you know your best friend is going to marry the wrong person....do you tell them?

[Mindcake 0]

My best friend is going to propose to the WRONG person on christmas. This person has a history of choosing the most controling people I know. I(and other friends) have dropped hints that (you are doing it again) but to no avail. Every time our friend wants out the other person goes beserk and thows themselves on the ground in a little fit (it's pathetic really). If anyone can help me save this person from themself then tell me how!


Jim

Don´t belive the hype

[lewmonst 0]

you can try to tell them, but that sounds like something that person is going to have to figure out on there own for it to really change his approach to relationships.

http://www.exitshot.com

[Sonic 0]

See the thread in the BASE forum about stopping someone from BASE jumping. Similar sort of thing. Basic reply was "you can't stop them, just tell them how you feel".

-----------------------------------
It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone

[narcimund 0]

I lost a friend of 18 years because of his marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons at the wrong time. Actually, to be fair, our friendship ended because of the qualities he has that led him to do this, among other thoughtless and destructive things.

I have no answer. Just sympathy.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[bbarnhouse 0]

I expressed my "concerns" to my friend.....2 years later they divorced...imagine that.

[dzdiva 7]

So true...you can't stop them. Just be there for them when the shit hits the fan....that's all you can do.

"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..."

[FliegendeWolf 0]

Quote

So true...you can't stop them. Just be there for them when the shit hits the fan....that's all you can do.

And cut out your tongue if you feel tempted to say "I told you so."

A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All

[Mindcake 0]

It is soooooo tough being his friend sometimes. I watched his ex-wife treat him like shit, he put her through grad school and she left him right after graduation, his next love was a fatal attraction type...you know threatened his friends, destroyed property to show her love for him etc etc...and this one is controlling and a FA type. man it hurts to see someone go through this shit...


Jim

Don´t belive the hype

[dzdiva 7]

Yoouuuu got it!!!

"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..."

[fasterfaller 0]

Plant seeds of doubt and if your friend is smart they will figure it out .

[MrHixxx 0]

You probably can't outright tell them, but you can show them by voicing concerns and asking questions about it.

-Hixxx

death,as men call him, ends what they call men
-but beauty is more now than dying’s when

[rhino 0]

Friends back friends decisions.. If he wants to marry her that is his decision.The last thing he needs is a best friend instilling doubt.

Back your friend.. If it doesn't work get drunk with your friend. But back him regardless...


Rhino

[Gawain 0]

While the decision is his, and his alone, if you and your friends really see a bad situation in the making then collectively you could intervene.

This is a suggestion only. Regardless of what happens, supporting him before, during and after he ties the knot, or, before, during and after he breaks if off, is where your friendship will shine through all of it.

I had to tell my best friend once about a terrible mistake he was making with a young woman. The response I got was a "F*(K YOU, JUST F*(K YOU!!". While that soured things for a while, he did find out, through his own accord that my admonishment to him was sound. We're still best friends (close to 17 years now).

Bottom line, don't stop being his friend.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[bobsled92 0]

No one warned me about that.
Although it now seems as clear has "HEy! don't put your dick in that ice crusher!"
/////////////////////////"Point>Counter point:"They bought the tickets,
They knew what they were getting into...
I say, Let them crash!"
-Airplane.

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[jtval 0]

you could just put a hit out on her!

does that work for all you non-italians? hmm

My photos

My Videos

[spinmaster 0]

Point out this simple little thought:

If this is the right person, if this the right thing to do, if this is so special...then why get married on Christmas? Why do you need the biggest holiday of the year to make your wedding special? If it was so special to begin with, any day would do and you'd think you'd want your own day for that.

Be blunt; tell your friend that anyone who gets married on Christmas is propping up that relationship.

I'm guy and even I know that getting married on X-mas leads to X-marriages.

How cheesy

[Vallerina 2]

One of my best friends is going to marry a guy that is in love with someone else (we all know it, she doesn't) and he used to go around grabbing other girls' boobs. It's her first boyfriend, so my guess is that she thinks she can't do better. I never really intruded, but I have left numerous hints at why he's a jerk (too many to list here.) Love is blind and stupid. You can't change someone's dumbass feelings. She either has to figure it out on her own, or live in a no fun marriage for the rest of her life.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[nubain1 0]

Tell them that you heard from a reliable source such as a doc the the person your friend is going to propose to has a case of the clap so bad it sounds like a sold out concert.

[Antithesis 0]

I have had two friends and a brother that I believed married the wrong person. It was so important to them that I approoved of their relationship. I knew that they were not right for eachother and I knew that the relationships would end in disaster. Face it though... Love is BLIND. When I saw each of them togather All they talked about was wedding plans and their future. Although it was important to have my blessing I realized that they would not listen. I dropped hints, tried talking to each of them... They avoided the seriousness of the conversation. The bottom line was that I realized that it's their life and their decision.. They had to live with it... They did. The best thing that I could come up with is that "if they are happy togather than I am happy for them"

I travel the land, Work in the ocean, Play in the sky

[Samurai136 0]

I could pay them a visit. For some reason I have a knack for talking people out of getting married.

Once, my friend proposed to his girlfriend of 5 years on his birthday. She said yes. They announced at a big summer party a few weeks later that they would be married next year.

I said, " So, Angie, this means you've got a year to get out of it?" Angie laughed uncontrolably for 15 seconds, "Yeah!"

My friend shot me the coldest look of death. 4 months later they broke off the engagement, got separate homes and never got married.

The power of reasonable suggestion.


Ken

"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian
Ken

[happythoughts 0]

"My best friend is going to propose to the WRONG person on christmas. "

In your opinion... You can discuss your concerns, but ultimately, it's their decision. "I see this behaviour in your fiance. Does that concern you?"

I have met couples that were perfect for each other. Life got in the way, happiness waned, divorce happened. Perfect/imperfect? Let them live their own life. It depends on what you place the weight on. What has the most significance to you. This person may have a private life that you know nothing about. They may have different things that they place value on.

Remember that you are an outsider. Have you ever heard someone say "No, my SO doesn't want a drink." Are they being controlling? Do you know the reasons behind what they say or do? Let them be adults and make their own decisions.

My ex and I had a situation where an outsider said I was being controlling. They thought my ex should have more freedom. She does now. I resent the interference of the outsider. That person continues to interfere in the lives of others because that person evaluates how the lives of others should be run. Probably the only skydiver who I have a significant problem with.

[quatorze 1]

the best advice my grandmother ever gave was that the best way to lose a friend is to tell them something for their own good. I guess I would let them make the decision make sure that when it falls apart they don't have to pick up the pieces alone

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[Mindcake 0]

Quote

the best advice my grandmother ever gave was that the best way to lose a friend is to tell them something for their own good.

I watched my mother ignore the fact that her best friend got the shit beat out of her by a asshole husband a couple times a week, not once did she suggest that we had a place for her friend if she wanted out of the relationship. If he cant accept that his friends care about him and are just looking out for him then why are we all friends? I think people like to be friends with people who have their best intrests in mind, I belive that if they are truly a friend that they want your opinion. If you do nothing but agree with someone, even when you know that they are wrong, are you really a friend? I think not.

I told him how I felt (obviously), I am worried that he might be ready to do something self-destructive, he said he feels trapped and cant find a way out of the relationship


Jim

Don´t belive the hype

[Jessica 0]

Quote

I told him how I felt (obviously), I am worried that he might be ready to do something self-destructive, he said he feels trapped and cant find a way out of the relationship

WHAT???????

"I want to break up."

It's that fucking simple! I can't believe adult would doom themselves to living unhappily to AVOID HURTING SOMEONE'S FEELINGS! GOOD GOD!


There are other choices:

"This isn't working for me anymore."

"It's not me, it's you." (Hee hee.)

"I have chronic pubic lice."

Skydiving is for cool people only

[wmw999 2,588]

Quote

I told him how I felt (obviously), I am worried that he might be ready to do something self-destructive, he said he feels trapped and cant find a way out of the relationship

Telling him is good. You give him your feelings, and he does with them what he will. You have to release your feelings once you've done that.

If he's getting married because he feels trapped, that's a real shame. Ask him if his life would look better if he were to just get a new job in another city and move away. It might make him think about what he's going to do with his life.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)