skygal3 0 #26 December 16, 2002 Quote I can't believe adult would doom themselves to living unhappily I have to laugh because I read this, and then I got an email from my mother...this is what happens when adults doom themselves to living together unhappily: "did you have a good day? it was so dead at work, makes for a long day. we bought our christmas tree tonight. dad wanted to go to dinner, and i wanted the tree. the tree won. it smells good. be careful, i have to do wash(he couldnt be bothered) and then i have to take a shower. love me" this is why I don't go home... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mindcake 0 #27 December 16, 2002 I asked him if he could see himself spending the rest of his life with this person and he said NO! I replied with: why then would you even consider getting married? He then said he felt trapped, and that he feels like he would be letting people down somehow. I replied: yes, you are letting someone down....yourself, you deserve to be happy...we all do. he didden't sound real good at this point and then I had to take a business call. I have now decided that I did my part as a friend, if he stays with her I will not see him again (I did not tell him this). It is too tough to see him this depressed and I will hound him to leave her (driving us both nuts) if he stays with her. Many relationships are marked by a defining moment, this is one of those moments. I will miss my friend of 14+ years, but if he chooses the same path as he has done twice before I will have to stay away. Jim Don´t belive the hype Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #28 December 16, 2002 Quote It is too tough to see him this depressed and I will hound him to leave her (driving us both nuts) if he stays with her. Whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt? Hello, is this thing on? What part of being a friend did you NOT learn? You don't leave someone who's depressed and that you've stated you're worried is gonna do something self destructive alone. You don't abandon him right now because its "too tough". You're not a wimp, I don't think. But you don't come first right now - HE does. Sorry, but this has really upset me. If I were your friend, and you did this to me, it would make me feel totally vulnerable, alone, MORE depressed and more likely to do something stupid to make sure I was loved - namely, marrying someone who was not right for me. You're not being a real good friend here, imho. Friends stick with you when you're having a bad time - and they don't abandon you when it gets "tough". Dewd, rethink the whole situation. Phew. Sorry if that's harsh. It's only my opinion, do as you will. It's your life. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suz 0 #29 December 16, 2002 Jim...I've got the exact same situation here!!! but she married the cock. I told her bluntly that he was no good for her. But she still married him. That was four months ago. She comes over almost every week, in tears...I hold her hand and listen to her, offer to take her to the cops, coz he had abused her (pegging objects at her car when she takes off in the middle of a argument) I've giving her my bed for the night and clothes to wear, because he wont let her in the house. And she still goes back to him. Three bits of advice for you... *You cant help someone, when they dont want to be helped. *Love is blind....Although. I think she's in denial. *Always be there for her, what ever your opinion is... I hope this helps Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mindcake 0 #30 December 16, 2002 when I say self destructive I mean get stupid drunk for a week or something similar...not suicide or the like big sigh I want to be there for him but when do you finally say enough is enough? 5,6, ten? how many time do I have to watch this happen to him? It is tough, you can see it very early on in his romantic relationships, there is some quality that he looks for. I know of no other person who can pick a looser every time! it's like a disease he cant get rid of. I will still be there for him (and always will) but I won't be around like I used to be, not like I used to be. It cant be healthy for us to be around each other (me,him and the woman), that is a bad vibe waiting to happen. Jim Don´t belive the hype Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suz 0 #31 December 16, 2002 Well. I was in this situation about a year ago. I was with a guy for three years. And I was in denial about the whole relationship. (I just thought that somehow, things would get better by itself) then one weekend I was asked to go on a hens weekend. It was an eye opener for me. I had time alone to think about my relationship, and my friends were honest with me and said that I could do so much better then him. I made the decision and I got home and told him two weeks later.... Not deliberately, it took me that long to build up the confidence to tell him. What I'm trying to say is, why don't you take him away for a couple of days, where he's out of reach of his fiance'? give him time to gather his thoughts.... leave all his worries at home. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mindcake 0 #32 December 16, 2002 I would love to but it is a lil more complicated, I his girlfriends boss, we all work at the same company, me and my bud are managers at diff stores and the woman is my asst manager (I should say I have no problem with her work, she does her job, she is better than most asst mgrs in the company). She wants to take the same days off as her man and she wont let him go out without her...ever. If I were to make her take different days off then I will get accused of trying to break them up (happened before). He wasent even allowed to go hunting (a big thing in Michigan) with anyone but her family. But if you have anything else I am open to suggestions Jim Don´t belive the hype Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suz 0 #33 December 16, 2002 shot gun Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mindcake 0 #34 December 16, 2002 Quoteshot gun Sorry, I am non-violent and could only kill if my life depended on it. Jim Don´t belive the hype Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suz 0 #35 December 16, 2002 I was only joking.... It was a quicker way of saying that I have no other options for you. I just hope I can help out trying to make the situation a little less stressful for you. Sorry you never found it funny. This heat is melting my brain. Hope I can make it up to you by finding this skydiver for you. Chin up! Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
