advice

[freebird 0]

I have a little girl. She is 7. Although she lives with her grandparents ( for now) she is still the most important thing in my life next to my husband and his little girl.
Anyway my problem is dealing with the fact that skydiving does have risk factors and I have been feeling guilty when I jump. I feel like Im being seflish and that as I continue to jump that I must not care much about my child, that loves me very much and very much needs me in her life. ( her father is a dead beat dad) never sends a birhday card or anything for Christmas)

I love this sport and it changed my life in a positive way. My attitude spills over into other aspects of my life that I get from jumping and makes me a happier and better person. I just can not get over feeling guilty because I have a child. Anyone else have this problem?
I believe that Im a very safe jumper. I double check but shit can happen and I know that although Im confident in my skills but I can not control acts of god . Should I sacrifice what I love? I think I would become depressed and never be happy like I am as I continue to include jumping in my life. I just feel guilty when I do it, I do love skydiving and if it were just me I accept the risks that go along with jumping. Should my 7 year old have to also accept that?.

[skymama 37]

I think it's natural for all parents to have the same thoughts. But this sentence that you wrote says it all:

"I love this sport and it changed my life in a positive way. My attitude spills over into other aspects of my life that I get from jumping and makes me a happier and better person."

I think you'll be a much better parent if you're happy. That said, there are things you can do to reduce your risk such as keeping a conservative wingloading, not jumping in high winds, not doing hook turns, etc., so hopefully you'll be around for a very long time for your daughter.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[freebird 0]

"I love this sport and it changed my life in a positive way. My attitude spills over into other aspects of my life that I get from jumping and makes me a happier and better person." ***
Yes this is so true...... so true.

[ladyskydiver 0]

I agree with SkyMama - stay conservative.

And, in all reality, just being alive is dangerous. You could kill yourself falling in the tub trying to take a shower. You could get in a car accident and be killed, etc. There are no guarantees in life - how long you'll live, etc. Just let her know (which I'm sure you do), how much you love her. Then, no matter when, doing what, etc. you go - be it tomorrow or 50 years from now - she'll always know that she had your love.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[Vallerina 2]

For me, I try not to do things that I can't fully accept the worst possible outcome for. Always prepare for the worst.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[freebird 0]

I have done that all my life. Actually skydiving enhances my positive outlook on life. I think if I get over this guilt that I have a lot of potential in the sport.
Maybe I need a shrink to help me continue jumping
I can't see myself quiting that would kill my soul.

[RevJim 0]

I have 4 children. 11 (boy), 8 and 6 (girls), and 3(boy).

I am a very good father to them, and they know what Dad does for his weekend fun. The 3 year old is always practicing his arch on the barstools here. The 6 year old could care less, and both the 11 and 8 year olds are pissed because time is moving so slow for them to hit 18!

I am honest with my children. You really need to be. All hear me, and I think even the 3 (almost 4) year old understands. I placed the comparison with my losing my Grandfather last year (their Grampa Great), so they know what I mean by "Not coming back".

I tell them, and they see, how much I love this sport, but I gently remind them before every trip to the dZ, that "You know, I love you, but you need to remember Daddy may not come home. I really plan on coming home, but you never know."

This sounds mean, but it is the truth, and it is bluntly honest. If for some reason I do not make it back from a jump, they will of course be in pain for me, but they will always remember I told them how much I loved them, and that I knew I may not make it back some day.

If you can't be honest with your kids or S.O. maybe you can't be honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, there may be a deeper problem.

The fact will always remain that this is a very deadly sport. Don't sugar coat it. Be honest with youself, as well as everyone around you. Then go out and live life, instead of just watching it go by.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[skymama 37]

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You could kill yourself falling in the tub trying to take a shower.

That's funny, I use the same analogy for my mom because she thinks I'm going to die skydiving. I keep telling her it won't be from skydiving since that's what she expects, it will be from slipping on the soap in the shower.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[freeflir29 0]

Just buy some really good life insurance. That way...you burn in...she cashes in. Why feel guilty?

[Muenkel 0]

Andrea,

I totally agree with what you have said. If you use your head, this sport is statistically safe.

Now, what do you parents do if your child expresses a fear of you skydiving?

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[RevJim 0]

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If you use your head, this sport is statistically safe.

Wrong thread for this Chris, but I'll add a small remark.

This sport has 2 possible outcomes on each and every jump. Life, or Death. There is no inbetween.

You could do everything wrong and live to tell about it.

you could do everything right, to the best of your abilities, and still die.

Don't sugar coat it. This sport is NOT safe, and nobody should ever be led to believe it is.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[GrumpySmurf 0]

Just don't buy too much, lest you find your closing loop cut 90% of the way through and the reserve rip cord chopped as well. Never know with kids these days, especially when they become teenagers.

[Vallerina 2]

Whether you think it's safe or not, you can still die even if you do everything right (have you not heard that before?) If you are uncomfortable with that, think things through. The sky is always there. There's no need to feel guilty about it.

Sure, you can die doing anything. But, driving, household hazards are pretty much unavoidable and accepted by society/family. Skydiving is avoidable. There is too much else to worry about while skydiving to add on guilt to that.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[freebird 0]

"You know, I love you, but you need to remember Daddy may not come home. I really plan on coming home, but you never know." ***
I think its wonderful that you are so honest.
Each situation is different and my daughter is an only child. If I said that to her it would break her heart and I do not think she would ever stop crying.She is not ready to hear that now. Her grandmother that is helping me reer her is not a stable person.

What if you were the only person in your childrens life? Would that make a difference?

Also Im not saying I want to quit. I just think I would be a better jumper if I did not have the guilt I carry with me, guilt for having a good time.

[Muenkel 0]

Neither is skiing, but it is more mainstream. I can't tell you how many times I came within an inch of hitting a tree skiing...quite deadly. I may have worded my statement wrong. The real question I was asking though, is what do you parents do when your child is frightened for you?

_________________________________________
Chris

[skymama 37]

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Now, what do you parents do if your child expresses a fear of you skydiving?

My daughter does express a fear of me skydiving. But, I explain to her that I could die every day doing a number of different things. And I also explain to her the measures I am taking to remain a conservative jumper. I don't know how much of it is actual fear, and how much of it is her not wanting to like anything I like just because she's 14 and at that age.

On another note, one day I was out riding a bike on a trail while my son was roller blading. Sometimes when he jumped over sticks and stuff, or went really fast and spun around, I would automatically yell out, "watch out" or "be careful", and I kept getting the "moooooom!" response out of him. I told him that I was going to worry about him even when he's an adult and doing these things, so he had better just get used to it. He replied, "mom, if I'm doing things that worry you, then that only means that I'm living my life to its fullest, and that's what you keep telling me to do". He shut me up pretty well.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[freebird 0]

Just buy some really good life insurance. That way...you burn in...she cashes in. Why feel guilty? ***
Well I have done that but that can't replace the loss of a mommy to a little girl. We have a good relationship too. My mom and I NEVER did.

[dex 0]

>For me, I try not to do things that I can't fully accept the worst possible outcome for. Always prepare for the worst.

While I think it is always important to be mindful of the worse possible outcome it's not always reasonable for me to prepare for it. I'm a young guy and I'm not ready to die yet. Not ready to do a low turn into the ground and not ready to be killed by a drunk on the road. Yet I still jump out of airplanes and I still drive late at night when the drunk -> sober ratio is like 80 to 20....

The risk you take when skydiving is an optional one and I think that's what makes it difficult for people. Most people HAVE to drive a car... few HAVE to skydive (I might be starting a flame war here by saying few HAVE to skydive hehe)

As for the guilt the only way I could think to try and reduce it would be to use it to remind yourself to be ever vigilant about the safety of yourself and those around you. Most incident reports I have read still involve people making mistakes and getting into bad situations IMHO the "act of god" risk of skydiving is about the same as anything. It's still the mistakes that safe skydivers make that get them in trouble. It's also important to remember that almost every skydiver considers themselves a safe skydiver even us safe skydivers need to always keep current and review every "what if" scenario they can.

[wildblue 7]

if you're worried about it, take a few years off until she's old enough to take care of herself, in case something does happen to you.
.... but if she's staying with your parents... I'm not sure I understand - she doesn't really depend on you for material stuff, right? So... it's not like if you die she's going to freeze to death on the street. Where's the problem?

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[RevJim 0]

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I think its wonderful that you are so honest.
Each situation is different and my daughter is an only child. If I said that to her it would break her heart and I do not think she would ever stop crying.She is not ready to hear that now.

If she is not ready to hear that now, and something happens to you tomorrow, what will she think when she's 12? 18? 30? The line needs to be drawn somewhere. She may cry, but that also depends on how she is told. Would you rather her Grandmother tell her that her mother was a crazy, and she died doing something stupid, that nobody in their right mind would do, or would you explain to her how much you love the sport, and hope she understands as she gets older?

Quote

What if you were the only person in your childrens life? Would that make a difference?

Not at all. Honesty is always the best policy. It allows you to convey your thoughts and feelings in an open way. If you are worried that being the only person in a childs life means that if something happens to you, she has nothing, then you changed the subject. If I were literally the only thing my children had, and they needed me to be there, then I most likely would not be jumping. If I died, they would have nothing, and I couldn't bear the thought of them being orphans, when I could have avoided it by not jumping, at least until they were older. This point is also what makes me thankful that my wife has NO desire to ever jump.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Vallerina 2]

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I'm a young guy and I'm not ready to die yet. Not ready to do a low turn into the ground and not ready to be killed by a drunk on the road.

I guess, despite my age, I am "ready" to die. I would much rather live, and I do everything I can to live (hell, I've even started being healthy with diet and exercise!) However, if something happens while skydiving, driving, going through Gary, IN, I'm okay with that. I would feel bad for family/friends, since some of them may not be "ready" for me to die. However, I know the risks, and I can accept them. If someone told me that I had one day left to live, it really wouldn't break my heart.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[RevJim 0]

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However, if something happens while skydiving, driving, going through Gary, IN, I'm okay with that.

I solved part of that by not going through Gary, IN. Why would anyone actually want to go through there?

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Vallerina 2]

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I solved part of that by not going through Gary, IN. Why would anyone actually want to go through there?

To save myself time when driving back from Merrillville! And, so that I can go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight. Yes, driving through Gary at midnight....

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[RevJim 0]

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To save myself time when driving back from Merrillville! And, so that I can go see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight. Yes, driving through Gary at midnight....

OK, People, we have succeded in finding a skydiver with a death wish, even if the wish has nothing to do with skydiving!

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Vallerina 2]

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OK, People, we have succeded in finding a skydiver with a death wish, even if the wish has nothing to do with skydiving!

And that was just in high school! You should see what I've moved on to now!

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning