an asshole story

[jtval 0]

this is a classic but I think it should show you some new ways to have fun!!



For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day..

Here a little something to brighten your day .....


For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to

take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to

make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her.

(I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and
hung up.

I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him.

He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling

would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
Telephone

Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID
program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had
patiently

waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.


The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I dialed and someone said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used

to be.

So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.

"Hello"

"You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed "Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black
Beemer our front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.

And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called asshole # 2:

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello Asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."


Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.


Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6
squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now, I feel better.

Have a great day!

My photos

My Videos

[cgross 1]

Classic...lmao

[Sonic 0]

HAHAHA. Quality mate !!

-----------------------------------
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone

[freeflir29 0]

All this would tend to brighten your day.

[jtval 0]

I think there's an old spanish l;ady who is trying this with me. but I just tell her me phrase and hang up!

My photos

My Videos

[jtval 0]

my phrase being 'mi tengo un pollito en mi bulsa, y se como usarlo'

My photos

My Videos

[novacaine 0]

Dude thank you! I've been trying to find that story for a while now! Got to share that one with the office.

[jtval 0]

Quote

Dude thank you! I've been trying to find that story for a while now! Got to share that one with the office.

I knew it. I was holding out on ya though. hahaha!
actually If i'd have know I would posted it...the same time b/c I just got it again!

My photos

My Videos

[skydiverbrian 0]

Oh.... this thread isnt' what I thought it was about.

In a world full of people, only some want to fly... isn't that crazy! --Seal

[quatorze 1]

to fricking funny, that one is going to go aroud the office

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[Michele 1]

I can't send it around my office, because too many of them wouldn't "get" it and I'd get in trouble. HOWEVER! I will give it to a few friends there who'd just love it.

Thanks...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Casch 0]

Who wouldn't "Get" it???? Idiots!

[Michele 1]

Quote

Who wouldn't "Get" it???? Idiots!

Eggggzackly, Josh...

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[mouth 0]

Bad part is I could think of some people to do this to! Some people really are assholes no matter what you say or do they remain thaat way so you might as well enjoy it at their expense.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[ramon 0]

that was really funny.

ramon

"Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.", Ambrose Bierce.