DZBone 0 #1 December 13, 2002 (please forgive the stereotyped gay character, he fit the bill...) Carl's Great Boxer Adventure... 'Kay, so there I was, looking at all these different choices. No plain, simple, cotton that I could find. Satin, yes, black sure, tiger patterns, golf tees, camel heads...and I kept looking for the cup....I am gonna pay how much for these? So there I am, feeling like a bull in a china shop. Standing there, looking at these wanabee shorts...the Macy's guy is looking at me. I'm giving him the evil eye...I'm wondering, boxers or briefs? There's the display - Alfani, DKNY, Calvin, JoeBoxers (??? - now that's a moronic name...). The Christmas stuff is up, so it's all red/green/plaid. Some have bells. Ribbons....one has fake mistletoe on it. I get the mental image of Santa Claus in boxers. I start to chuckle. Snort a bit. The Macy's guy is coming over. I'm laughing my ass off. "Is there something I can help you with?" he asks... So I tell him about the three day boxer challenge, and he nods sagely, but he has no idea, you can see that "oh great, another breeder" look in his eyes. He tells me all about boxers...which are comfortable, which his boyfriend likes, which his father wears. "I can't feel anything when I wear them" he says. I stand there, and try to "feel" my underwear. I can't feel my good ol' jockey whities either....I nod along, wondering what on earth the $9 + tax actually buys me. I ask him is the sizing is different from regular briefs...and he considers me, puzzled. "I don't know" he finally answers. Then I try to figure out if one actually tries these on or not. The mental picture strikes me: standing in the accessories department, trying boxers on over jeans, in a city where I live and work....nawp. Ain't gonna happen. Finally someone needs some help finding socks or something, so he leaves me be. I wander over to the on-sale table, and start looking through those for something which is cotton, no lace or (heaven forbid) bell-ridden. I see some in my size, and look at them. There is a reason they are in the sale section...these have palm trees, designs, words, slogons, logos on them. Now, I'm paying enough for these as it is, screw them putting their advertising on it. Plus, if some chick is near enough to see this stuff, she won't be reading my shorts, if you get my drift....but I digress... I get 5 of them to buy, in two sizes, because I won't try them on. "Ohhhhhh, nice selection" says the sales clerk, "but I like the SpongeBob ones more". He's nice, and young, but kind of fruity. Whatever. I pay for them, and get home. Today I try them out. And I have to say, not too bad. A little, um, "lacking", inasmuch as my tools are well secured...but not too bad. What's weirdest is that I was wearing jeans all day, and really feel loose and free, whereas I haven't before. There was a few moments where I experienced "droppage", tho. How does one delicately and in public make the necessary adjustments to deal with droppage? We shall see what we shall see.... Day Two It's Friday, and I ain't got nothing to do - I'm gonna go get...oh, wait, that's the wrong quote. It's friday, and I have jury duty and hopefully can get to the office. Because it is more of an "official" day then yesterday, I wear a three-piece suit. Yes, this also means a tie. I choose the boxers I will wear, and force on the designated outfit. The slacks are not straight cut, but they're not pleated, either...there are stairs at the courthouse, and as I walk up the stairs, I am incredibly conscious of the women behind me. I don't think they see anything, bummer...that awareness was something I wasn't prepared for. Then I think about it. If I was in regular undies, would I have even thought about that? I smirk, because I don't think so. I am very aware of my...equipment in the boxers - and this is not necessarily a bad thing...I sit in the jury room, and wait...wait...wait. The slacks are bothering me more than usual, and droppage is apparent. I still haven't figured out how to make the adjustments in public, so it's either run to the john regularly, or shift in my seat, hoping I stumble on the trick. Neither works. Off to the office I go, having been released from service. Meeting with new clients and the lender is uneventful... however, I am quite aware of being cold in places I am not accustomed to being cold at. I am starting to see chairs in a whole new light. Time to head home and change. I get out in a brief respite from the rain, in sweats, and go for my walk. The tackle follows my example, and goes for their own walk. Now, not only is there droppage in public, there is droppage while I am walking on the same path where the local cheerleaders are having a car wash. Cool. I am distracted from my distraction of these chicks running around wet and soapy. I can't even pay any attention to them, 'cause if I do, there's nothing gonna hold me down... Day Three Off to work I go, jeans again because I am showing houses in the rain. The leather seats in my car are cold this morning. Droppage is going on, and as it is a looser pair then the other two days, it seems a little more "aggressive" than the other incidents of droppage....I discover that getting in and out of the car, if I do it "correctly" (not like Prince Charles was taught, thank you very much) rearranges this baggy, slippery cloth I liberally have called underclothes. In and out of the car I go, practicing this new found skill, seeing how I could NEVER do it that way in shorts, unless I want the valet guys to really, really like me. Not that there's anything wrong with that.... We approach the last house on our list, pouring rain, and get out. I slip getting out of the car, so intent on getting faster at the nut pinch slide, that I end up stepping into a puddle, and soaking my feet. Undaunted, I pretend that's what I meant to do...as we approach the walkway, there is a little mud. Not much. Just enough. This mud reaches out, grabs my foot, and yanks it out from underneath me....splat, there I go, in the mud, onto my ass. Thank God I've had bad landings skydiving - I knew not to put my hands out, just let my butt take it. Scramble to my feet, mudcovered jeans clinging to my loose package. It's really, really cold and clammy. The wife starts to brush off the back of my sweatshirt, and the husband brushes her off brushing me off. Cool. I brush myself off, readjust myself, and realize that the horse is completely out of its stall. We get into the house, and I immediately head for the bathroom, get droppage control done, wash the dirt off my hands. I rejoin my clients, and I manage to re-eastablish some apparent professionalism. But perhaps not as much as I would like. He is huffy, and he is smiling... Done for the day, so I come home. I walk in the house, and yank off the dirty clothes, toss them into the "not re-wearable" pile, and am now sitting in a flannel shirt and sweats...nothing else. My ass hurts. Conclusion 1. It will take me more than three days to get used to these. I don't remember having to get used to regular briefs as a kid... 2. I think that there will be times it will be cool to wear them. Perhaps that time is not on rainy days, in the wind, working out, or showing clients. But there is a good time and place for them. From here on out, there will be both in my clean hamper. 3. I am psyched about this major step in my personal growth - trying something new for myself, as dorky as this experiment would seem to the guys, it shows that habits are decisions made at some point, and don't necessarily have to be continued unless actively chosen to, or whatever... 4. My boys need a home. Oh, Junkyard Wars is on... _________________________________________________ If you hadn't read this, would it have made a sound? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #2 December 13, 2002 Carl, you gigantic skydiving oaf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You suck - but only in the nicest possible way...(that's a joke nowadays here....). Gawd, it's good to see you. You've been away farrrrrrr too long... Thought your Boxer story was funny, although as this is the woman's forum, you may get moved to Talk Back. Despite the Thong Adventure getting a little offtopic, it didn't start that way.... It's great to see you. You need to get a photo of Jackson up. The one in the pool is cute.... Oh, and I vote for the tiger prints. Doreen would, well, love them! (edit: That was a fast move....and still very funny. "Droppage" - who'd'a thunk it????????????) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grega 0 #3 December 13, 2002 Quote Gawd, it's good to see you. You've been away farrrrrrr too long... I think i heard that before, but can't remember where. sorry you two, i couldn't resist "George just lucky i guess!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DZBone 0 #4 December 13, 2002 Gigantic? Hey! I know the jumpsuit is a little tight these days, but jeez... Pictures of Jackson (and once in awhile, other stuff, like there has been anything else...) How is everybody, or is that a different thread.. don't want to break any new etiquette here... (edit: hey, who changed all the markup? my muscle memory is confused!...) _________________________________________________ If you hadn't read this, would it have made a sound? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #5 December 13, 2002 Quote Reply to this post, or I'll shoot this dog. That is coffee on the keyboard I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DZBone 0 #6 December 13, 2002 . _________________________________________________ If you hadn't read this, would it have made a sound? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #7 December 13, 2002 Great story! I must know, is this fact based? I mean, the decision to broaden the wardrobe per se? So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikkif 0 #8 December 13, 2002 Gawain, cross-reference. Freedom -- Expression -- Spirit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quatorze 1 #9 December 13, 2002 Quote Gawain, cross-reference. Go on girl, 70 posts and you have already mastered the gossamer thread title I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #10 December 13, 2002 I should've known better...thanks! So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mikkif 0 #11 December 13, 2002 Quote Go on girl, 70 posts and you have already mastered the gossamer thread title lol! It's actually not much different than phpBB, a board I have an intimate relationship with, let's say. Freedom -- Expression -- Spirit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
