequently more grassy. • Very few grounds are found with executive boxes. • Be wary of grounds with room for coaches. • Always be on the look out for grounds that host ladies football twice a week. • Pitches with a waterlogged end can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if you piss off the owner by continually asking to play up the good end instead. • Players will have to agree personal terms with the club before being allowed to play on the turf. • Don’t forget that if you use your hands in the area you may be penalised. • As the spot can be very indistinct on some pitches you may need to ask the pitch owner to help you locate it. It is a good idea to re-mark it in white each time you play. • If there is a strong wind, you need to be careful which end you choose. • Use your subs wisely so that you have a hard man on for the climax of the game. You shouldn’t bring him off too soon. • It is best not to admit to having played on a plastic pitch.----------------------------------- It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #2 November 19, 2002 to all the americans... football= soccer....... though ya guys might get a little confused... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sonic 0 #3 November 19, 2002 To me it's football, so that's the way it's staying ----------------------------------- It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessefs 0 #4 November 19, 2002 I think thats the funniest "reasons" list I have ever seen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
