US. Deploys Very Special Forces to Iraq

[Zenister 0]

WASHINGTON, DC—Preparing for a showdown with Iraq, President
Bush deployed more than 15,000 very special U.S. forces to the
Persian Gulf Tuesday.

Bush said the objective of the mission, named Operation Great Job!,
is twofold: to force Saddam Hussein to comply with U.N. weapons
inspectors currently in the country, and to provide America's very
special forces with a positive, rewarding, esteem-building experience.

"With Operation Great Job!, we send the message loud and clear to
Saddam Hussein that his longtime defiance of the U.N. and international
law will not be tolerated," Bush said. "We also send the equally important
message to our own troops that what's important is not whether you
defeat the enemy, but that you try your best and have fun."
----------------
http://image1ex.villagephotos.com/extern/1086379.jpg

Above: Sgt. Tommy Dolber, who loves baseball and rollerskating,
leads a group of very special forces in maneuvers near the
Iraq-Kuwait border.
----------------

Added Bush: "Hooray, U.S. troops!"

At a Pentagon press conference, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
expressed confidence that the mission will be successful.

"I have full faith that our troops will do a terrific job in Iraq," Rumsfeld
said. "But even if they make a few mistakes, we'll still be very, very
proud of them."

Rumsfeld stressed that the safety of America's special forces is his
number-one priority. To reduce the risk of injuries, he has urged all U.S.
troops to tie their shoelaces "nice and tight."

"Whenever you're in a combat situation, there's inevitably going to be
some running involved," Rumsfeld said, "and the last thing we want is for
any of our soldiers to trip and fall."

Morale is said to be high among the very special forces, who were
flown Monday from Sheppard Air Force Base to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, in
a squadron of specially modified C-130 "short planes." Upon arriving, the
troops were given a thorough mission debriefing by Gen. James Herzog
and a butterscotch-pudding snack cup. Each soldier was then issued an
AR-15 rifle, three clips of NATO 5.56mm rounds, a combat helmet with a
velcro safety-strap, and a fanny pack with his name written on it in black
magic marker.

------------------
http://image1ex.villagephotos.com/extern/1086380.jpg

Above: A C-130 "short plane" transports a battalion of
very special forces to the Gulf.
------------------

"We are going to win the war," said Pvt. Richie Ammaker of
Hagerstown, MD, eating his snack cup with a Capri-Sun juice-pak. "I
love to clap and sing along to the music!"

"Col. Gene [Diering] says that if we take out the communications
tower in Al Basrah, we can have a pizza party," Pvt. Josh Paretsky of
Midland, TX, said. "Pizza party! Pizza party! Pizza party!"

"You're pretty," Paretsky added. "Will you marry me?"

Gen. Thomas Merritt, who is overseeing Operation Great Job!, said
the troops are thoroughly prepared for what lies ahead.

"We have gone over maneuvers and protocol in exhaustive detail,
and we have all marked down our special targets in our special
notebooks, "Merritt said. "The soldiers know they are not to wander off
from the group. They know they are to use inside voices when in enemy
territory. And they know they are to go to the bathroom prior to all
ground assaults. This group is ready."

Merritt went on to note that, despite the very special nature of the
mission, strict military discipline will be enforced, including mandatory
quiet-room "time-outs" for any soldiers who begin "acting out" or
displaying inappropriate behavior in combat situations.

According to Secretary of State Colin Powell, the length of the
mission depends upon the performance of the troops.

"Hopefully, all will go well, and our very special forces will be back
home within a week," Powell said. "But if there are setbacks, such as
soldiers losing their keys, having trouble staying on task, or forgetting
to take their pills, it could take longer."

Regardless of the outcome on the field of battle, Powell said
America's fighting forces will emerge as "big winners."

"These soldiers will have the chance to strike a blow for global
democracy and make lots of new friends in the process, so how could
they possibly lose?" asked Powell, who noted that every soldier who
participates in Operation Great Job! will receive a shiny medal. "This is
truly going to be a very special invasion."


---------------------------

you know i always had faith in the US Armys ability to use the right weapon for the job.

edit to make the links clicky..
the really funny thing, is i got this from another board i lurk at alot, and people are already starting to flame Bush over the qoutes

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[freeflir29 0]

So....they are sending the "Imperial 82nd Airborne" in huh? I almost spit Coke on the monitor when I opened the C-130 "Short Plane" pic.

[Scoby 0]

Yeah, The Onion always comes through. The funniest part has to be the yellow shortened C-130.

[Gawain 0]

Quote

http://image1ex.villagephotos.com/extern/1086379.jpg

Above: Sgt. Tommy Dolber, who loves baseball and rollerskating, ...

Reads like a personal ad

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[ECVZZ 0]

Quote

http://image1ex.villagephotos.com/extern/1086380.jpg

Above: A C-130 "short plane" transports a battalion of
very special forces to the Gulf.

Greg

[skycop 0]

How long will it take for some politically correct turd to get mad at this one!!!!
Personally, I'm both shocked and disappointed, I felt this way after I LMAO. I hope those boys kick ass and fell good during the attempt!!

"Just 'cause I'm simple, don't mean I'm stewpid!"

[rgoper 0]

this is very funny! it's good to see someone has a sense of humour!

--Richard--
"We Will Not Be Shaken By Thugs, And Terroist"