Does Quantas still have a perfect safety record ?

[PLFKING 4]

Just a couple i thought I'd pass along....


Quantas Airline Maintenance

(Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor)

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the
corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way Quantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident. (Is this true??)

(P) stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log,
(S) stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.


(note: this complaint was for a piston-engined airplane - the
pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


///////////////////////////////////////////////////////


Out for Dinner MATHEMATICS
> > > >
> > > > This is pretty neat how it works out.
> > > >
> > > > DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST
> > > >
> > > > It takes less than a minute.......
> > > >
> > > > Work this out as you read.
> > > >
> > > > Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
> > > >
> > > > This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would
> > like
> > > > to have dinner out. (try for more than once but less than 10)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 3. Add 5. (for Sunday)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 4. Multiply it by 50 - I'll wait while you get the
> > > > calculator................
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1752....
>If
> > > > you haven't, add 1751..........
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > You should have a three digit number ....
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The first digit of this was your original number
> > > >
> > > > (I.e., how many times you want to have eat out each week.)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The next two numbers are
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it IS!!!!!)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2002) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT
>AROUND
> > > > WHILE IT LASTS. IMPRESSIVE, ISN'T IT?

[pilotdave 0]

Quote

By the way Quantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident. (Is this true??)

Sort of. They had a 747 run off the end of a runway a couple years ago. Cost to repair the plane was literally more than the cost of a brand new 747, but they did it anyway just so they can say they haven't lost a jet. There were no mjaor injuries though, so I dunno if it counts as an accident. Well, it does by the FAA definition I would think (substantial damage to the plane), but whatever. Cost of the repair was over $100 million.

Pics

By the way, its Qantas, not Quantas. Just realized that!

Dave

[kevin922 0]

That is nuts! Guess those 747s can't land on unimproved runways eh? :)

[pilotdave 0]

Quote

That is nuts! Guess those 747s can't land on unimproved runways eh? :)

Well, the problem is more with the Qantas pilots. They land upside down!

Dave

[Sonic 0]

I tried that on flight simulator 2000 - got it on the centreline and everthing but it said I crashed.

-----------------------------------
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone

[Guest]

Quote

I tried that on flight simulator 2000 - got it on the centreline and everthing but it said I crashed.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.

heh

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[quade 4]

Just a small point.

Most of these jokes actually date back to at least WWII. I seriously doubt it comes from Qantas.

For instance, I doubt many Qantas jets are equipped with IFF. That's Identification Friend or Foe. A device that pre-dates our current types of radar transponders and was in service back in . . . WWII.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[indyz 1]

Quote

Just a small point.

Most of these jokes actually date back to at least WWII. I seriously doubt it comes from Qantas.

For instance, I doubt many Qantas jets are equipped with IFF. That's Identification Friend or Foe. A device that pre-dates our current types of radar transponders and was in service back in . . . WWII.

The one that made me wonder, was how many airlines run 4 engine piston aircraft anymore? Noisy, slow, maintenance nightmares, you couldn't get an airline to touch one with a ten foot pole.

[suz 0]

Quote

By the way Quantas is the only major
airline that has never had an accident.

Quote

Sort of. They had a 747 run off the end of a runway a couple years ago.

In 1999 to be precise. I'd had never been in a plane before (at that time of the "accident") and I was planning to go south, via quantas...to see mates..I changed my mind after that...

Goes to show guys, that no plane is a perfectly good plane...that's why when people ask me, "Why jump out of a perfectly good plane?"
I always answer, " They're aint always perfect!"

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[masher 1]

I wouldn't fly anything _but_ Qantas...

--
Arching is overrated - Marlies

[PLFKING 4]

Quote

For instance, I doubt many Qantas jets are equipped with IFF.

Yeah, I thought IFF was only on fighters....but what the hell. I didn't write it, just passed it along.

Don

[suz 0]

***P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.***

Chuckles
Where did you get these from, did you like, bribe the maintenance dude? hee hee hee

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[skymick 0]

Damn dont know how many times ive seen those aircraft 'logs', last one I read was from and 'actual' log of some Russian Carrier hehe

They havnt had any accidents where a fatality occured, just ran off the end of the runway in Bangkok and I think one of those inflatable slides popped open inside the cabin once, dont think they is much more apart from that

BTW: Its QANTAS not QUANTAS
Queensland And Northern Territory Airline Services
Theres a bit of useless trivia for all you guys

[flyhi 24]

Quote

For instance, I doubt many Qantas jets are equipped with IFF. That's Identification Friend or Foe. A device that pre-dates our current types of radar transponders and was in service back in . . . WWII.

Mode 4 is referred to as IFF and it is more important than ever, especially after 9/11. Penetration, no matter how slight, of the ADIZ without it is sufficient to complete the act and will get you an "Unknown Rider" call every time. Not that I personally know... but that outcome is never pleasant.

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[Squeak 17]

Queensland
And
Northern
Teritory
AVIATION
Service
At least it was originally, unless they have changed it,
And we still use 4 engine prop planes here in australia for domestic flights to regional areas with western Australia.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

will get you an "Unknown Rider" call every time. Not that I personally know..

If you see Dutchboy around on here ask him about his "transponder adventure" a few months back. He took off out of a little airport down the road from me in a Cessna 172. A few minutes later he was asked to contact Atlanta approach. The first thing they asked was....."What's your transponder setting?" It was set ot standard VFR but was squawking all 7's. Not sure what all 7's is but it's one of the emergency codes. Luckily....the controllers didn't freak out and do anything stupid. They just asked him to have it checked out.

[Craig 0]

squawking 7777 is for a hijacking, lol


My bad, 7777 is a military intercpt code, hijacking is 7500

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

squawking 7777 is for a hijacking

I thought it was for military "escort/intercept" .....anyway....either way I don't think the controllers thought ANYONE would hijack a 172 and I'm sure they noticed it was going a WEE BIT slower than your average F-16.

[quade 4]

Quote

. . . either way I don't think the controllers thought ANYONE would hijack a 172 . . .

There is a very famous and absolutely TRUE story about some controllers that did. This story is well over 15 years old, but it's been confirmed and is ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Rod Machado (aviation hurmorist and flight instructor fomerly of SNA) continues to tell this story in his seminars.

A freshly minted private pilot takes off from an airport in SoCal heading to Las Vegas. Being new to the game he's not really too hot on his procedures and confidence level of getting from point a to point b so he decides to get some "flight following".

This is not an exact transcript, but close enough for government work.

"SoCal Approach, Cessna 123PQ is a Cessna 172. Level seven thousand five hundred over Santa Paula en route to Las Vegas. Request flight following."

"Cessna 123PQ, SoCal. Squawk 1200 and ident."

"Cessna 123PQ, wilco."

"Cessna 3PQ, SoCal. I'm not receiving your altitude information. Reset your transponder, squawk altitude and ident."

And with that, our intrepid pilot does exactly what he was told to do. He turns his transponder off, turns it back on again, this time correctly putting it into Mode C and dials in -- yep, you guessed it -- 7500.

Oh yeah, he got flight following! Best freekin' ATC service he -EVER- got.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[freeflir29 0]

Quote

Best freekin' ATC service he -EVER- got

Hmmm...usually ATC is pretty quick at picking up on the "New Guy" sound. I'm suprised they didn't recognize the "Idiot factor."

[KawiZX900 0]

why does everyone say perfectly good airplane,
why not functional aircraft
i think hearing that supports the universa lemming theory

Accelerate hard to get them looking, then slam on the fronts and rollright beside the car, hanging the back wheel at eye level for a few seconds. Guaranteed reaction- Dave Sonsky

[Craig 0]

I got a laugh out of these...

Some "stupid pilot tricks"
http://www.airliners.net/discussions/tech_ops/read.main/47073/

And for a little variety "stupid controller tricks"
http://www.airliners.net/discussions/tech_ops/read.main/48196/