Trees, telephone calls, and the "Urban Lumberjack Steve"

[Michele 1]

Here's todays whacky real estate adventure...just cause I'm bored...

I manage a property that rents are $2500 per month, in Toluca Lake.

5:08 am, on my feet, from a dead sleep. Earthquake? No, wind howling and the fig tree outside my bedroom window tapping, rapping, scratching the glass. Go into the office early, and I have a message already. The tenant Sascha is calling, sleepfogged voice apparent.

"Michele, your landscaper came to the house overnight and cut down a tree and left it in front of the house. We can't use the front door, and the window rattled a lot. Or maybe it was an earthquake. I can't describe it, it's really weird. It's all over the front. There's a tree down, it must have been an earthquake...you have to come look. It's killed the lights on the walkway. We've got 40 people coming for Thanksgiving, can you deal with this right away? And the pool's not heating right, either." Click.

WTF? OK, as far as I know, the landscaper (Ignacio is a gardener...!!!) doesn't work in the middle of the night, doesn't come to the house Monday or Tuesday, doesn't cut trees, any of the trees in the front would need a chainsaw anyway. Geesh, what is she talking about. Mental images of gremlin Ignacio and his children taking out frustration on the poor eucalyptus trees, adn then sneaking into the back to destroy the pool heater...I blow off the office meeting, get into my car, and drive over, still picturing a tree stump where the ecalyptus had been...

The wind which woke me at 5:08 (ungodly time, that) has indeed made it's presence felt at the house...there are branches everywhere, missing the dining room window by maybe 4 inches. There are two main branches, and yes, it's blocking the door. Damn. I drop my canopy off to Vinnie for the riser swap (thanks again, Dave), and truck back to the office. My priority today now is finding someone with a chainsaw to get this tree trimmed and the branches off the lawn.

I make a bunch of calls - and of course everyone is already busy and booked. One guy said he'd bring out a crew for $600. Wha????? Shit, for that, I'll buy an ax and start alleviating my frustrations, load up the Jetta, and give the wood to a cold family or something! Finally I reach this guy, Steve. He answers the phone with "This is the Urban Lumberjack Steve. What can I cut for you today?" I swear, this is ludicrous. Before he's willing to give me a price, he wants to see the "debris field". What debris field? It's a suburban front lawn, not a war zone - fine, I'll meet you there at 4:45. 10 minutes. Grab the keys, out the door, and go.

I'm there, and this gigantic horrible florescent orange dually pulls up, towing what looks like a little house, with - I kid you not - a smiling, axe toting Paul Bunyon painted on the side, and "Urban Lumberjack Steve" as a caption underneath. I am not sure I want to get out of the car. Climbing out of the car, all I can see is a red flannel shirt and tons of head and facial hair. It's grizzly Adams. I can't help it, and I start to giggle.

He surveys the "debris field", gives me a lecture about eucalyptus trees being known as self trimming, gives me a step by step lesson on the trifurcation of the crotch of the tree and how it actually fell. Tells me "You know, trees feel things. I mean, for the amount of trees that fall in a city, someone being crushed underneath one, or a car getting squashed, is pretty rare. I've been around trees all my life, and they plan it so no-one gets hurt often. If I were a tree, I'd plan it to take people out. It'll cost you 185 leaves." For what - you to take out people? Leaves? Do you mean dollars? Translator please!!!!!!!!

And then he pulls out a chainsaw. It's dark, and the man is telling me how trees feel things, and now he's going to play with a power tool. I am so out of there... I give him my card, and tell him to bill me at the office, I've left my checkbook at home. I get in my car, and for all I know, he's been cutting wood ever since. I haven't heard from the tenant, so I'll drive by in the morning to see the rest of the damage.
That whole episode was something right out of a cartoon. Or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm still not sure which.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[steve1 5]

Too bad I don't live closer. I'd give you a hand. I still have three professional model saws from my younger days. This Urban Lumberjack guy kind of reminds me of a lot of timber-fallers I used to work with here in Montana. Most of them did look a lot like Grizzly Adams and most had several screws loose. I like to think I was at least a little more sane than most of them were. We'd get up at four, drive 80 miles on icy roads just to get there, then you'd work your rear off, (sometimes up to your waste in snow). Hopefully noone got killed or crippled that day, then we'd head for home hitting at least one bar, probably making a stop at the saw shop, spend about an hour trying to dig all the wood chips out of your ears and eyes while scrubbing off layers of pitch, and then get up the next day and do it all over again. God I'm glad I survived all that and don't have to log any more. And yes my name is Steve.

[freeflir29 0]

Michelle....that's what you get for living in California....

[hooligan 0]

it occoured to me...urban lumberjack steve is prolly the coolest guy in the world......at work today, i'm surley goin to make people pay me in leaves!