nubain1 0 #1 December 11, 2002 I never wanted to do this in the first place! I... I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! (piano vamp) Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With my best girl by my side! The Larch! The Pine! The Giant Redwood tree! The Sequoia! The Little Whopping Rule Tree! We'd sing! Sing! Sing! Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatree. On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered scones for tea. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, He goes to the lavatree. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered scones for tea. CHORUS I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. I put on women's clothing, And hang around in bars. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around.... In bars??????? CHORUS I chop down trees, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear papa. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels Suspenders and a .... a Bra???? (mounties break off song, and begin insulting lumberjack) Girl: (crying) I thought you were so rugged! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #2 December 11, 2002 cene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter. Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear. Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right. Man (to Waitress): Morning! Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning! Man: Well, what've you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam... Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam... Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Wife: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it. Wife: I don't want ANY spam! Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage? Wife: THAT'S got spam in it! Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it? Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines) Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!) Waitress: Shut up! Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam. Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam! Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam! Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words) Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #3 December 11, 2002 FREAK!!!!!!I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #4 December 11, 2002 Fight scene with the black knight: [Black Knight defeats a worthless-piece-of-shit-knight] ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [pause] I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Camelot. [pause] You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me? [pause] You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass. ARTHUR: What? BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass. ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge. BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die. ARTHUR: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside! BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man. ARTHUR: So be it! [hah] [parry thrust] [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off] ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch. ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm's off! BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't. ARTHUR: Well, what's that then? BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse. ARTHUR: You liar! BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy! [hah] [parry thrust] [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off] ARTHUR: Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc- [Black Knight kicks Arthur in the head while he is praying] BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then. ARTHUR: What? BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you! ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine. BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh? ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left. BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have. ARTHUR: Look! BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound. [Headbutts Arthur in the chest] ARTHUR: Look, stop that. BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken! ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg. Right! [whop] BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that! ARTHUR: You'll what? BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere! ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me? BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible! ARTHUR: You're a loony. BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. [whop] [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off] BLACK KNIGHT: All right; we'll call it a draw. ARTHUR: Come, Patsy. BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #5 December 11, 2002 Yes this is my pathetic attempt at post whoring. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lolie 0 #6 December 11, 2002 Bwah-hah-hah-hah!!! These bring back some great memories!!! I'm emailing one to a friend. (Spam spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam....) *Lolie begins crying because she's laughing so hard* -Miranda you shall above all things be glad and young / For if you're young,whatever life you wear it will become you;and if you are glad / whatever's living will yourself become. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #7 December 11, 2002 The KNights who say NEE!: OLD MAN: Ah, hee he he ha! ARTHUR: And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the grail? OLD MAN: Ha ha he he he he! ARTHUR: Where does he live? Old man, where does he live? OLD MAN: He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered. ARTHUR: And the Grail... The Grail is there? OLD MAN: Very much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed. ARTHUR: But the Grail! Where is the Grail!? OLD MAN: Seek you the Bridge of Death. ARTHUR: The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail? OLD MAN: Hee hee ha ha! Scene 13 HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! ARTHUR: Who are you? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say... Nee! ARTHUR: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee! HEAD KNIGHT: The same! BEDEMIR: Who are they? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Pang, and Nee-wom! RANDOM: Nee-wom! ARTHUR: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice! ARTHUR: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow! HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us. ARTHUR: Well, what is it you want? HEAD KNIGHT: We want... a shrubbery! [dramatic chord] ARTHUR: A what? HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! ARTHUR and PARTY: Oh, ow! ARTHUR: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery. HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive! ARTHUR: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice. ARTHUR: Of course. HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive. ARTHUR: Yes. HEAD KNIGHTS: Now... go! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #8 December 11, 2002 Bridge of death: KEEPER: Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. ROBIN: Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid. KEEPER: What is your name? ROBIN: Sir Robin of Camelot. KEEPER: What is your quest? ROBIN: To seek the Holy Grail. KEEPER: What is the capital of Assyria? ROBIN: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! KEEPER: Stop! What is your name? GALAHAD: Sir Galahad of Camelot. KEEPER: What is your quest? GALAHAD: I seek the Holy Grail. KEEPER: What is your favorite color? GALAHAD: Blue. No yel-- Auuuuuuuugh! KEEPER: Heh heh. Stop! What is your name? ARTHUR: It is Arthur, King of the Britons. KEEPER: What is your quest? ARTHUR: To seek the Holy Grail. KEEPER: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? ARTHUR: What do you mean? An African or European swallow? KEEPER: What? I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! BEDEMIR: How do know so much about swallows? ARTHUR: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #9 December 11, 2002 Nudge,Nudge,Wink,Wink: Man: 'Evening, squire! Squire: (stiffly) Good evening. Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon? M: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh? S: (flustered) Well, she sometimes "goes", yes. M: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge? S: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. M: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! S: Are you, uh,...are you selling something? M: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) M: Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE! S: Well, I, uh.... M: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay? S: Um, she likes sport, yes! M: I bet she does, I bet she does! S: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket. M: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around? S: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale. (pause) M: SAY NO MORE!! M: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire! S: I wasn't going to! M: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? "Photographs, ay", he asked him knowlingly? S: Photography? M: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more? S: Holiday snaps, eh? M: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography? S: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera. M: Oh. Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay? S: Look... are you insinuating something? M: Oh, no, no, no...yes. S: Well? M: Well, you're a man of the world, squire. S: Yes... M: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've "done it".... S: What do you mean? M: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady.... S: Yes.... M: What's it like? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #10 December 11, 2002 Beavis and Butthead Pick Up Lines: GUARANTEED EFFECTIVE PICKUP LINES 1.Uh, hey baby. 2.Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said "come." 3.You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let's like get into each other's life or whatever. 4.Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it. 5.Uh, get out of my car and into my dreams, baby. 6.What's your sign? Is it "Yield"? Huh huh huh huh. 7.Would you like carry my books for me? 8.If I said you were sexy, would you hold your body against me? 9.I can make you feel like I've never had sex before. 10.My lips are registered weapons. 11.I'm not trying to pick you up. You're like too heavy. Huh huh huh huh. Get it? 12.If I was the last man on Earth I bet we could do it in public. 13.If you need a love doctor, I have like a medicated degree. 14.If you ever had sex with a machine, that's what it's like with me. 'Cause I'm like a sex machine. 15.If you're really hot, I bet I can cool you down. 16.Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? 'Cause that's what I'm looking for. 17.Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me? 18.You may not be really hot, but I bet you like to do it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #11 December 11, 2002 Here are some Beavis & Butthead Quotes... "Whoa. Is this like the weather channel?" "Yeah, eh heh heh, the forecast is partially cool." Beavis & Butthead "This is Joey Buttafuoco's theme song." Beavis & Butthead (about Winger's "She's only 17") "These guys are cool - for a bunch of mimes." Beavis & Butthead (about Kiss) "Drums, guitar and Death. They finally got it right." Beavis & Butthead "Bootsie!" "Yeah, Bootsie's cool. Huh, huhhuhuh." "Bootsie! He's from outer space. Heh, henh, henh, henh." Beavis & Butthead "Tattoos are cool." "Yeah, I wish I was born with one." "You're not born with tattoos, dumbass. You get them when you join the navy." Beavis & Butthead "Is this satanic music?" "Naw. It's not cool enough." Beavis & Butthead (about "Devil Inside" by INXS) "I like to blow up lizards." "Eh heh heh, yeah. And I like to burn things." Beavis & Butthead "Skulls are cool" - Butthead "The future sucks. Change it." "I'm pretty cool Beavis, but I cannot change the future." Beavis & Butthead "Beavis, I thought you were daddie's little cutie." "Shut up Bunghole!" Beavis & Butthead (while watching Aerosmith's Ragdoll) "That's not funny, dumbass!" Beavis & Butthead "These guys are pretty cool - even though they're sixty." Beavis & Butthead (about Aerosmith) "I don't like video's that suck" Beavis & Butthead "I'm there dude." Beavis & Butthead "Hey Beavis. Guess where his hand's been." Beavis & Butthead (about Germaine Jackson's video) "You're a man? Eh heh heh, I don't think so." "He's not even a boy." Beavis & Butthead (about Boy George video) "Calm down Beavis. You're gonna soil your drawers." Beavis & Butthead "Where's the explosion?" "They never show the good stuff." Beavis & Butthead "Whoa! It's the President of England!" "Yeah, she jams!" Beavis & Butthead (About Queen Elizabeth II) "Whoa! We're there dude." Beavis & Butthead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #12 December 11, 2002 "Hey Beavis, let's pretend we're dead." "Yeah, eh heh heh, that would be cool." Beavis & Butthead "Look, I'm strokin' my wiener." Beavis & Butthead "These chicks look like guys." "Yeah. That one's not wearin' a bra." Beavis & Butthead (about Nelson) "Hey Butthead, do you think I'm beautiful?" Beavis & Butthead "If you're not a cartoon, Stove gass will kill you." Beavis & Butthead (Disclaimer) "College music sucks!" "Yeah. I guess it's only cool, if you, like, go to college." Beavis & Butthead "Everything I know, I learned from my Dad." "Yeah. Me too." "Really? You both have the same dad?" "We don't know. It's possible." Beavis & Butthead "Hey Beavis, let's rock!" Beavis & Butthead "I wish this video had some explosions." "That would be cool." Beavis & Butthead "I wish this video had some explosions. That would be cool." "Heh heh henh hmm heh. It does have some explosions. Heh henh hmm." "Fairies grant wishes. Huh huh heh huh hunh." Beavis & Butthead "Hey Beavis." "What?" "Your butt's weird lookin'." "Shut up!" "Heh huh, kinda looks like bologne." "Shut up!" Beavis & Butthead "He's smiling at you, Beavis." "Shut up, Butthead!" Beavis & Butthead (about George Michael in Wham video) "I hate words." "Words suck." "If I wanted to read, I'd go to school." Beavis & Butthead "Hammers are cool." "Yeah, I like to take hammers, and just break stuff, just break stuff." Beavis & Butthead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #13 December 11, 2002 Quote 9.I can make you feel like I've never had sex before Now, now, we musn't pick on Viking Quote I have like a medicated degree. the besst kind of degree to have I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 20 #14 December 11, 2002 Post whoring is bad..... It brings out hot forks and other things that leave great marks of pain and shame on those its weilded against...Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #15 December 11, 2002 Quote Post whoring is bad..... It brings out hot forks and other things that leave great marks of pain and shame on those its weilded against... I am the Great Cornholio...Are you threating me?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jose 0 #16 December 11, 2002 Do you have any TP? TP for my Bunggghollllle? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #17 December 11, 2002 QuoteDo you have any TP? TP for my Bunggghollllle?heh,you said bunghole. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rookeskydiver 0 #18 December 11, 2002 oh my mutha f%@ken goodness, give me a greaken break PCSS # 1 Rookeskydiver "Its a Wonka Bar"....."Go ahead Charlie open it, lets see that golden ticket" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #19 December 11, 2002 the best bevis qoute (rarely are the subtle but) while watching Black Sabbath -Iron Man "these guys rock! are the from like europe" "no dumbass they're from seattle"____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
