JumpNFly 0 #26 December 27, 2002 QuoteI am right there with you my friend. I almost didn't go home for X-mas because of an argument we had 2 days ago. I'm hanging in with the 2 of ya... gotten a letter every week for the past 2 months from my dad, telling me what he thinks is wrong with me... lovely how they find all of our faults... Hang in guys... we've always got one another The key to walking on water... Is knowing where the rocks are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #27 December 27, 2002 Sure,,, many times, disagreements with parents are tough to deal with........especially difficult if some of the criticism is accurate.....Children are quick to accept the benefits of family life, such as food, shelter, clothing, toys, etc... but slow to accept the responsibilities, that come along with it...such as pitching in around the house, treating the parents, with SOME degree of respect, communicating just a little,,,and yes... once in a while showing some appreciation.......If such behavior does not get established early in life,,, then as a person grows older,,, it's easy to say,,, "My 'old man,, or My Mom," just don't get it.... THEY treat me bad,, THEY don't understand me. THEY constantly rag on me.etc. etc. ... Well it all depends on the track record of both parties...If a child is only motivated to do things which are self centered, if a child puts their own pleasures before the good of the family, if a child is so "independent" that he or she comes and goes as they please at an early age,,, disregarding their parents requests,advice and opinions,,, then yeah,,, sure,,, a rift will be created,, which can most definately carry into adulthood.....but unless a parent is a real poor role model, unless a parent is derelict in his or her responsibilities and unless a parent is violent,,,many times the problem can be created and yes exacerbated by the "me me me" child.....I am a Father for 19 years,, and a son for 49,,, and have seen both sides of the issue, and have seen the parent/child relationship at it's best and at it's worst. Usually the one who is bitchin' the most ,,,, is contributing the least.......Step up and be a responsible family member at all times....and sometimes that might mean accepting the fact that some of the complaints that parents have ,,,,,, just might be justified...No one is a saint.... all the time... parents are wrong sometimes and kids are wrong sometimes,,,,,still there are far to many children, who see their folks as simply a bank book, and supplier of housing, or the people they have to "deal with" until they can get out of the house, and get with their "real friends".......yet when they make stupid decisions or when they do disappointing things,, or when they fail,,or when they put out a minimum of effort,,,, and then slink "back home" to the security" of their parents' house and slam the bedroom door shut...,,,,,they wonder why the father is steamed...Until one becomes a parent themselves,,,,, it is best to be less judgemental, more cooperative,, and yes,,, even willing to compomise,,, by listening and rationally interpreting what is being said......If a child IS unsuccesful ( a VERY hard term to define and an equally hard thing to admit) or "throws away" money,,,or is unwilling to work,,, or does little to contribute to some type of healthy relationship... (and sometimes that means just keeping your mouth shut!! and accepting what a parent says),,,, then if those behaviors are TRUE,, you really can't fault the parent who is trying to point it out......If the behaviors which a child is "accused of" are false.......a shouting match will never help....rather choose another time when tempers have cooled and discuss it,, by saying, "Hey Pop, Dad, Daddy, (or whatever)...Can we sit and talk, cause I DO respect your opinion,, but I want to clarify some misassumptions which you have about me"... I know of very few Fathers who would reject such a request....... If so,,, then they never should have become fathers in the first place.....Man you need a license, to drive, a license to get married, a registration form to vote, working papers to work, and a social security card to have an identity,,, but anybody can become a Father.... It takes a real Man to do THAT responsibly, and more importantly to recognize the importance of the job.....peace.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #28 December 27, 2002 Akago, I work as a school counselor. Each day I work with kids who are angry as hell because they have faced abuse and neglect since birth. The main message they receive in life, is that they are "no good". Someone who has never grown up in this kind of home may not understand the pain and emptiness that goes along with it. I honestly feel that the best thing that someone in such a situation can do, when they are old enough, is to get away from their dysfunctional abusive parents. It often takes a life time to repair the damage that has been done, but it's important to realize it is possible to recover. In my own situation, my father never gave me credit for much of anything. I used to drive myself crazy trying to succeed at things, just to get his acceptance. No matter what I did it didn't amount to crap in his mind, and he never failed to remind me that I wasn't worth anything in his eyes. Exercise and hard work helped burn off some of this anger, but I did so many at risk things that I guess I'm lucky to still be here. I finally came to the conclusion that I was never going to get his acceptance, so why bother. If you have noone in your life who is building you up and telling you are worth something, learn to do it for yourself. Tell yourself what you need to hear, and take care of yourself. I know this is difficult if you have always been surrounded by negativity. There are toxic parents out there who don't deserve your respect. I don't think that forgiveness is always a necessary ingredient to recover. Sure I understand why my "Old Man" was so abusive. That was how he was raised. But today he is still a drunk, still a pervert, and he has no remorse over the harm he has done. He doesn't need my love, he has his bottle. Why should I let someone like this harm my own kids? What works for me is to have a very long distant relationship with him. Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akaGQ 0 #29 December 28, 2002 Quote I'm hanging in with the 2 of ya... gotten a letter every week for the past 2 months from my dad, telling me what he thinks is wrong with me... lovely how they find all of our faults... Hang in guys... we've always got one another Well Im in high agreement with you. I hold all skydivers higher than most I know and consider you all my family. I appreciate everyones input and each looking out for me. Im sure someone will say Awwww How sweet. But Im being serious...even tonight in a public place it doesnt end at the theatre we went to see two towers which I must say was so fukin awsome and well we had an arguement over something I cant even remember now its like I try and block it out soeverything will be ok and I can get on with my life but we sat and argued for about 30 minutes both of us yelling at the top of our lungs in public no doubt and everyone just sat and stared at me...Noone even bothered to look in his direction. And as for the counciling that clay mentioned earlier Ive been seeing a councelor ever since I was 2...Im 24 now and go only to please my parents, but of course they wont go because theres nothing wrong with them...if anythings wrong then its not there mentality its mine. They need to put my dad on medicine not me. And whats worse is its hard to keep friends because he doesnt stop when they are around and even they see so they dont conme around cause its an embarassment to me as well as them. I dont know I guess Im just fukked for life, or at least till I can move FAR away.- GQ ... it was the love of the air and sky and flying, the lure of adventure, the appreciation of beauty ... -Charles Lindberg Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #30 December 28, 2002 AkaGO, Sounds to me that your Dad is the one who needs the therapy. Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riggerrob 643 #31 December 28, 2002 My parents have mellowed since they retired, but I have not seen my hyper-critical asshole of an older brother in the last five years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
