SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK

[f1freak 0]

1. CURL UP AND DIE........I walked into a hair Salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" - Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run
and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our
guest. Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
3. HO, HO, HO............. I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They
came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the
photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured
my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! - Name Withheld
4. LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store comparing different
kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
men's balls."- Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at the mall and passed by
a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the Checker got on the
intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE
THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In
a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
7. MOM'S ADVICE......... A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of
the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying
attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he
was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it
and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
the room. She went back to
investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed. "I did," he said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and Pick
me up from school.

HAVE FUN...
...JUST DONT DIE

[wmw999 2,589]

My cousin added this one:
When I was working for (xxx) Imaging Software I typed up a memo to send out to all off-site employees regarding their expense accounts. In order to make their reports easier to complete, I promised to mail out floppy dicks to everyone. Fortunately, although I cleared spell check without a problem, I had the sense that time to reread my memo and was saved in the nick of time!

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)